Need advice from the guys on how to handle this.


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three_eyes is offline three_eyes Post #1  September 27,2009, 2:22pm
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I met someone a few weeks ago through Match, and after exchanging a few e-mails he asked me for a date that upcoming Friday. We live about an hour apart. For the first date he offered to come down to where I live, but I ended up suggesting that I come up to him instead. He asked me out again before the end of the date and I said yes. For our second date he came down to where I live and we had a great time. We were out VERY late.

So everything's going well. We've exchanged e-mails since our last date and I know he likes me, and I like him.

The problem is, I am up for a some contract work that will require me to travel extensively again. I don't know how long I'll be doing it, though I hope not longer than a few months. But in this economy, it's hard to say how long it might be before I can find a permanent job at home. Anyway, I did tell this guy about the travel and he took it very well. He even made a comment about coming out to see me, wherever I am. (I don't know yet where I'll be going.) Before I told him about the new job, he made a comment about us getting together the following weekend. Later on after I'd mentioned the travel and that I'd be leaving next Thursday, he said, "you don't mess around, do you?" I think he wasn't expecting I'd have to leave so soon. I'm not very happy about this - I finally meet someone interesting and I have to leave town. And the worst part is that the first few weeks of the job I won't be able to come home at all because I'll be working every day.

I think he wants to keep seeing me despite this, but he hasn't asked me for another date and hasn't asked when I'll be back. My question is, I want to suggest we try to see each other again before I leave, even if just to grab coffee or something, but I don't want to overstep any bounds here. Should I suggest it or just wait for him to come to me? He strikes me as someone who has a very set timetable and would rather take his time than push things too quickly. I, on the other hand, tend to jump in too quickly and want to break that bad habit. So I'm leaning towards waiting for him to come to me. I know I'm worth waiting for, after all, but it has only been two dates. Maybe I'm just looking for reassurance that waiting is the best option?

Anyway, I'd appreciate any thoughts.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 27,2009, 2:34pm
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In my opinion, you need to clarify your anticipated schedule over the next several months. It doesn’t have to done in person, but in person is always best.
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #3  September 27,2009, 3:00pm
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"He even made a comment about coming out to see me, wherever I am."

This is a good thing. He is very interested or he would not have said this. Yes get together before you leave. Long distance relationships are tough (especially new ones), but keep in touch and try to see each other whenever possible.
 
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three_eyes is offline three_eyes Post #4  September 27,2009, 4:29pm
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I decided to go ahead and ask him if he can get together before I leave. I am thinking that unless he is just crazy busy this week, he'll make the time.

I think it's too early to have the conversation about being exclusive. If we get together this week and I feel differently then I'll broach it with him, but right now I'm not ready to be exclusive and I don't think he is either. That convo should happen when it feels right.

I will probably be gone 2-3 weeks at first but then I should be home three weekends a month. I hope that's enough to keep things moving forward.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #5  September 27,2009, 4:36pm

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three_eyes wrote :
I decided to go ahead and ask him if he can get together before I leave. I am thinking that unless he is just crazy busy this week, he'll make the time.

I think it's too early to have the conversation about being exclusive. If we get together this week and I feel differently then I'll broach it with him, but right now I'm not ready to be exclusive and I don't think he is either. That convo should happen when it feels right.

I will probably be gone 2-3 weeks at first but then I should be home three weekends a month. I hope that's enough to keep things moving forward.
that schedule doesn't sound unreasonable to me.

I'd look at it like a gift from God, that this is the way he wants me to pace the relationship, preventing me from rushing in wether I want to or not !!!

See him, have fun, just let him know what your schedule will be like, and definitley don't discuss the exlusivity. Just let him know that you will be back in town in a couple of weeks and will be back 3 weekends a month

good luck!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  September 27,2009, 4:53pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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three_eyes wrote :
I decided to go ahead and ask him if he can get together before I leave. I am thinking that unless he is just crazy busy this week, he'll make the time.

I think it's too early to have the conversation about being exclusive. If we get together this week and I feel differently then I'll broach it with him, but right now I'm not ready to be exclusive and I don't think he is either. That convo should happen when it feels right.

I will probably be gone 2-3 weeks at first but then I should be home three weekends a month. I hope that's enough to keep things moving forward.
I think it was fine for you to contact him about getting together before you leave. And yes....xnay on the exclusive thing. To me that would be all kinds of wrong coming from a woman I only recently started seeing who is just about to go out of town for a few months.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  September 27,2009, 4:54pm
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You have done exactly what you should have done by contacting him and suggesting meeting before you leave.

You are not overstepping any bounds by contacting him. You are showing that you are interested in him.

Even though you may be away from him physically because of your job with today's technology you can keep in close contact daily.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  September 27,2009, 5:23pm
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[FONT=Arial]I think you did right, and your schedule is actually about my normal dating schedule, even with local people.
 
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Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #9  September 27,2009, 5:33pm
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Hi threeeyes - long time no see! Not one of the guys, obvs., but I think you did the right thing too. Hope he emails you back soon. =)
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #10  September 27,2009, 5:58pm
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Oh, don't be so concerned. If things develop, your (and his) work are going to be factors. I take you unsaid query is you only like to have sex in exclusive relationships. That's actually about you, nit him. You might say, "I wouldn't want to mainatin a relationship with you if you have sex with someone else." I'm confident that he'll advise you he'll really like to get to know you better, but if that's your view he'll call it quites. This is regardless that he probabaly isn't planning on having sex with anyone other than you. So you real choise is to tell him you don't want to have sex at this stage because work is going to keep you away, and you don't want to be unfair to him. He is likely then to say that so long as you do your best to keep in contact and try to ctach up in few weeks, he'd like to see what you two can make of it. And tell you you're right to make your job important. Your attitude to such is likley one of the reasons he is keen on you.
 
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