More on Kids Coming First

Here's the key. It's not about putting one first or the other 2nd. It's about giving each relationship the priority that is needed to meet the needs of the other person. Some days that will mean that more time, energy, and attention may be spent on the children, and some days it will mean the spouse. Parents of more than one child go through this all the time. You can't split up your time equally every single day. Some days one child is going to need more than the others. Same thing when you bring in an adult relationship.

When I and some others see a statement in a profile about how "my children will always come first" then this sends us a message that the person is not going to be able to balance new relationships and is not going to be able/willing to give a new adult relationship the priority that may be needed at times.

Being a single dad I would want to be with someone who did understand that my children would always be a high priority for me, but at the same time I would not want them to feel as if their needs would always be secondary.

The one caveat I'd throw in is that when I discuss this I'm thinking in terms of a relationship leading to marriage. If it were a situation with a casual boyfriend/girlfriend then I'd completely agree that the adult should expect to be secondary in that scenario.