Closure after a breakup?????


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wmu2mmc is offline wmu2mmc Post #61  July 21,2011, 7:16pm
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trackstar wrote :
Oh, this makes me laugh. My ex-fiance definitely does not fit your mold. He broke up with me three weeks before our wedding. Yet, he is the one who wants and is still seeking "closure," months and months after the fact. Actually, he has sent me the same e-mail, with the subject line "closure" three times now. . .

I have no need to end things on a friendly note, spending hours talking about the whys and wherefores and how we're both really great people who just don't work together. Barf. I'm happier without him. That's all I need to know.
You definitely have closure! I love it! I had a ex-BF sending me notes trying to get the guilt of dumping me off his chest. Guess what? It's not my job to make you feel better. I never answer him, but if I did, I would say, "Seriously? get over yourself. I THANK you. I can't imagine how miserable I would have been if I had married you."

For myself, though, I do sometimes have to send a final note when I get socked in the gut by an unexpected break-up - especially if he doesn't even give me the courtesy of telling me it's over - so I can close the door and move on; not wonder if he'll ever come back or keep hoping it was some misunderstanding. Nope, done. Over. "That was rude and unexpected. Wish you well." I never expect to hear back or think they even care...but somehow helps me focus on moving forward, and I guess that's what really matters.
 
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EstherM is offline EstherM Post #62  July 22,2011, 2:27pm
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Is it "closure" or is it:
- wanting to get the last word
- wanting the other to say that you're right
- guilt-driven need to have the other say they're OK after the break-up
- need for self-validation to hear the other person say they're distraught over the break-up

I figure there's too much going on in my life now to worry endlessly over what's gone on before. A certain amount of reflection and analysis is healthy and mature and beneficial. Everything else is....not.

Esther.
 
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sseiderm is offline sseiderm Post #63  July 22,2011, 3:10pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
+1 on both counts.

There is always emotion involved in ending a relationship. I see closure as a (usually) futile attempt at rationally analyzing an emotional decision.

Can someone honestly tell you why they aren't 'feeling' it for you anymore?
Well from my point of view, I feel that everyone has a reason for their actions whether they are fully aware of it or it's in their subconscious. I've ended relationships b/c I wasn't "feeling it" anymore, however I had my reasons as to why. I always did my best to try and explain it to the ex's who wanted closure from me. So yes, I do believe that it can be explained, however as I said, not everyone is fully aware.
 
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