Living together before marriage? Good idea or not?


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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #21  September 27,2009, 4:34am
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D_Lion wrote :

I am sure I would live together prior to marriage (and I do not consider cohabiting a sign that marriage is intended - I see these as unrelated decisions.)

Couldn't agree more Frogmeister and for that I give you 5
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #22  September 27,2009, 4:56am
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I have no problem with couples living together, before or instead of marriage. Commitment does not require a license, IMO. It does require a level of emotional maturity, a sound sense of responsibility, tolerance, and good communication skills.

I don't see marriage as a goal. It's a BTDT for me, and I don't need the tshirt. What I do need is a steady partner (check), a lover (check), and sound mind I can bounce my crazy ideas off of (check). I got all that, so until/unless it looks like we'll need the legalities to care for each other, getting married isn't a priority for me.

Besides, I really don't want the hassle of planning the reception...
 
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Icarus_rw is offline Icarus_rw Post #23  September 27,2009, 5:59am
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yoga_gal wrote :
With the high rate of divorce in our country do you think living together before marriage would help discover if a couple is compatible or would it hurt? Is it better to live together without a commitment and discover if marriage is a good idea or does it make marriage less of a commitment is one takes place?
Before I even read the other posts I'm going to respond. It is my philosophy if you can live together with a significant other for at least 6 months and still have the same feeling about him/her that you had when you guys lived apart then I believe you're ready for marriage. A lot of people are probably going to say you shouldn't live together until you're married. Heh, that is archaic thinking if you ask me. When you live together you get to see the good and the bad everyday. You know, those little quirks that you don't see because you're not around your SO everyday.

Take this post however you may but I definitely believe in cohabitation before marriage. For the ladies out there thinking about doing this, definitely let your guy know he wont be having the milk without buying the cow forever. Most guys tend to think cohabitation with out marriage is okay and will try to give you just that to appease you. Let these type of men know that cohabitation is a means to a marriage if the relationship lasts that long.

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duffbeer is offline duffbeer Post #24  September 27,2009, 10:54am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
From what I have seen living together before marriage has not improved the success rate of the marriage. I believe that this is born out by multiple studies.
Those studies are meaningless because they do not consider those who have lived together and broken up before marriage. In every one of those cases, a bad marriage was avoided, but was never "counted" in a study.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #25  September 27,2009, 11:21am
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duffbeer wrote :
Those studies are meaningless because they do not consider those who have lived together and broken up before marriage. In every one of those cases, a bad marriage was avoided, but was never "counted" in a study.
What reason do you have to believe that marriage was the alternative to living together (that if the cohabiting couples hadn't lived together they would have married)? That's not really a valid assumption... Or, are you just talking about the small subset of couples who were cohabiting as a deliberate, time-limited "trial marriage" period to determine if they were going to go ahead and wed at the end of that period?

In any event, I think you may be misunderstanding the implications and conclusions from the studies a bit.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #26  September 27,2009, 11:28am
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whatalife1683 wrote :
I did this before, and I will do it again. Me and my ex lived together for years. We had the car in our name, shared bank accounts, place in our name, bills in our name you name it. Basically, we were a married couple without the proper paperwork. If I was in the hospital, they had no problem letting her see me. In fact, I made sure before she was the first person to be contacted and allowed to see me. I do not see a problem with co-habitation. It is alright IF both parties agree on it. We both agreed on it, and we were fine. We broke up because of personal issues, and not because we lived together. I think there is a age gap for this question. I have known many couples my age who live together, but older couples do not. Also, to the people talking about studies on this. There is no definitve real study on the subject to favor of a high divorce rate or not. I had to do a study while in college. If you did not enjoy one anothers company before marriage and living together, then you were not going to have a better marriage if lived apart before getting married. This is something that cannot really have a casuality. There can be correlations, but for a definite answer there needs to be casuailty. This is going by scientific research terms.
I also lived with my ex before we married, but we kept everything separate until we were wed. Our choice to move in together was purely for practical reasons because I moved overseas to join him and simply could not afford a place of my own. I just finished by master's degree and could not work there (visa). I initially lived with him for a few months as a trial period to see how things would be after a one year LDR period. Then we decided to get married and lived together almost another year before the wedding.

Would I do it again? It's something I don't have a definite opinion on. Maybe if it was another geography issue again. That said, I think if I have a relationship where we are spending so much time together that we are practically living in each others' homes, I can pretty much get the idea of whether our lifestyles are compatible enough to withstand co-habitation after marriage.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #27  September 27,2009, 1:07pm

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I don't want to live together before getting married...I might if it made sense for another reason...but I would prefer not to.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #28  September 27,2009, 1:55pm
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I think for some, it's a crutch. Living together is huge committment without legal benefits. I don't think commonlaw marriages are recognized anymore, but there is one couple that I know who weren't legally marriaged but when they split had to get a legal divorce. Ouch!

I just don't think it's a necessary step, and I wouldn't do it. But I suppose for some, if that's what they both desire, it's worth it.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #29  September 27,2009, 2:38pm
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neardc wrote :
Or, are you just talking about the small subset of couples who were cohabiting as a deliberate, time-limited "trial marriage" period to determine if they were going to go ahead and wed at the end of that period?

Are you suggesting that only a small portion of cohabiting individuals are doing so to provide the answer to “should we get married?” I would have thought that to be most of them.
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #30  September 27,2009, 3:01pm
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yoga_gal wrote :
With the high rate of divorce in our country do you think living together before marriage would help discover if a couple is compatible or would it hurt? Is it better to live together without a commitment and discover if marriage is a good idea or does it make marriage less of a commitment is one takes place?
I think any time regularly spent with an SO is going to show up compatibility issues. I don't consider living together to be a commitment, because I can walk at any time without accountability. Unlikely I could do so if I were married.

I've been in my workplace nearly 12 years now and have seen around 20 marriages end in divorce within two years of the ceremony. For all of these couples, they all lived together between 2-12 years. So in my view, living together - even for years - is not ultimately going to determine if we will be compatible in the long run.
Last edited by meri75; September 27,2009 at 3:19pm. Reason: fixing typo
 
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