how many times should you see each other


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whatchamacallit is offline whatchamacallit Post #1  September 20,2009, 7:09pm
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Hi folks,
here is a disappointing situation I ran into recently: All is well, we both seem to like each other, but see each other about 1 night a week. He says he's looking for a relationship, and he's pretty respectful of me. Except, for me, one night a week is just not enough to get to know someone well and make a choice as to is this a good thing or just a fling. I ask him if he was into this, and admit to him that I would like to see him one day on the weekend as well sometimes... this after a month and a half of dating. 2 days later. He dumps me. by email.

I see him at random two weeks later and we discuss this. He tells me it's all my fault, that I blew it. He alludes to that fact that I am 'the clingy type'. That, if this would have come up after 2-3 months, he would have taken it differently... About the clingy thing: I seriously don't see myself as a needy girl. It sure isn't like I'm the kind to either phone 3-4 times a week, 'drop by' at random, or wait by the phone. But I don't play 'hard to get' or whatever. If I want to see someone, I'll call them up.

I've examined the situation quite rationally and, in all honesty, I think I was right to bring this up. For sure, I feel sorry that this ended the way it did. I did liked him, and would have like to get to know him better. and somehow, sometimes, I still second guess myself.

What do you guys think of this?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  September 20,2009, 7:14pm
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He's just not that into you.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  September 20,2009, 7:14pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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whatchamacallit wrote :
I ask him if he was into this, and admit to him that I would like to see him one day on the weekend as well sometimes... this after a month and a half of dating. 2 days later. He dumps me. by email.
From the sounds of it you were not only seeing him only once a week....but this was also on a weekday. It seems likely to me that he didn't have any serious long term interest in you. He had 'better things' (or people) to do on weekends and you were lower enough down on his list to only warrant weekday dates. The fact that he also dumped you as soon as you tried to ask for more also makes me think this. I'd say you're probably better off having him out of your life.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  September 20,2009, 7:21pm
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I think that jayjay is pointed in the right direction he just did not go far enough. The fact that he did not want to see you on the weekend is red flag territory indicating he is married.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  September 20,2009, 7:30pm
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In more general reference to the title if you are in the casual dating stage you may only be seeing each other once a week. As you progress into a more serious stage you will be seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week As the relationship matures and becomes even more serious you will begin spending even more time together.
 
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Maverick481 is offline Maverick481 Post #6  September 21,2009, 5:37am
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jayjay wrote :
From the sounds of it you were not only seeing him only once a week....but this was also on a weekday. It seems likely to me that he didn't have any serious long term interest in you. He had 'better things' (or people) to do on weekends and you were lower enough down on his list to only warrant weekday dates. The fact that he also dumped you as soon as you tried to ask for more also makes me think this. I'd say you're probably better off having him out of your life.
I agree with jayjay that he was not that into you. But there is also something else going on here as he wasn't even man enough to break up with you in person. I have a problem with a guy that is too wimpy to break up in person and does it via email. I would like to know what else was going on here. The clingy line that he used is just a lame easy blow off line in my humble opinion.

Personally I would like someone that doesn't play hard to get and is open and honest with me.

As jayjay said, I think you are better off with him out of your life.
 
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jrcurious is offline jrcurious Post #7  September 21,2009, 6:02am
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I am in a similar situation. I have been dating a woman for the last month+/- and we only see each other once a week (one day on weekends). We live 50 miles apart and our work schedules create some issues however; once a week is just not enough time to learn about each other…Would you recommend 2 or 3 days as minimal?
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #8  September 21,2009, 6:49am

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I also have to agree with JJ that something else was going on in his life besides you. Don't blame yourself, it is what it is and I suspect that he is messing around on whom ever he is living with. You can do a back ground check on him and turn up like a bad penny and rain on his parade or just move on the wiser that he was a bum!

Harvey7.
 
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trackstar is offline trackstar Post #9  September 21,2009, 6:59am
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Sounds exactly like a guy I work with. He used to have what the rest of us refer to as his "stable of women." At any given time, he might have 1 or 2 he'd be seeing on weekends and 1 or 2 that kept him busy during the week, as well as an ex-girlfriend that kept re-surfacing. Oh, and then there were random flight attendants and whatnot in cities that he would travel to on business. As soon as a "weekend" girl wanted to see him on a Wednesday or Thursday or left a toothbrush at his place, she was "crazy" and off of his list. Somehow, he always honestly thought the women were the ones with the problem. . . It's not that he wasn't into the girls so much as it was that he was really, really into himself.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #10  September 21,2009, 9:23am
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It sounds as though you are better of without him. Dumps you by email then is horrible to you after you bump into each other?!

I don't think you did anything wrong at all. Expressing an interest in seeing someone more after you have been dating a while lets them know you are invested in getting to know them better. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules either. Sometimes you meet someone for the first time and want to see each other a few days later, other times it's the once a week deal. At some point though, you want to do more than the dinner after work thing (it sounds like that was the deal here).
 
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