This is not my normal screen name, but many of you here are my 'friends.' I am an educated, attractive, well-liked female. I also have herpes.

When I first discovered I have herpes, I was devastated. Absolutely devastated. I thought my love life would be over forever... that no one would ever want me. I was terrified.

But the more I learned about this virus, the less scared I was. It is true that herpes is incurable, but it can be controlled to the point that it is not a big deal at all. I have about one outbreak per year when I am really stressed out about something. The "outbreak" is really just a couple of very small blisters that itch a bit for a week to 10 days. I have never had sex with someone while having an outbreak, and tell any partner I might have at the time when it is happening.

How did I get it? My then-husband gave it to me through oral sex. YES, you can get genital herpes from someone with "just a cold sore." I am living proof. I was a virgin when I met him and we were married a long time. I am certain I had it for many years before it was diagnosed. I always attributed the itching to a yeast infection. Herpes never crossed my mind.

When do I tell someone I'm dating that I have herpes? When it becomes evident that our relationship is going to last long enough that we are going to want to have sex. I do NOT put it in my profile, nor do I tell someone on a first or second date. It is disclosed on a need-to-know basis only. In many years of dating while divorced, I have had three one-year+ relationships and a handful of shorter relationships that included sex. None of them have gotten herpes from me. Except for one guy we did not use condoms (and he used them with EVERY partner, my having herpes did not influence him to wear them). When I get my sores, they are not located in an area that a condom would provide any protection anyway.

Nearly all the guys I have told about the herpes have been okay with it. One asked a friend of his who is an OB/GYN about it, and she reassured him that since I was on Valtrex the chances of him getting it from me were almost zero. There is a chance of getting it when there are no sores present, but it is a very, very low chance. In all that time, only one guy flipped out when I told him. Thing is.... that guy had never been tested for any STDs himself, so he had no idea whether or not he might even already have it! I have rejected way more men for other reasons than men have rejected me for having herpes.

I certainly wish I did not have herpes, but I am no longer devastated by knowing I have it. It is a minor inconvenience. It does NOT define who I am. If someone were to decide they didn't want to be with me because of it, they would be missing out being with a fine woman.

It is difficult to have that "talk" with a new partner. No one wants to hear their date has herpes, so the chance for being rejected by someone I really like because of it is very real. I get a stomach ache each time I am faced with having to tell someone new, not knowing what their reaction would be. It is ALWAYS me who initiates the discussion. I have yet to have a man ask me about STDs before wanting to get intimate. Most have admitted to me that it has never come up in any of their past relationships. I find that astounding.

I wouldn't go so far as to call herpes a "blessing," but it has made me far more responsible than I might have been about who I have sex with. I have to have a strong enough connection with the man and trust him enough to share this very personal information with him, and hope he does not reject me for it.

I could recite all sorts of statistics about how common herpes is, and most people who have it are not aware of it. Herpes is NOT commonly included in the standard STD tests at your doctor's office. You have to specifically ask to be tested for herpes or it will probably not be included in the battery of tests.

Despite the responses of some of the posters on here, it is possible to have a very fulfilling dating life if you have herpes.

I hope this helps answer the OP's concerns.