Have you gotten into a relationship 'taking things slow'?


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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #1  October 3,2009, 5:24am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I've read from a number of people on this forum that they have the objective of 'taking things slow' when they start getting to know someone and are starting to get into a relationship. I've had this idea myself....but it's never seemed to work out that way.

During my life I've had three long term relationships (that lasted > 3 years), including one marriage. I've also had a number of shorter relationships that lasted around several months. In every case the physical side of these relationships has developed pretty quickly... moving to sex more or less within a few dates.

In the best of my relationships after starting to have sex rather quickly.... the emotional intimacy continued developing afterward. I've had the intention of taking the physical side of a relationship slowly.... but it has never worked out in these cases.

I'm wondering, how many of you have actually taken the physical side of a relationship(s) slowly and had these relationships develop into something successful (as you define it)? To me it sounds good in theory.... but my relationships have never seemed to work out that way. How about you? Have you had a really great relationship work develop in which sex came only after an extended period of time?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  October 3,2009, 5:27am
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One date doesn't count as a relationship does it?
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #3  October 3,2009, 5:47am
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What number is "a few" dates or the minimum length to be considered "extended"?
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #4  October 3,2009, 6:03am
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Does "not even getting a passionate kiss after more than 2 months" count as slow? Then no, Slow doesn't seem to work for me. As a matter of fact, it kind of bugged me.

How well the relationship progesses emotionally seems to have a lot more to do with the maturity of the individuals involved and whether they are in the frame of mind to find a longterm partner.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  October 3,2009, 7:10am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Gr8Guy: mmm...I'd say no. ; )

EMTZ: you can answer based on whatever would be your definition. For me, 'a few dates' is 3-4, and sex coming only after an 'extended' period of time would probably be something like a couple months or more.

chawks: yeah, I'd definitely consider not even getting a real kiss for a couple months to be 'slow'. I take it that relationship didn't work out. So, if the people involved are mature and in the frame of mind to find a longterm partner will this mean the physical will develop quickly....or only after a while?
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #6  October 3,2009, 7:21am
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jayjay wrote :
chawks: yeah, I'd definitely consider not even getting a real kiss for a couple months to be 'slow'. I take it that relationship didn't work out. So, if the people involved are mature and in the frame of mind to find a longterm partner will this mean the physical will develop quickly....or only after a while?
No, it didn't work out. There were a lot of issues like that, but the final nail in the coffin was when he started making some very racist remarks. With blonde hair and blue eyes, a lot of people assume I am, but as one guy I work with said, "Didn't he know a lot of your friends are brown?" Guess not.

How fast it progresses physically is kind of a compromise between how fast each person thinks is "right" and how good the chemistry is. I don't think you can state one particular speed or route is more successful than the others. There are just too many factors involved.

I would doubt that dragging it out just for the purpose of dragging it out is helpful, just as I would think doing it earlier because one partner expects it would be a bad start.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  October 3,2009, 7:28am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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chawks64 wrote :
How fast it progresses physically is kind of a compromise between how fast each person thinks is "right" and how good the chemistry is. I don't think you can state one particular speed or route is more successful than the others. There are just too many factors involved.
What I'm especially interested to know is what has been people's actual experience. Not what they think theoretically. 'Taking it slow' sounds to me like it could have some advantages....but it has never worked out that way for me in reality. How about you?
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #8  October 3,2009, 7:36am
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jayjay wrote :
What I'm especially interested to know is what has been people's actual experience. Not what they think theoretically. 'Taking it slow' sounds to me like it could have some advantages....but it has never worked out that way for me in reality. How about you?
I've personally tried it both ways over the years, depending on the chemistry and how comfortable I was with the person. In my life, I've found absolutely no correlation between the development of the relationship and the development of physical intimacy.

Again, I do believe that anyone trying to manipulate the progression for manipulation's sake (either way) is dooming the relationship to disaster.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #9  October 3,2009, 7:52am
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Taking things slower worked out good for me in one relationship because she realized after a few dates that I was not going to simply get physical just to get physical.

She had to open up a little and so did I, and we really got to know each other pretty well and this made the physical side that much better.

 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  October 3,2009, 8:08am
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My ex-wife and I took things pretty slow(according to your two month estimate) and we were together almost twenty years.

Of course we are divorced now, so I don't know if that qualifies as being a success.
 
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