strategory or spontaneous speak?


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DenBob is offline DenBob Post #61  September 26,2009, 4:39am
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Love this forum, you guys crack me up. I have to agree with Cap'n Crunch. I too have been on some great first dates, and no matter how well the date went, the ending is nerve-racking as heck. I think like a lot of men, I rehearse things in my head to say. Not because I want them to be practiced and rehearsed, but because I dont want to screw up and say something stupid. But, when the moment comes for the goodbyes, something unexpected falls out. I think this guy had that problem and then did a little back-pedaling and damage-control to add that second line. I have heard a lot of you ladies comment on certain words or actions being the kiss of death... In my experience, we men, dont sit around and come up with a list of code words or actions (lack of actions) to convey any certain meaning. I think we are just saying something spontaneously and hope for the best reaction.

------Please ladies, give us word-fumbling men (well, I guess should speak for myself) some pointers on what actions / words / gestures would be appropriate for the end of a nice date and further interest, or what to do NICELY when we know it will be the last???

Thanks for the help!!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #62  September 26,2009, 6:53am
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cp30 wrote :
strong arm him!? lol. I can't say I've ever seen or given such advice...lol

I'm not really asking for advice. I'm really curious if this is a new 'move' somewhere in books for dudes or something....cause it really caught me off guard and gave me every emotion within about 10 seconds from disappointment to humor, to happy. to confused. to thank god I have some wine at home too.
All the books are written for you ladies. Didn't you know that a guy can get any babe he wants it is only you ladies that have trouble getting, keeping, etc. the guy you want
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #63  September 26,2009, 11:23am
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Speaking as a person whose "first dates" have mostly ended in a LTR, I would say that didn't sound good at all . . . because if he really, really liked you, he would have had asked you for a second date before ending the first date. My two cents.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #64  September 26,2009, 11:32am

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AsianFusion wrote :
Speaking as a person whose "first dates" have mostly ended in a LTR, I would say that didn't sound good at all . . . because if he really, really liked you, he would have had asked you for a second date before ending the first date. My two cents.
mmm. yeah. I've definitley had first dates that left me feeling more confident. I've had better first dates overall too, in general.

They haven't always asked me out at the end of the date though. Sometimes it is just this....sort of awkward and cheesy and kind of funny.

I'm not even checking my email this weekend. I don't want to dwell on it and I have a couple of other people I'm emailing and probably going to go out with as well.

I hope he gives me a call or something this week, but if not, it's not really the end of the world!
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #65  September 26,2009, 11:37am
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cp30 wrote :
mmm. yeah. I've definitley had first dates that left me feeling more confident. I've had better first dates overall too, in general.

They haven't always asked me out at the end of the date though. Sometimes it is just this....sort of awkward and cheesy and kind of funny.

I'm not even checking my email this weekend. I don't want to dwell on it and I have a couple of other people I'm emailing and probably going to go out with as well.

I hope he gives me a call or something this week, but if not, it's not really the end of the world!
Way to go! Good attitude!
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #66  September 26,2009, 2:43pm
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AsianFusion wrote :
Speaking as a person whose "first dates" have mostly ended in a LTR, I would say that didn't sound good at all . . . because if he really, really liked you, he would have had asked you for a second date before ending the first date. My two cents.
That is a misconception. Some men use that technique while many others don't.

It is just one technique of many.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #67  September 26,2009, 2:53pm

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bigfincat wrote :
That is a misconception. Some men use that technique while many others don't.

It is just one technique of many.
yes, I recall Roccio (sp) saying he would never ask for another date on the first date.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #68  September 26,2009, 3:04pm

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oh, and my last boyfriend didn't even try to kiss me until the 3rd date.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #69  September 26,2009, 9:49pm
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jayjay wrote :
You mean...you took your daughters the first time you went to meet a woman?
Yes, as qualified by the facts that I got to know her (computer and on phone) AND "investigated" the multi million dollar high end equestrian facility she manages..."meeting" was just like several other horse / Jeep loving friends (although most were not females, none were "dating prospects") I have taken my girls to. I take my girls virtually everywhere. As a general rule, I don't (with or without them) go to places that it would be inappropriate to take them (kinda like the "if your mom wouldn't approve, you shouldn't be doing it" ontology).

cp30 wrote :
yes, I recall Roccio (sp) saying he would never ask for another date on the first date.
Don't ask, be assured that it will happen and schedule it (if you want one)

bigfincat wrote :
 That is a misconception. Some men use that technique while many others don't.
It is just one technique of many.

IMHO, someone who is using a "technique" (unless it is just being themselves, of course) is a fake. Playing "games" leads to miscommunication, which leads to failed relationships.

cp30 wrote :
oh, and my last boyfriend didn't even try to kiss me until the 3rd date.
And you liked or disliked his "waiting"? why / why not?
Last edited by olneyjeeps; September 26,2009 at 9:59pm.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #70  September 26,2009, 10:20pm

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As for the wating...

I was confused by it on the first date. Wasn't sure what it meant. Same on the second date. But we kept communicating.

On the third date all questions were clearly answered by actions and words....

He told me later he didn't have doubts about that but I really wasn't sure. Though, we did remain in communication.

I appreciated the slowness but also the communcation.

So, it was slow....but he never lost me.

It will be hard to follow him
 
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