When do you give up on love?


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Psycue is offline Psycue Post #1  September 21,2009, 5:29pm
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Today, I was talking with a friend who just got out of a 'relationship' with a con artist. They met on Match.com and long story short he swindled a large sum of money from her. In talking, she shared where she went wrong in allowing this person to take advantage of her and even though hindsight is 20/20 she states that the only difference between this time and other relationships is this time she left him.
Now usually I would say something positive and motivating but before I could she says, "I don't think I'm suppose to be in a relationship much less be married or have children. I have to realize that everyone doesn't get be in love."
Aww Man!!! Don't break my heart! Even Biblically it is referenced that every women will not wed and/or have children but at what point do you realize that that person is you?
 
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SpookyMulder is offline SpookyMulder Post #2  September 21,2009, 5:55pm
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This may sound harsh....

Honestly, this sounds like a woman who is just a horrible decision maker and/or has terrible instincts.

Someone who can "never get to fall in love" or cannot be in a healthy relationship with another person is someone who has serious emotional issues or deep personal reasons/convictions, not the average person.

This woman should not equate her bad luck or poor decisions with nature randomly selecting her to never find a soul mate or true love. I know she probably wants to reconcile her loss by responding in a way that absolves her from guilt, but it's unhealthy thinking on her part.

She has to move on (pursue criminal justice to track the sicko down if possible) but most importantly, to start thinking more positively. I do wish her the best of luck.
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #3  September 21,2009, 5:58pm
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NEVER!! lol

I personally am not one that gives up easy. There's been times in my life where I almost gave up. Instead of giving up entirely and thinking things are hopeless I've thrown myself into other activities. Taken a break, so to speak. I've always come out stronger and more confident for it.

I don't think your friend should give up, but maybe she just needs some time to lick her wounds.

As far as "meant to be alone" means, I am of the opinion that applies more to people that don't really care or desire to be in relationships. I know a few of these people. It's not that they wanted a relationship and then became jaded and gave up. More along the lines they're truly happier when they're not in a relationship. I think people that want to be in relationships will find someone, it just might take time and going through a lot of duds. The world is strange that way, things happen when they happen, unfortunately it doesn't always agree with the time line we want.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  September 21,2009, 5:59pm
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Times have changed since the bible was written, thus it is out of date and likely wrong.

As a serious matter, I think your friend is defeating herself to have an attiitude that "I wasn't meant to have love."

Fixing the attitude is a first step ... followed by picking better partners.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  September 21,2009, 5:59pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Psycue wrote :
Today, I was talking with a friend who just got out of a 'relationship' with a con artist. They met on Match.com and long story short he swindled a large sum of money from her. In talking, she shared where she went wrong in allowing this person to take advantage of her and even though hindsight is 20/20 she states that the only difference between this time and other relationships is this time she left him.
Now usually I would say something positive and motivating but before I could she says, "I don't think I'm suppose to be in a relationship much less be married or have children. I have to realize that everyone doesn't get be in love."
Aww Man!!! Don't break my heart! Even Biblical it is referenced that every women will not wed and/or have children but at what point do you realize that that person is you?
Would you care to state the particular passage in the Bible. I would like to read this and see what it actually says.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  September 21,2009, 6:04pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Would you care to state the particular passage in the Bible. I would like to read this and see what it actually says.
I don't know where it is but I think somewhere in there it says 'Seek and ye shall find'.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  September 21,2009, 6:10pm
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tweet37 wrote :
I don't know where it is but I think somewhere in there it says 'Seek and ye shall find'.
Matthew 7:7

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #8  September 21,2009, 6:12pm
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Psycue wrote :
Today, I was talking with a friend who just got out of a 'relationship' with a con artist. They met on Match.com and long story short he swindled a large sum of money from her. In talking, she shared where she went wrong in allowing this person to take advantage of her and even though hindsight is 20/20 she states that the only difference between this time and other relationships is this time she left him.
Now usually I would say something positive and motivating but before I could she says, "I don't think I'm suppose to be in a relationship much less be married or have children. I have to realize that everyone doesn't get be in love."
Aww Man!!! Don't break my heart! Even Biblically it is referenced that every women will not wed and/or have children but at what point do you realize that that person is you?
First, I have to ask you Psycue, where is that Biblical reference?

Second, I think your question is a hard one to answer, because it could vary from person to person. I do know that not everyone marries and has children for whatever reason, but the point at which these people come to know, realize, or decide this is their life I couldn't tell you. Some choose it for whatever reason; but I think it chooses others, too.

Your friend is making a serious assumption based on some bad decisions/experiences she's made/encountered. That's too bad, and faulty logic! If her logic were valid, NONE of us is supposed to be in relationships, because we've all been through some hurt at some point, we've all made bad decisions, we've all trusted someone it turned out we shouldn't have. It may not have cost most of us money, but most people have had serious lapses in judgment when it comes to the opposite sex.

I think you encourage your friend by telling her that she is NOT defined, limited, or branded for life by her particular mistakes. She should become wiser from them, know what to look out for in the future, do better at guarding her heart and being discerning, but her previous failed relationships DO NOT indicate she'll never have a successful one. Unless she lets it be that way by giving up.

If your friend is religious at all, I would say that unless she prays and hears from God that He intends for her to be committed to serving Him with her life and He never intends for her to marry (she can ask and He'll answer if she really wants to know), then don't assume that's the course of her life.
 
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BusyBeingFabulous is offline BusyBeingFabulous Post #9  September 21,2009, 6:12pm
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Never, ever, EVER give up.

Get smarter, learn from your mistakes, change your attitude, take some time away from dating to work on yourself - finding peace within is the best liberator there is. If you don't feel you have to be with someone, then the confidence you exude is very attractive. If you emit happy, positive good vibes, I believe you get that back.

I'm sorry for your friend. Sounds like she's made some bad decisions and needs to break her pattern. Easier said than done, I know. But never give up!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  September 21,2009, 6:14pm
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Normally I would give up asking when the girl that I had asked said no and it would take a long time (years) before I would ask another girl out. This is how I got to this point in my life.
 
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