to close or not to close?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
goldengirl7676 is offline goldengirl7676 Post #1  September 25,2009, 9:09pm
goldengirl767…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2008

Texas

Posts: 163

See profile

I was matched with a guy a couple of weeks ago. He had a very nicely written profile, seemed really sweet, intelligent -- and normal! -- by what he wrote in it, and looked nice, too. Not movie-star handsome by any means, but a nice-looking guy just the same. Everything about him seemed great.

All of my info and photos were available to this match, but I didn't get any communication request from him. After a couple of days, I decided to initiate communication. He didn't respond immediately, so I waited about three days and sent him a Fast Track note mainly because I wanted to tell him I liked the pictures on his profile. Several were of him hiking and spending time outdoors with his dog, a golden retriever. I have goldens and immediately noticed that in his profile. It was something we had in common, so I decided to send him a quick note about that.


Well, it took him several days to reply and he seemed quite happy that I had mentioned his dog. He made a little chit-chat about his dogs, said it was nice to "meet" me and asked if I wanted him to give me his regular email address or continue with the eH questions. I wrote back the next day and said either way was great and asked him a few friendly, small-talk questions such as where he grew up, how long he has lived in Dallas, what are some of his favorite places in the city, that sort of thing. I closed by telling him I hoped he was having a good weekend and giving him my email address in case he wanted to communicate that way. Now it has been almost a week and I've not heard back from him through eH or by my regular email address.

His profession is listed as surgeon and I've done some internet checking to see that he is legit. I know Drs., esp. surgeons, are busy folks, but I wouldn't think anyone, even someone in that line of work, would be so tied up that they'd go close to a week without responding, even if it was just to senda quick hello. Am I safe to assume he's just not that interested? Perhaps he's not as nice as he seems in his profile. Just not sure what to think.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #2  September 25,2009, 9:21pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

You got too attached to a picture and a profile, didn't you? And, intentionally or not, his lack of communication is making you even more interested, to the point that you are chasing him when he doesn't respond. He didn't answer your First Questions so you fast-tracked him "mainly because I wanted to tell him I liked the pictures on his profile." Sure you did.

You're doing all the work and he's doing nothing. You're doubting your intuitions to the point that you're asking total strangers on a message board what you should do.

If you're satisfied with this pattern, then by all means keep chasing him.
Last edited by melman; September 25,2009 at 9:23pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #3  September 25,2009, 9:37pm
MelinCali's Avatar

is moving!

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Earth

Posts: 8,113

See profile

I really don't think you can determine that a person is "nice" from a profile. What does that mean? Maybe if they talk about a lot of stuff they do to help others (time spent doing charity work) you can assume the person thinks and cares a lot about others. What are you basing your conclusion that he is nice on?

I'm sure that since he is a nice looking surgeon, he has a lot of interest from women. He might be busy with other dates--that's a very real possibility you should consider... not that he's just too busy operating and saving lives to send you a quick message.

On the other hand, I tend to think that giving someone at least 2 weeks to respond when you haven't even met yet and are just in communication is reasonable in case that person is genuinely busy and it's not a lack of interest. After a couple of weeks, I would close and move on.
Last edited by MelinCali; September 25,2009 at 9:39pm. Reason: An after thought.
 
  Reply With Quote
olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #4  September 25,2009, 9:59pm
olneyjeeps's Avatar

...

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

no

Posts: 1,933

See profile

Geez, untill I got to the part about being in Dallas, I thought you were talking about me

Curious (rhetorically) what the response would have been if it were a male writing about a female

Yes there were LONG breaks between questions/answers when I was in "guided communication" with Laura... patience, perserverance, but don't prematurely overcommit / make ANY assumptions.

Good "hunting" (not luck.... that is for the 99.9999999% of the people lose when they will win the lottery)
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  September 26,2009, 4:34am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

You have become attracted and attached to a profile. You have created a fantasy date.

