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jayjay jayjay is online now
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One word of advice....don't assume this is just a nice guy who is all he appears to be. Proceed with getting to know him and even meeting in person... but be prepared for unpleasant possibilities, such as his having lied to you about himself. I even met a woman who had flown across the country to meet a match...who had lied about even being a man. Be careful and take care of yourself.
- October 1st, 2009, 05:58 pm
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beautifulgenius beautifulgenius is offline
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Bring it up with him and discuss what to do. It shouldn't be a big thing though. Talking over the phone just gives you an "idea" of what he might be like in person.
- October 1st, 2009, 06:20 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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Long distance relationships are very difficult and as others have said communication is even more important in an LDR.

Also as others have mentioned some people are not very comfortable talking on the phone. I am one of them. However, I have a solution that at least works for me. That is using the voice feature of most IM. I have no problem talking using Yahoo! IM voice. It also solves the problem of long distance call charges (or people like me with limited cell minutes). All it requires is a microphone and speakers which many people already have.
- October 1st, 2009, 06:32 pm
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DDjr DDjr is offline
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
I disagree with most of the answers so far for this reason: Timing is everything... and guys, smart guys think about this. If you peak too early on the phone by the time you meet it could be anti-climatic. Wait... seriously... you want the energy to peak when you are standing in front of each other, not on the phone, 30 days too early.

Don't believe me? Ignor(sic) this advice.
Want to agree with Dennis against a lot of the other posts...

In the military they talk about "backward planning sequence". I think this would be very helpful for you:

2x Nov: Meet in person
1x Nov: 2nd or 3rd or 4th phone call
x Nov: 1st, maybe 2nd phone call
Oct: IM & email a couple of times per week to stoke the fire but not let it overheat.

-----------------------------------------------

You run two dangers in trying to establish a LDR. The first is that you both grow bored with the waiting and move on to other pastures. Maintaining some interesting / fun contact via IM or email or phone can be used to avoid this. The second danger is actually much worse. If the interaction heats up too much and the pseudo-relationship gets to grandiose, real life can never match the image that you (one or the other of you) has built up and that results in the "christmas present" problem.
- October 1st, 2009, 08:42 pm
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Uncle Apple Uncle Apple is offline
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cutie5633 wrote :
So I met this guy on eharmony almost a month ago. He lives in california and I in NM. We have talked about meeting, perhaps in November over the Thanksgiving break... since I am still in school. I really like him, he seems like a great person... and the conversations are great! Over the past month we have talked quite often though email and instant messaging. When we first were matched and progressed to OC I felt an immediate connection, so I gave him my number. He replied that he would like to continue communicating electronically for a little while longer, and I agreed. I admit I have a bit of a poblem with moving to fast in a relationship...so I am trying to work on slowing down, but after a month I really want to talk to him over the phone at least. My question is, do you guys think I should suggest again that we talk on the phone or wait for him to bring it up, and just continue instant messaging?
I think the problem if any, is that you and he both have a different idea of too fast, or too slow, and of what translates to too fast.
Slow down a little, but not very much. relationships have to be worked at. Progress is inevitable. It can be slowed, but never stopped, with out mental torment, and possible loss of friendship, except in some cases.
- October 1st, 2009, 09:24 pm
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Push the phone conversation! I don't think there are many guys that like talking on the phone when they have to actually respond to conversation rather than think about what the perfect reply is and type it up. The fact remains though, if you want it to go forward eventually you two will have to talk!
- October 1st, 2009, 09:39 pm
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MerryMerry MerryMerry is offline
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Oh, this is a good question. I really don't care for talking on the telephone with someone I don't know well. After a number of disappointing first dates, a friend of mine encouraged me to start having at least one phone conversation with potential dates. Now, I am able to ascertain so much more information about the men I am potentially going to meet that even though I still dislike the initial awkward chit chat, I have saved myself from some very lackluster if not disappointing first meetings. One man spoke so slowly on the phone I wanted to finish every sentence for him! I am now a telephone convert!
- October 1st, 2009, 10:03 pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
I disagree with most of the answers so far for this reason: Timing is everything... and guys, smart guys think about this. If you peak too early on the phone by the time you meet it could be anti-climatic. Wait... seriously... you want the energy to peak when you are standing in front of each other, not on the phone, 30 days too early.

Don't believe me? Ignor this advice.
+1!

Timing IS everything and this guy knows it. He knows that timing is what keeps your interest. What if he had given in to your suggestion beforehand? You might be wondering,"Wait, why is he willing to move so fast?"

But right now, there's an element of mystery about him, which kind of has you going. Imagine if that element of mystery wasn't there? Would he be as appealing?

He knows what he is doing, and it appears to be working.
- October 1st, 2009, 10:26 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
+1!

Timing IS everything and this guy knows it. He knows that timing is what keeps your interest. What if he had given in to your suggestion beforehand? You might be wondering,"Wait, why is he willing to move so fast?"

But right now, there's an element of mystery about him, which kind of has you going. Imagine if that element of mystery wasn't there? Would he be as appealing?

He knows what he is doing, and it appears to be working.
I get the point about timing and agree with the idea, to some extent.

My issue is I'm the kind of person who likes to book travel and make plans in advance and I would not go ahead and book a flight to meet someone I haven't spoken to on the phone. That's too much mystery to risk traveling for.

Now if he wants to keep up the mystery and HE is the one going to travel, that's fine. It's his risk to book the flight last minute, or that things could go south after he finally makes a call a week before his flight if he's bought his ticket and it's non-refundable.
- October 1st, 2009, 10:36 pm
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DennisWisconsin DennisWisconsin is offline
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MelinCali wrote :
I get the point about timing and agree with the idea, to some extent.

My issue is I'm the kind of person who likes to book travel and make plans in advance and I would not go ahead and book a flight to meet someone I haven't spoken to on the phone. That's too much mystery to risk traveling for.

Now if he wants to keep up the mystery and HE is the one going to travel, that's fine. It's his risk to book the flight last minute, or that things could go south after he finally makes a call a week before his flight if he's bought his ticket and it's non-refundable.
Of course you must talk to him before you meet him... There is a balance here somewhere... Did I miss why he isn't coming to you rather than you going to him?
- October 3rd, 2009, 06:46 am
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