Ladies: Please help me fix my dry spell


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someguyoneh is offline someguyoneh Post #1  September 19,2009, 7:19am
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I've been on roughly 15-20 dates with different women in the last six months or so (probably more), but I'm encountering a lot of rejection. Pretty much all the dates have been from online because right now I don't really have another outlet to meet people. About ninety percent of the first dates never turn into a second and the ones that do seem to fizzle, because I get the impression they are interested at first, but then put me on the backburner because they meet some other guy. Needless to say I'm getting pretty frustrated and starting to feel like I'm some sort of unviable person. I'm by no means egotistical, but I mean come on, I'm 30 with a masters degree, at least reasonably attractive, and usually have fun conversations with people. I can understand not wanting to continue dating someone you just met and have no chemistry with, but there were many times where I felt something could have developed (for a second date at the very least), but for whatever reason my dates chose not to stay in contact. I'm really interested in the girl I'm trying to see now, which made it to a second date and she appeared to be interested, but then she gave me signs of uncertainty about half-way through the date when she said she wanted to "be friends." Of course this was akward at first, but she explained she wanted things to develop slow and naturally, and the date continued on while we had a really nice time. She could have ended the date after we finished our food and drinks, but she wanted to grab a coffee and continue talking. She even texted me when she got home to tell me what a nice evening she had and how she enjoyed my company. That has me really confused because anytime the "F" word rears its head its basically over, but she still seems to want to keep me in the loop, so to speak, but I'm mostly sure she's really testing me while placing me on the backburner, and probably met another dude in the time since our first date. I'll try to continue seeing her, but I don't have high hopes.

Sorry to make this sort of long winded, but ladies please offer me some advice. Do you think I'm coming across as some sort of player that makes women shy away, or is it just the nature of online dating? I have a really thick skin, but I am human and am now reaching the point of completely giving up and retiring from dating. Maybe I should look into being a monk, or becoming married to the sea?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  September 19,2009, 7:30am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Maybe I just have not had enough caffeine and sugar yet but what "F" word are you talking about?
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #3  September 19,2009, 7:36am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Maybe I just have not had enough caffeine and sugar yet but what "F" word are you talking about?
Friend = F word
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  September 19,2009, 7:38am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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You asked the ladies and I am obviously not one. But I will share my $.02 anyway.

First off you are doing quite fine in your dating. The girl does not meet you, fall madly in love and you two live happily ever after on the first date except in romance novels and the movies.

Dating is very much a numbers game. Therefore to be successful you have to get your numbers up. You have to meet a lot of people, go on a lot of dates and get rejected a lot. The fact that you are getting rejected a lot is good because that means that you are getting your numbers up. Instead of searching for women with the thought that she is going to be "the one" meet them with the expectation of going on a date for the fun of the date. You actually may have fun, learn something about the person and may even learn something about yourself. Also have the attitude of going out with almost anyone at least once.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  September 19,2009, 7:39am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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yoga_gal wrote :
Friend = F word
Thank you. Had brain fade and could not figure it out.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  September 19,2009, 11:01am

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Is it possible that your to bright and charming for the ladies that your choosing to go out on a date with and they don't get it? Is it possible that your chatting about topics that they do not care about and it makes come across as dull and boring? Take the sum total of the lady's and make a composite of them, what areas do you feel were your strengths and what areas were a bust? Part of the problem is your still socially immature and you have not been able to identify your matching bookend to complete the pair. You might be better off trying a professional Match Making Service and let them find your matched bookend for you? I don't think that you would benefit from adult education courses on how to?
You might also try professional dinner party's for MBA's looking to meet the same. Good Hunting.

Harvey7.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #7  September 19,2009, 11:12am
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is glad she can still surprise herself

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I'm not so sure she's banished you to the "Nothing More Than Friend" zone. You said that she told you she wants to take things slow, and maybe that's exactly what she means. She wants to be friends FIRST. And if you can develop a strong friendship, then...who knows?

Keep going out with her if she wants to keep going out with you, take your time, and see what happens.

Good luck, and loosen up and enjoy yourself!
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #8  September 19,2009, 11:12am
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is glad she can still surprise herself

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By the way, 15-20 dates? Dude, you're on a ROLL!
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #9  September 19,2009, 11:30am
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got married!

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Jacquiem wrote :
By the way, 15-20 dates? Dude, you're on a ROLL!
That's a lot more than I ever have in my whole life!!! And he had that in just a six-month period.
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #10  September 19,2009, 2:37pm
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To be honest, with the track record you describe, there has to be an issue but we can't tell you what it is.

All of these women felt you were attractive enough to meet, but something is turning them off when they meet you. Only a real life friend can give you help here. Ask some women you trust.
 
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