Dating a female college professor


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loveville is offline loveville Post #1  September 29,2009, 7:10pm
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Love is as simple as that

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I found the thread on dating a college professor very interesting.

I am a female college professor, and just started my professional career months ago.

I have been on eharmony for more than a month. I prefer to date guys at my age or a little bit older. Fortunately I have not run into any student at eharmony

I feel like I have to devote so much time into my professional life. I am not a bar person. So internet becomes one major channel for me to enlarge my social circles. I chose eharmony because it only allows matches to see our profiles. I really do not want my students to see me like at match.com.

Anyway, I am a little disappointed up to now. Does a female professor sound scary? Or I have paid too much attention to matches' education?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  September 29,2009, 7:20pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I'm also a prof...and while I have and will date female academics I think it unlikely I'd get into a relationship with one. This is because of issues such as all the time that you have to devote to your professional life, how I find many academics to be really self centered and not especially oriented toward relationships and making them a priority in one's life.

Of course there are also the unusual ones, like the female professor I recently dated who told me she actually wanted to get married, have a couple babies and become a housewife. I asked her why she had devoted to much time and effort to getting a Ph.D. She replied she had only done that because she needed a good way to support herself while she's single.
 
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loveville is offline loveville Post #3  September 29,2009, 7:42pm
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It is true that professors have to devote a lot of time to their career. But it is really not (or should not be) in conflict with personal life. I have seen so many professors with "harmonious" personal life. It is a matter of time maybe? It takes time for people to learn to balance professional and private life.

While the tenure thing may make professors feel more pressured, I actually assume that most professionals nowadays have busy schedules.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  September 29,2009, 7:50pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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loveville wrote :
It is true that professors have to devote a lot of time to their career. But it is really not (or should not be) in conflict with personal life. I have seen so many professors with "harmonious" personal life. It is a matter of time maybe? It takes time for people to learn to balance professional and private life.

While the tenure thing may make professors feel more pressured, I actually assume that most professionals nowadays have busy schedules.
'Busy'....sure. One question that's relevant to me is...how many hours a week is one 'busy' with work? 40?... 60?... 80?... more? Also, how often does one need to travel? I'd like to have a relationship with someone that will be around for me to actually see.

Then there are personality characteristics. I've met so many academics who are completely egotistical, self centered and think they are always right. I mean....look at me!

BTW: what educational criteria do you have for men?
 
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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #5  September 29,2009, 8:24pm
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Thanks for starting this thread. Question for OP and JayJay: Did you start dating only after you became profs or before?

I ask because part of me thinks it may be best to start dating after I land a position given that I have no clue where I'll end up (possiby out-of-state). I'm worried about falling for someone (e.g., my current guy...I already have) only to have to part ways if I have to move to another state. I have 3 more years to go before finishing my doc program, but it'd be great to find someone before then with whom I could settle down and start a family.


....Best wishes
 
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robert2008 is offline robert2008 Post #6  September 29,2009, 8:33pm
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loveville wrote :
... Does a female professor sound scary?
I can't think of anything hotter.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  September 29,2009, 8:42pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Doctora2012 wrote :
Thanks for starting this thread. Question for OP and JayJay: Did you start dating only after you became profs or before?

I ask because part of me thinks it may be best to start dating after I land a position given that I have no clue where I'll end up (possiby out-of-state). I'm worried about falling for someone (e.g., my current guy...I already have) only to have to part ways if I have to move to another state. I have 3 more years to go before finishing my doc program, but it'd be great to find someone before then with whom I could settle down and start a family.


....Best wishes
You mean....when did the OP and I start dating each other? lol

Actually....3 years before finishing my doctoral program I was still married. But, what I think you mean is yes, I was dating up until around 6 months before I expected to graduate and move for a job. The only thing is...I think you need to be explicit very early that you WILL almost certainly need to move for a job once you finish your degree. If you're looking for a long term relationship then you probably will need to find someone who would be open to relocating and who is relatively mobile.
 
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bluskies4ever is offline bluskies4ever Post #8  September 29,2009, 9:58pm
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Winning!!!

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There will always be men who find intelligence sexy, indeed hot. Wasn't there that appealing ad campaign with the slogan," Smart Is Beautiful" ?

One lonely Saturday night years ago in a Waldenbooks store I remember reading in one of Dr. Barbara DeAngelis' books that one of men's turn-offs is women who are too serious, specifically because it reminds them of schoolteachers. So if you inject some fun and humor into your profile and GC and OC with your matches, in addition to your sparkling wit and lively mind, you may actually have a leg up over the common aires hedes, latin for airhead.
 
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bluskies4ever is offline bluskies4ever Post #9  September 29,2009, 10:00pm
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What do I click on to put something in italics?
 
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rix is offline rix Post #10  September 29,2009, 10:56pm
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Happy 1st Anniversary, babe!

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loveville wrote :
Anyway, I am a little disappointed up to now. Does a female professor sound scary? Or I have paid too much attention to matches' education?
Well...perhaps it might come off as a wee bit snobbish, if you rely too much on a potential matches' level of education (even more so if you put it in your preferences).

However, nothing is hotter than a smart woman in a short skirt.
 
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