Marry Someone who Loves You More.


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LateBloomr is offline LateBloomr Post #1  September 28,2009, 4:12pm
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An older married woman once told me to marry someone who loves you more. I thought it was nuts as the time, but as time goes by, I totally agree. I think this can be placed into a dating context too.

In the dating world, gender roles/lines have been crossed. Women pursue men. Some women even pay for dates. With all of these, there has been a "power-shift." Men are no longer suitors. Many can just kick back and find female suitors.

Take these sites for example. I told myself that I would be proactive and wink, write people. It did not yield much. After that, I decided to let the natural order take place.

If a man writes me, great. I will respond. But I will not pursue a man. I will not make any contact first. It is unnatural, defying the natural order of things, and only works for some people (like the super hot chick you have no guts to talk to and you're floored when she talks to YOU).

This goes for women in particular. There is a saying that talks about women falling often and men falling harder. I think that's true. When a man really likes a woman, it really shows.

By dating someone who likes you more, you avoid drama. I notice that walking down the street or on the subway. With couples, many time it's the man holding the woman's hand, petting her, etc. And the woman is not so much.

Now Bridezillas makes more sense. And this idea gives an idea as to why men love bitches. Maybe because it's more of a challenge and they have to put in "work" thus respecting the woman even more.

A quite attractive guy once wrote me saying that he wants a woman who will challenge him and then asked me if I could. By posing that question, I felt he was shifting the dynamic in his favor making me the suitor, trying to prove myself to him. I quickly dismissed him. Again, it is not the natural order. You challenge me, and in turn it will be revealed how I will challenge you. But don't ask me what I can do for you. Let things develop naturally.

OK, I really have no idea, really. But I do know I'm going to heed this advice.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 28,2009, 4:25pm
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LateBloomr wrote :
An older married woman once told me to marry someone who loves you more.

Reductio ad absurdum.

Let's all make sure to do less, until eventually we do nothing.

Where's the fun in that?
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #3  September 28,2009, 5:12pm
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Logical outcome of that premise: no one ever gets married.

I don't have any problem taking the initiative in a relationship....but the idea that the guy should have to continually work and work to show his affection just to be "graced" with some reciprocation is a huge turn-off. Be who you are: if you're not that into a guy there's no need to pretend otherwise, but if you are then let them know. Hiding your feelings in an effort to make a guy pursue harder is manipulative and just as likely (maybe more) to backfire as it to pique his interest.
Last edited by cardguy; September 28,2009 at 5:18pm.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  September 28,2009, 5:29pm
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I can tell you that one of the many reasons I'm with my fiance is that we both show each other we like and love each other. It's not me having to work and work and her gracing me with her presence (I dated several of those and they didn't get anywhere).
 
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LateBloomr is offline LateBloomr Post #5  September 28,2009, 5:41pm
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Congratulations! Yes, I agree that at a certain point it becomes pathetic when you see a man working so hard for a woman.

What you have is the ideal. Unfortunately, not everyone will be lucky enough to have that realized.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #6  September 28,2009, 5:44pm

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There is definitely an appeal for me to being the one that is loved more...I think I would like that.

I was the one to care more last time...I think I am ready for someone to just totally adore me.
 
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Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #7  September 28,2009, 5:45pm
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I don't think it is a good idea if you go looking for someone to love you more than you love him/her. I married my husband shortly after breaking up with someone who I didn't believe loved me as much as I loved him. I just got tired and gave up on that relationship, That was the right decision, was marriage the right decision, I still don't know. I think we cheated each other out of some aspects of what we could have had, but it wan't a bad marriage. Just not spectacular. We did stay together till his death and raised three great kids, so who is to say.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  September 28,2009, 5:48pm
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LateBloomr wrote :
Congratulations! Yes, I agree that at a certain point it becomes pathetic when you see a man working so hard for a woman.

What you have is the ideal. Unfortunately, not everyone will be lucky enough to have that realized.
So let me understand this:
You agree that Mr. Right has the ideal situation...mutual feelings of respect toward one another, with both of them showing appreciation.
yet, you are caving to the exact opposite theory...being chased and at the same time, being manipulative?

Gotcha.
Okie doke.
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #9  September 28,2009, 5:53pm
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How much more does someone have to love you than you love him? "Stalker" more? Personally I have always had a problem with and start to feel smothered when a guy's interest in me is much more than my interest in him. It makes me uncomfortable.

And then there is the whole respect thing. How can I respect a guy that doesn't expect to receive the same love and respect that he gives to me? So I am afraid this just doesn't work for me. It may for some but not for me.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  September 28,2009, 6:17pm
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LateBloomr wrote :
A quite attractive guy once wrote me saying that he wants a woman who will challenge him and then asked me if I could. By posing that question, I felt he was shifting the dynamic in his favor making me the suitor, trying to prove myself to him. I quickly dismissed him. Again, it is not the natural order. You challenge me, and in turn it will be revealed how I will challenge you. But don't ask me what I can do for you. Let things develop naturally.
Well, think of it this way. For all the requirements you have in a mate, are you willing to be those requirements as well? If you want a guy who challenges you, are you willing to challenge him as well?

I think following the advice of making men jump through hoops is bad, but you're free to do what you want. Just make sure you let us know how it goes.
 
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