Need some advice from the men out there...


Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #11  October 1,2009, 4:58pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

One word of advice....don't assume this is just a nice guy who is all he appears to be. Proceed with getting to know him and even meeting in person... but be prepared for unpleasant possibilities, such as his having lied to you about himself. I even met a woman who had flown across the country to meet a match...who had lied about even being a man. Be careful and take care of yourself.
 
  Reply With Quote
beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #12  October 1,2009, 5:20pm
beautifulgeni…'s Avatar

Celebrating life without regrets...

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

Albany, Oregon

Posts: 1,357

See profile

Bring it up with him and discuss what to do. It shouldn't be a big thing though. Talking over the phone just gives you an "idea" of what he might be like in person.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #13  October 1,2009, 5:32pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

Long distance relationships are very difficult and as others have said communication is even more important in an LDR.

Also as others have mentioned some people are not very comfortable talking on the phone. I am one of them. However, I have a solution that at least works for me. That is using the voice feature of most IM. I have no problem talking using Yahoo! IM voice. It also solves the problem of long distance call charges (or people like me with limited cell minutes). All it requires is a microphone and speakers which many people already have.
 
  Reply With Quote
DDjr is offline DDjr Post #14  October 1,2009, 7:42pm
DDjr's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 848

See profile

DennisWisconsin wrote :
I disagree with most of the answers so far for this reason: Timing is everything... and guys, smart guys think about this. If you peak too early on the phone by the time you meet it could be anti-climatic. Wait... seriously... you want the energy to peak when you are standing in front of each other, not on the phone, 30 days too early.

Don't believe me? Ignor(sic) this advice.
Want to agree with Dennis against a lot of the other posts...

In the military they talk about "backward planning sequence". I think this would be very helpful for you:

2x Nov: Meet in person
1x Nov: 2nd or 3rd or 4th phone call
x Nov: 1st, maybe 2nd phone call
Oct: IM & email a couple of times per week to stoke the fire but not let it overheat.

-----------------------------------------------

You run two dangers in trying to establish a LDR. The first is that you both grow bored with the waiting and move on to other pastures. Maintaining some interesting / fun contact via IM or email or phone can be used to avoid this. The second danger is actually much worse. If the interaction heats up too much and the pseudo-relationship gets to grandiose, real life can never match the image that you (one or the other of you) has built up and that results in the "christmas present" problem.
 
  Reply With Quote
Uncle Apple is offline Uncle Apple Post #15  October 1,2009, 8:24pm
Uncle Apple's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jan 2008

Northern California

Posts: 296

See profile

cutie5633 wrote :
So I met this guy on eharmony almost a month ago. He lives in california and I in NM. We have talked about meeting, perhaps in November over the Thanksgiving break... since I am still in school. I really like him, he seems like a great person... and the conversations are great! Over the past month we have talked quite often though email and instant messaging. When we first were matched and progressed to OC I felt an immediate connection, so I gave him my number. He replied that he would like to continue communicating electronically for a little while longer, and I agreed. I admit I have a bit of a poblem with moving to fast in a relationship...so I am trying to work on slowing down, but after a month I really want to talk to him over the phone at least. My question is, do you guys think I should suggest again that we talk on the phone or wait for him to bring it up, and just continue instant messaging?
I think the problem if any, is that you and he both have a different idea of too fast, or too slow, and of what translates to too fast.
Slow down a little, but not very much. relationships have to be worked at. Progress is inevitable. It can be slowed, but never stopped, with out mental torment, and possible loss of friendship, except in some cases.
 
  Reply With Quote
wilky is offline wilky Post #16  October 1,2009, 8:39pm
wilky's Avatar

wants to go back to Cozumel, it's too cold here!

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2007

Virginia

Posts: 64

See profile

Push the phone conversation! I don't think there are many guys that like talking on the phone when they have to actually respond to conversation rather than think about what the perfect reply is and type it up. The fact remains though, if you want it to go forward eventually you two will have to talk!
 