You can leave him open and see if he responds, there is no harm in leaving a match open. However, you should be pursuing other matches. In fact you should be sending First Questions to every match that you have even the slightest interest in. About 90% of your matches are going to be non-paying matches that can't respond.
 
  Reply With Quote
goldengirl7676 is offline goldengirl7676 Post #6  September 26,2009, 4:52am
goldengirl767…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2008

Texas

Posts: 163

See profile

I certainly haven't created a fantasy date as some of y'all have suggested, but I did find him interesting by what he wrote in his profile. He took the time to write some really well thought-out answers, which is more than I can say for the boatload of nonpaying, incomplete and written-as-a-joke matches I've received lately. I've initiated communication with a good chunk of those guys too just to see what might happen. The result? Nada.

And yeah, the thought crossed my mind that since he is a decent-looking guy and is a surgeon, he might be up to his ears in women who want to be Mrs. Surgeon someday. Maybe not such a good idea to communcate with him after all. My gut's telling me he's just not interested.
 
  Reply With Quote
Chemistry is offline Chemistry Post #7  September 26,2009, 5:06am
Chemistry's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

LA

Posts: 7

See profile

I am no expert but I wouldn't jump into "assumptions" that He is not interested just b'se he has not responded. No matter he is a surgeon or whatever, he has his choices & priorities too.
My advice is to leave this match "open" & move on with what other that comes out. Let him write when he gets time or feel that "you" are not the one whom he can respond at his leisure..
Come on! we women should respect & love ourselves first! right??
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  September 26,2009, 5:21am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,659

See profile

goldengirl7676 wrote :
I wouldn't think anyone, even someone in that line of work, would be so tied up that they'd go close to a week without responding, even if it was just to senda quick hello. Am I safe to assume he's just not that interested? Perhaps he's not as nice as he seems in his profile. Just not sure what to think.

I think everything you have done so far is exactly right. You showing interest without being overbearing or needy is an ideal strategy – especially for a busy professional likely with many dating options.
[FONT=Arial]
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #9  September 26,2009, 5:29am
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

So you advocate that she continues to chase. Why?
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  September 26,2009, 5:41am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

For myself....if I don't respond at least within a few days it means I'm not really interested. Maybe I'm not uninterested enough to close the match (though I usually do that)....but just not really interested. Also, not likely to become more interested.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Caring for Aging Parents and Dating? Dealbreaker? | Dating | Romantic Meal.... What do you serve? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Do you close the match after meeting a person? grapefruitjuice Using eHarmony 16 March 5,2010 10:51am
Open Comm..about to close, what to say. Paolo1117 Using eHarmony 11 September 25,2009 4:23pm
Please...just close me out, then. rRACINGRANDY Using eHarmony 7 September 5,2009 12:11pm
Why do you close out Matches on E Harmony? outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 18 August 23,2009 2:47pm
To close or not to close? PR_Princess Using eHarmony 11 July 29,2009 10:38am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Ingy - I'm not sure what you're reading, but I've consistently said he was totally my type. Yes, I have said he wasn't a looker, but I have also said I was relatively certain I would warm to him ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“OP, do you have celiac disease? If not, I hate to burst your bubble but there's no health benefit to giving up gluten. Gluten is problematic only to people who have reactions to it, and you'd know ... ” –  jimmyh452

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“ Most folks don't want to see matches that don't fit within their preferences. I know I didn't. That's why they set their preferences! ” –  FairOne

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Yeah, this article was pretty disgusting. Not surprising how many women try to justify such tactics. The woman in the article clearly cares more about getting married than about who she marries. A ... ” –  jimmyh452

Join the “How to Get the Proposal You Want...Without Asking For It” discussion

“LOL....Yet another thread started by a "newbie" who is gone after one post just to rile up the community.....” –  Ingytravel

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“ I did try to follow a comic book series once. It was called Starfire and she had a costume change due to her outfit being caught on a nail. It was similar to something that people found ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Avengers” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:06pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0