Second date, No Kiss: is this guy even interested in me?


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bronte71 is offline bronte71 Post #1  September 27,2009, 6:31am
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I got matched with someone about 3 weeks ago, and after going through all the eHarmony communication, we've talked on the phone 4-5 times, sent a few emails, and been out on 2 dates. He is almost 50, and a never-married software developer, with EVERY BIT of the awkwardness that that implies. We do have lots of common interests, though, and once I get him talking, he's fine. He's paid for dinner both times (and offered to pay for the movie/starbucks/whatever we did after), opened doors for me, worn appropriate clothing, called and/or showed up when he said he would, not acted creepy or anything-- he just seems super-shy and seems like he's not always sure what to say. But dealing with a little awkwardness is a small price to pay for someone intelligent and nice-- there are worse things.

Our first date was 2 weeks ago, and went great-- no kiss, but I figured that a) not everyone kisses on the first date and b) Mr. Shy was even less likely than most to kiss on the first date. He called me the next day after that date and we talked for 3 hours. He went out of town for work a few days after that, and we exchanged a few emails and had one long phone call during the week he was gone. Very friendly. Fewer awkward pauses than during our initial conversations. So far, so good, I figured.

Yesterday was our second date. We went to eat at a nice restaurant, and were going to walk around this park by a lake for a little while before going to a movie. We talked a lot at dinner, and he gave me a little souvenir from his trip. We stopped to get theater tickets before the walk, but there was no power at the theater we'd planned to go to, and they obviously weren't going to be open. So in order to see the artsy not-in-wide-release film we'd planned to see, we skipped the park and went to an earlier showing of that film somewhere else. We watched the movie, had a good talk about what we thought about it on the way back to the cars, he asked me if I wanted to go out again next week, and left. NO kiss, no handshake, no handholding, no arm around my shoulder at the movie, no nothing. And I was on my way home by 10:00, which I had not expected!! So even though the date went basically fine, I wonder if he even likes me.

By a second date, if he were really interested in me, shouldn't he have made some kind of gesture of physical affection, even if it were just a small one? I'm not looking for a big snog, just some indicator that he likes me. One of my friends thinks I should consider his general shyness/awkwardness and give it more time (she thinks the souvenir indicates that he does like me). It definitely does not seem like he's had a lot of experience with girls, so I suppose that could be right. Another thinks maybe he's just very respectful and is waiting for ME to make some kind of first move-- I'm not sure about that one. (Besides, when I first got to the restaurant, he was there first, and I greeted him the way I greet most of my friends-- with a light hug-- and I thought that indicated that I'm interested well enough.) I personally think it could be that he's not super-interested, but just likes me. So we could go on going out and talking and not going anywhere with it for AGES. I also think that maybe skipping the lake walk/talking portion of the date was a mistake-- not a lot of bonding goes on while watching a movie, not talking to each other.

What do y'all think? Give it time? Chances are that it's not going to go anywhere? Just don't go on any more non-talking movie dates? I like this guy, but I think if nothing happens in another date or two, it surely isn't meant to be.
Last edited by bronte71; September 27,2009 at 6:34am. Reason: the queen is dead
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  September 27,2009, 6:49am
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Definitely give it time. And also--help things along yourself.

Next time you're walking to your cars, stick your arm through his or grab his hand to hold it.

You might need to make the first move for physical contact if he is that shy, and from you have written, inexperienced at relationships. He might be really bad at reading your signals to know that it is okay to move in for a kiss, but hand holding or something leading up to it is probably in order here.

Are you giving clear signals of your interest?

The fact that he asked you out for a third date says to me that he is very interested--and you'll probably now it more if (when) he calls you, especially if it is today.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  September 27,2009, 6:55am
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He sounds like a nice man and very thoughtful. I had a similar dilemma recently and spoke to a male friend about it. His response was - "I'd say he was serious about getting to know you.. I pounce when I'm looking for a quick hit." It also depends on the region this person is from (where he grew up) and the accepted dating protocol. If he's unsure or shy he might have been concerned with being rejected. Go out with him again. I'd rather have someone move slowly than too fast.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #4  September 27,2009, 7:02am

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my last boyfriend didn't even try to kiss me until the 3rd date.

I think your bolded statement sums it up well....

He is probably a little awkward, but it's also a sign he respects you.

He would not ask you out again if he was not interested.

Give it some time!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  September 27,2009, 7:27am
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OK, so I am not a kisser, OK!

Very uncomfortable kissing. Does not mean that I am not interested, just means that I am uncomfortable kissing.
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #6  September 27,2009, 7:32am
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Either his Hard Drive is corrupted or he needs a RAM upgrade.
 
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bronte71 is offline bronte71 Post #7  September 27,2009, 7:39am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
OK, so I am not a kisser, OK!

Very uncomfortable kissing. Does not mean that I am not interested, just means that I am uncomfortable kissing.
That does me feel a little better (although your very EMPHATIC answer makes me a little afraid that you ARE the person I've been dating). But would you also not try to hold someone's hand or hug them or anything? Just curious. I know some people are just not very touchy-feely.
 
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bronte71 is offline bronte71 Post #8  September 27,2009, 7:41am
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Dugl wrote :
Either his Hard Drive is corrupted or he needs a RAM upgrade.
It may be the RAM. At his age, he just doesn't run as fast as the newer models, I guess.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #9  September 27,2009, 7:46am
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He would probably dance with a balloon between you too
Wow....he is very old school and I didn't think there were too many people like this left. Definitely it would be best to exercise patience as he enjoys your company and treating you well. I myself can be pretty chatty and familiar with just about anyone but when I am carefully considering someone, I reign myself in so I can get a better picture of the one sitting across from me At least you know that when he does get around to kissing you/showing signs of affection, it will be sincere
 
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bronte71 is offline bronte71 Post #10  September 27,2009, 7:47am
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These are reassuring answers... thanks, guys.
 
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