"my daughter will always come first"


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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #1  September 23,2009, 3:02pm

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How do you react to profile's that state these types of things?

I got an email from a guy that was "blown away" by me and my profile...and I don't feel the same. I mean, it would be pretty good....except I really hate statements like this. First of all, I understand your children are important to you. Second of all, is it really a good way to start out on the right foot? To tell me I will always be second place, no matter what?

"I have a beautiful daughter, she will always come first no matter what"

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It just seems to me a little unnessary and immature. Especially, since, I might want to have some kids. Will they be second too? Would I be second to them?

do I even really care to know the details, I don't even know your favorite color...chill out man!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 23,2009, 3:08pm
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I avoided women with children, and versions of this phrase were a contributing reason.
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dahlimema is offline dahlimema Post #3  September 23,2009, 3:11pm
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I agree it seems over the top. Maybe he was in a relationship and the women was more demanding of his time and now he feels guilty about not spending time with his daughter. Could be he feels this is the way to let future ? dates know that he plans on being involved in his daughters life. Although I wouldn't suggest this on a profile maybe during OC. Just a random thought.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #4  September 23,2009, 3:13pm
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As a father I simply had to respond to this one. Yes my children have always come first, and that means the mother is second. Someone please tell me what is wrong with putting children first??
 
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dahlimema is offline dahlimema Post #5  September 23,2009, 3:21pm
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There is nothing wrong with putting children first. As parents that is what we do. I think the OP was questioning how does one react to a strong statement as such. I would ask myself what happened to him in his previous relationship that he felt he needed to put it in his profile.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #6  September 23,2009, 3:23pm

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Laughingdaily wrote :
As a father I simply had to respond to this one. Yes my children have always come first, and that means the mother is second. Someone please tell me what is wrong with putting children first??

well, that is your opinion of course.

My mother is a strict Christian. Even she says it's biblical that you put your spouse first, then your children. And it tends to work out that way anyway, in real life. You can't take care of anyone unless your taking care of yourself.

What I am saying though, is yes. I understand his child comes before strangers, dates, etc.

But when you write it in your profile it makes you sound hostile. No one wants to go on a date with someone who is already basically telling you to back off. It's like a defensive thing and I don't even know the guy. I don't even KNOW if I would want that much time from the guy. It's assumptious and hostile language to someone you don't even know.

Plus, I would presume a father would be responsible and loving toward his children. This would play out in his actions and Im smart enough to figure that out on my own. I don't need him to spell it out to me in a way that is hostile and making it known that I would always come second.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #7  September 23,2009, 3:24pm

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dahlimema wrote :
There is nothing wrong with putting children first. As parents that is what we do. I think the OP was questioning how does one react to a strong statement as such. I would ask myself what happened to him in his previous relationship that he felt he needed to put it in his profile.
yes, indeed....it does reek of baggage.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #8  September 23,2009, 3:29pm
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Nothing is wrong with putting your kids first...it goes without saying. I got a lot women who mention their kids as one of the 'Can't live without' items. I think it's a bit lame to emphasize it in one's profile but a lot of people do it so I guess it's 'normal'.

Edit: To answer the question, what does it hurt to check the guy out as long as the rest of his profile is OK?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  September 23,2009, 3:33pm
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I too am put off by statements like this. Particularly when they are in a profile. I maintain that there can be two firsts. Both the child and the significant other / spouse.

I very seriously doubt that either my mother or father said that I was first and the other was second. To my dad, my mother and I were both an equally important part of his life. The same with my mother, my dad and I were equally important.

In the case where you have more than one child which one is more important? If you are younger and have a child already, as in the OP, and were to find another spouse and have a child together then which child would he put first?

Seems that to make this statement is an indication that the person does not have much love to give. Certainly not enough to share between his child and his SO.

All you single parents you may let the flaming begin.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #10  September 23,2009, 3:33pm
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Maybe the father has had some issues with either his ex, or a past relationship. And he thinks this needs to be put in his profile in regards to his children. Seems odd, but then this may be a sign of trouble in paradise.
 
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