1ST DATE A CHARM..SECOND WAY TOO INTENSE!

I am one of "those" types that seems to date really well. I view the dating process as a fun, exciting experience that gives me an opportunity to learn more about someone else and to gain knowledge about myself and what I am looking for in a partner. So to me, the first date or set of first dates has not been a problem.

My issues and dissappointments occur after the first set of dates when the woman starts probing more deeper into my past and the mechanics behind my divorce and failed marriage. But rather than discuss this and allow the discussion to ruin the night out, I have chosen to reframe from talking about it all together per say. I simply say that I have a loving relationship with my children, I have a wonderful career and I am involved in personal fitness which is important to me.

This past weekend I had a first date with a women I met from E-Harmony. The date last 5 hours, we didn't eat much and the diliogue was really fun. Two nights later, we met again. Only this time, she started probing and asking some very deep topics. Mostly about what I am looking for in a partner and what I am trying to avoid.

Simply put...I was abused emotionally and physically during my marriage so the first sign of control or verbal critisism...it sets off warning bells. After we finished dinner, we said "goodbye" but there was a sense of uneasiness. Not like the first date.

Sure enough, last night when we talked on the phone, she brought up the fact that she is a strong women, speaks her mind and that I might feel intimidated because of my past.

I think at this point, the line has now been crossed where even if I explain to her that it is not the case at all, we cannot go back. I mean, if it's this intense after only the second date, then I can't imagine what it's going to be like after a few more dates.

I don't understand this at all. I mean, the first few dates are suppose to be fun and you slowly glide into learning more about your partner. Spend a day together. See how you interact with eachother. Do a few fun activities.

This isn't the first time this has happened to me. The first set of dates go great. Had two relationships last more than a year from this site.

It's just frustrating that once I reveal my past, the insecurities begin. Which is why I chose to try to avoid discussing my past until there is really a true potential.

Lots of times I have had first dates that seem like job interviews.
I think there are two kinds of daters, everything upfront and the easy going types. The upfront ones don't want to waste any time on someone who will be obviously disqualified, chemistry or not. The easy going types don't want to reveal this stuff until there is enough chemistry to warrant it.

Lots of times I have had first dates that seem like job interviews.
I think there are two kinds of daters, everything upfront and the easy going types. The upfront ones don't want to waste any time on someone who will be obviously disqualified, chemistry or not. The easy going types don't want to reveal this stuff until there is enough chemistry to warrant it.
I think both are fine, but it is difficult when these two types try to date each other. I wonder if eH has a way to predict this date behavior. It seems like it should be part of compatibilty.
And the post that said maybe you were picking women similar to your ex may have a point.

Simply put...I was abused emotionally and physically during my marriage so the first sign of control or verbal critisism...it sets off warning bells. After we finished dinner, we said "goodbye" but there was a sense of uneasiness. Not like the first date.