trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #51  September 25,2009, 3:54pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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cp30 wrote :
a few cups of coffee, lunch time setting, and a man and I'll be geared up to get that power point presentation thrown together just in time for the afternoon meeting. I'll be a team player.

But probably not your future girlfriend.

Love the idea that working in tandem we could probably baffle or bull sh*t some Starbucks regulars into relationships.

I'm in!
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #52  September 25,2009, 4:05pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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I have been thinking this.

The next time I meet up with someone in the flesh that I've met online I'm going to very strictly time restrict the meeting. So it may as well be for coffee.

The reason for this is that I think if you get along quite well you tend to hang around too long for comfort with someone who is, let's face it, a stranger. The conversation lulls, it gets awkward, something, nothing, I don't know but you know what I mean?

So I'm meeting the first time for an hour at most. Then I'm making up a fictious appointment and I'm off.

If you don't like each other it'd be a blessed relief and if you do like each other it'll make the prospect of meeting up again very attractive. If the first meeting trails off then the prospect of meeting up again is less attractive, even if you would've been just fine.

Leave 'em wanting more is my new thinking.

 
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melman is offline melman Post #53  September 25,2009, 4:41pm
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Even an hour is a long time to talk with a stranger. A time limit is crucial, even if you have to make up a reason for it. As you said, better to leave wanting more, than to "hit the wall" and run out of intelligent things to say, simply due to brain lock or the adrenaline wearing off. For me that happens after about 30 minutes.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #54  September 25,2009, 4:45pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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melman wrote :
Even an hour is a long time to talk with a stranger. A time limit is crucial, even if you have to make up a reason for it. As you said, better to leave wanting more, than to "hit the wall" and run out of intelligent things to say, simply due to brain lock or the adrenaline wearing off. For me that happens after about 30 minutes.
Probably does for me too but it's been that bloody long since I've been on a date that an hour seemed reasonable. Now you mention it, it does sound like a long time.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #55  September 25,2009, 5:03pm
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This is Reason #27 why I prefer activity-based first meetings. 30 minutes of conversation spread out over a 2-hour hike or jog or etc. is much more manageable.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #56  September 25,2009, 5:11pm

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okay. Here is my final (yeah right) thought on this.

If you just want something fast that doesn't need to be a big deal I'd say at least choose a bar in the evening instead of a coffee place during the day.

With the price of coffee these days, it'll be the same price anyway!

Unless of course you are sure you have someone who would really prefer the daytime/coffee experience. I know they exist.
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #57  September 25,2009, 7:25pm
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Why not just say, "Meet me out FRONT of the coffee bar. Let's see what happens. Maybe I'll ask you inside to join me for a coffee."

She'll say, "If you ask, maybe I'll accept. Maybe."

- Saul
 
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Tinderbox is offline Tinderbox Post #58  September 28,2009, 3:28pm
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cp30 wrote :
okay. Here is my final (yeah right) thought on this.

If you just want something fast that doesn't need to be a big deal I'd say at least choose a bar in the evening instead of a coffee place during the day.
*applause*
Especially if cp30 is buying drinks.
 
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three_eyes is offline three_eyes Post #59  September 28,2009, 4:16pm
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cp30 wrote :
you are making sense to people who feel the same way.

For me, if the guy doesn't get to me on the first date there might not BE a second date.

All of these things affect how I will react to you on a first date and how I will see you and I am aware of this.

I had a first date last night that could have been a cheap, one beer night. It was at a nice dim pub style restaraunt.

It was great, we ended up staying for food and more drinks and laughing and it felt condusive to romance, not business.

I doubt I would have felt the same way about him, and I would have been much less comfortable if we had met during the day at a coffee shop.

I don't know if we will go out again (I hope so) but if the first date would have been uncomfortable for me and we were less relaxed and into each other I might not agree to a second date.

People go into a situation thinking it's not going to work out....is a setup for failure.

You should go into a first 'meeting' beleving that you will want a second date. This way you will put your best foot forward.
I just had this exact experience and I completely agree with you. One date was drinks on a Friday night, we ended up talking for two hours and getting some food. It had the feeling of romance - this is a DATE between a man and a woman. The other was a coffee date during the day the following afternoon. Talked with the guy for 8.5 hours straight, but there was absolutely no romance in it. It was like hanging out with a friend. He asked me out again and I'm hesitating - does he even have an ounce of romance in him? Not if the first date is any indicator. I'm considering a second date, but based on what he wants to do, there's once again no romance in it. It does kinda lead to the correlation that someone who would choose a coffee date doesn't really understand what women want in a date. I guess if you're a woman who doesn't like romance, it's okay. But the odds are against you on this one if you're not sure.
 
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