Summer flings. Good or bad?


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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #1  September 28,2009, 10:19am
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My past two summers have been consumed with summer flings of a sort. They were both pleasurable at times, but left me ultimately unfulfilled. Two very different scenarios.

Summer of 2008 - a long-time friend who I had sort of lost touch with went through a painful breakup and failed engagement. When I heard about the engagement I emailed her to see how she was doing. She called me a little later on a Saturday to have lunch. Turns out it was supposed to be her wedding day. We hung out that day and most of the night. I have known her for a long time and wanted to be there for her.

This was late May and we hung out quite a bit - 2 or 3 nights a week for most of the rest of the summer. It was very intense. By August I was starting to have feelings for her and I could sense she had gotten over the engagement. We are compatible and know each other quite well. I expressed my interest in her in a subtle way but making sure we could maintain the friendship. She basically said no, that I wasn't her type. She met her current boyfriend a couple weeks later. We are still friends and meet up occasionally. I was sad that it didn't work out but glad that I was there for her.

This summer I met a woman through eH who had just moved to the city to start a new job. She didn't really know anyone in the city when she got here. Dinner dates weekly through July until we became an item. Very intense throughout August and early September. Now that she has become acquainted with the city and has gotten into the swing of her job I am not so important. She ended it because she didn't think we were compatible enough for things to last long-term.

These were both cases where I was used as a crutch and am not happy about that, especially the situation from this summer. What can I do in the future to ensure that whatever woman I end up involved with to some extent next summer isn't just a summer fling?
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #2  September 28,2009, 11:34am
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Do you hibernate every winter? If not, find someone before winter that by next summer will be more than a just a fling.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #3  September 28,2009, 11:47am
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is happy with the way things are going!

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Mokkesofie wrote :
Do you hibernate every winter? If not, find someone before winter that by next summer will be more than a just a fling.
Summer of 2008 I was just working - no school - so I had a bit of a break.

This summer was just after I finished school. So I have no reason to wait until next summer.

Just have to give myself some time so I'm not in a rebound relationship. Hopefully, I'm feeling like dating again before next summer.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  September 28,2009, 12:07pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Mokkesofie wrote :
Do you hibernate every winter? If not, find someone before winter that by next summer will be more than a just a fling.
Exactly
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  September 28,2009, 12:10pm
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So this summer you were in a 2 1/2 month relationship. You should be over that and ready to be dating again in time to find a date for Halloween. If not then you may want to seek a bit of counseling.. Finding a new girl is a good way to forget the old one.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #6  September 28,2009, 12:44pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
So this summer you were in a 2 1/2 month relationship. You should be over that and ready to be dating again in time to find a date for Halloween. If not then you may want to seek a bit of counseling.. Finding a new girl is a good way to forget the old one.
Halloween? Maybe I can meet somebody over Halloween.

I let the eH subscription expire and I'm not quite ready to sign up again yet.

I guess I just don't move that quickly through the guided communication process.
 
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TravelBarbie is offline TravelBarbie Post #7  September 28,2009, 1:00pm
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Oh....this is my current favorite topic!!! I have had some of the most fabulous summer flings ever...2 of which were this summer while traveling in Greece and Turkey...ahhhh so sweet!!!

I think summer flings are WONDERFUL.....BUT only if you have the terms of a TRUE summer fling...

Those terms are:
1.) Speedy & Swirling "Cosmic Chemsitry" connection (usually a strong physical attraction)

2.) Unspoken understanding that things WILL ENVITABLY END with the end of the summer/ period of time spent in a given place

3.) Unspoken belief that if you had different circumstances (mostly due to real life distance issues) that you would be happily in love forever....even though there may be serious factors that would ultimately end things.

Basically a true some fling is a fleeting blissful moment of your life that can never truly go beyond that moment. Its perfect in its short and sweetness It's like a shooting star - brilliant and amazing in the moment...but gone almost before it began. And it must be that or it is not a summer fling...its just a short lived failed relationship. A true summer fling is perfection...real relationships never will be.

So how do you avoid summer flings??? Why would you want to??? Just avoid hooking up in the summer I guess....
Last edited by TravelBarbie; September 28,2009 at 1:10pm.
 
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QAKittyCat is offline QAKittyCat — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  September 28,2009, 1:11pm
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TravelBarbie wrote :
Oh....this is my current favorite topic!!! I have had some of the most fabulous summer flings ever...2 of which were this summer while traveling in Greece and Turkey...ahhhh so sweet!!!

I think summer flings are WONDERFUL.....BUT only if you have the terms of a TRUE summer fling...

Those terms are:
1.) Speedy & Swirling "Cosmic Chemsitry" connection (usually a strong physical attraction)

2.) Unspoken understanding that things WILL ENVITABLY END with the end of the summer/ period of time spent in a given place

3.) Unspoken belief that if you had different circumstances (mostly due to real life distance issues) that you would be happily in love forever....even though there may be serious factors that would ultimately end things.

Basically a true some fling is a fleeting blissful moment of your life that can never truly go beyond that moment. Its perfect in its short and sweetness It's like a shooting star - brilliant and amazing in the moment...but gone almost before it began. And it must be that or it is not a summer fling...its just a short lived failed relationship. A true summer fling is perfection...real relationships never will be.

So how do you avoid summer flings??? Why would you want to??? Just avoid hooking up in the summer I guess....

Love it!
 
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legend29 is online now legend29 Post #9  September 28,2009, 1:15pm
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Oh darn...I thought the OP was for summer flings....

Seeing as how he is most definitely not for such a thing, I guess I have to say "No comment!"

(but the summer fling story I was gonna write was a good one...really it was!....*sigh*)
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #10  September 28,2009, 2:04pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Sometimes a lifetime of love comes from a little fling. If you don't have the flings you'll never find out if that was coming to you.

Yeah they used you a little bit as a crutch, but does it really matter? You enjoyed being with them both, lived and learnt a bit more about yourself. There will be times, I promise you, when you'll lean on someone and take more than you give but that's what life is like.

You have to put yourself out there or nothing ever happens.
 
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