  Reply With Quote
MerryMerry is offline MerryMerry Post #17  October 1,2009, 9:03pm
MerryMerry's Avatar

is happy.

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2008

Northern Cal

Posts: 12

See profile

Oh, this is a good question. I really don't care for talking on the telephone with someone I don't know well. After a number of disappointing first dates, a friend of mine encouraged me to start having at least one phone conversation with potential dates. Now, I am able to ascertain so much more information about the men I am potentially going to meet that even though I still dislike the initial awkward chit chat, I have saved myself from some very lackluster if not disappointing first meetings. One man spoke so slowly on the phone I wanted to finish every sentence for him! I am now a telephone convert!
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #18  October 1,2009, 9:26pm
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

Out by the dawn's early light, my love, I will defend your right to try.

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,392

See profile

DennisWisconsin wrote :
I disagree with most of the answers so far for this reason: Timing is everything... and guys, smart guys think about this. If you peak too early on the phone by the time you meet it could be anti-climatic. Wait... seriously... you want the energy to peak when you are standing in front of each other, not on the phone, 30 days too early.

Don't believe me? Ignor this advice.
+1!

Timing IS everything and this guy knows it. He knows that timing is what keeps your interest. What if he had given in to your suggestion beforehand? You might be wondering,"Wait, why is he willing to move so fast?"

But right now, there's an element of mystery about him, which kind of has you going. Imagine if that element of mystery wasn't there? Would he be as appealing?

He knows what he is doing, and it appears to be working.
 
  Reply With Quote
MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #19  October 1,2009, 9:36pm
MelinCali's Avatar

is moving!

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Earth

Posts: 8,113

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
+1!

Timing IS everything and this guy knows it. He knows that timing is what keeps your interest. What if he had given in to your suggestion beforehand? You might be wondering,"Wait, why is he willing to move so fast?"

But right now, there's an element of mystery about him, which kind of has you going. Imagine if that element of mystery wasn't there? Would he be as appealing?

He knows what he is doing, and it appears to be working.
I get the point about timing and agree with the idea, to some extent.

My issue is I'm the kind of person who likes to book travel and make plans in advance and I would not go ahead and book a flight to meet someone I haven't spoken to on the phone. That's too much mystery to risk traveling for.

Now if he wants to keep up the mystery and HE is the one going to travel, that's fine. It's his risk to book the flight last minute, or that things could go south after he finally makes a call a week before his flight if he's bought his ticket and it's non-refundable.
 
  Reply With Quote
DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #20  October 3,2009, 5:46am
DennisWiscons…'s Avatar

Milwaukee

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Milwaukee

Posts: 5,720

See profile

MelinCali wrote :
I get the point about timing and agree with the idea, to some extent.

My issue is I'm the kind of person who likes to book travel and make plans in advance and I would not go ahead and book a flight to meet someone I haven't spoken to on the phone. That's too much mystery to risk traveling for.

Now if he wants to keep up the mystery and HE is the one going to travel, that's fine. It's his risk to book the flight last minute, or that things could go south after he finally makes a call a week before his flight if he's bought his ticket and it's non-refundable.
Of course you must talk to him before you meet him... There is a balance here somewhere... Did I miss why he isn't coming to you rather than you going to him?
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Ladies: how do you show that you're interested? | Dating | Some Observations When Going Out on the Weekend. »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Welcome and Tips for eHarmony Advice Newbies! eHA_Admin_Lori Talk to your Community Team 10 February 9,2012 1:07pm
Free Communication Weekend: Advice for Visitors Robert_inSD Using eHarmony 12 April 9,2010 10:05pm
New Discussion Board System for eHarmony Advice! eharmony Dating 172 July 17,2009 11:02pm
Are you NEW to eHarmony Advice? Welcome! PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING! eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Dating 0 April 16,2009 11:39am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:20am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0