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nishatika nishatika is offline
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jayjay wrote :
I've never read any of these books. If you don't like the topic of conversation....just change the subject. You don't have to talk about those things.
That's my point, when I try to change the subject, they just keep talking about my job, like they have no idea what else to talk about.
I love my job, and it is very interesting and unconventional, which is why people like to ask about it, but even though they want to learn about it, I usually tell them in the first email, and on the first date, then I want them to start asking other questions. It's like now they only date me because of what I do for a living, and who I know, not because they want to get to know me.
- September 18th, 2009, 04:26 am
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re-read the pspot - it gives plenty of small talk conversation ideas. I just think when a man asks a question over and over, and all he wants to know about is my job (because my job is unconvetional and very exciting) and really doesn't want to get to know me. Who I am is not what I do for a living. Who I am is what I am and do outside of work.
- September 18th, 2009, 04:29 am
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nishatika nishatika is offline
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I try to, but they alwasy go back to my job, like they don;t care about me, but only my job ( because it is very exciting and unconventional) I do tell them about it, but then once I do, they don't want to talk about anything else.
- September 18th, 2009, 04:31 am
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whatalife1683 whatalife1683 is offline
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I am a male, and I have actually read the book. In fact, I did a presentation of the book in college for an Interpersonal Communication Class. I thought the book was boring, but that book was not for me. You seem very fristrated with guys asking about your job. I ask girls about their job or school or whatever. Guess what not one girl has EVER complained. The ones who did not like their jobs talked about it. People read your post, and you are coming off as an angry individual. If the guy is not listening to you, then you need to stop talking to him. Why continue to talk to somebody who does not listen? In your original post, you are generalizing all women in one category. I may be a guy, but your statements are far from the truth. This thread should have been about you and your frustrations. You are saying women this and that, so guys do this and that. Well, it does not work like that for every person. Overall, stop talking to guys who will not listen to you. Once you find a guy who will listen to you, then you will be able to move on in the relationship. By the way, it works both ways too. You should be able to listen to the guy too.
- September 18th, 2009, 04:53 am
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DancingFool DancingFool is offline
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I hear your frustration OP since I recently had my own little vent about this topic. I love my job, it's interesting but it's also stressful and once I'm done I don't really want to talk about it or relive my day. Unfortunately, just like you, I encounter quite a few dates where they are pushy and persistent and will continue asking to the point of being out of line.

I don't think it has anything to do with reading books. Some people are simply nosy. Some guys are gold diggers or are indeed looking to use you for your connections and are digging to know if you are worth their time. On the other hand, some people are genuinely interested in their jobs and love to talk about it very much since a lot of their personal identity is wrapped into that and they figure it's the same for you. Of course then there are a few where....well...they can't discuss anything else with you because they are that one dimensional.

Ultimately though, as some posters have said, your simple solution is to move on to a guy who does not do that. I know for me, if he is pushy and digging too much and ignores all my attempts to change the topic - it's the last time he'll be talking to me. Life is too short to hang around people who irritate you and don't respect your boundaries.
- September 18th, 2009, 05:56 am
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nishatika wrote :
I really think that too many men have read the mars and venus books and take them way too literally! I do not want the constant eye contact so much that it makes me feel uncomfortable, and makes you seem creepy.
Stop the googly eyes! Now I say!

Then, you all seem to be taking way too much an interest in how my day went or what my job is. My job is not that interesting, really, I don;t have much to say about it, and when I am not at work, I do not want to think about work or talk about work!!! And to want to hear every detail of my day, what did I eat, what did I do at work, what did I do after work. If I say I had a routine day then I did, the details are boring, and you actually aren;t interest, you just have read somewhere that you are supposed to act interested.

Women don;'t want that stuff, just be yourselves, make conversation about the news of the day, politics, social issues, your hobbies, general stuff that we both can chime in on, and maybe find some common ground. Talk about vacations you liked, books, movies, tv shows, sports, what you do in your spare time, stories from when you were a kid, what you were like in high school, colllege, a

and when you talk about what you do, just give the in a nut shell version, I don't want the 2 hour in depth version of what you do. When we ask about your day, the same - we are being polite, making small talk, don;t give every detail, just say your day was fine, or went well, that's all! unless something really spectacular and out of the ordinary happened, be it good or bad, then that is worth sharing.

I am done having boring conversations where all we do is talk about our jobs and our day!!!
That's an awful lot of generalizations in one post....

First of all, a lot of women swear by those books. Second, I don't think many men have read those books...we don't need to read a book to know that we communicate and interpret things differently from women. Third, a majority of women like it when men ask about how their day went and so forth...take a gander at the number of vent threads on these boards from women who complain about men who don't seem interested in their many dimensions, including their job.
- September 18th, 2009, 05:59 am
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Seneca wrote :
Most men with any sense at all realize that Mars/Venus book is nothing but a litany of Feminist tripe, the author notwithstanding.
If you meet a man who has swallowed that hogwash you haven't met a man.
___________________________________

AMEN! When I read in the M/V book the "correct" way of saying things, the other "correct" words to say (would instead of could and what it means! argh!) and all that jazz, even as a woman, I felt more confused. Does it mean if I'll not be able to follow the prescribed phrases/words/style of communicating, my man might be offended? It's like walking on eggshells. I trashed the thought and just concentrated on staying confident, talking straight, talking simple, and consistent on the boundaries.




- September 18th, 2009, 06:18 am
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I think men may ask those type of venus/mars questions frequently in the beginning of relationships, because it's a way to explore and get to know the person. If I as a man about his day, I really do want the in depth answer and not some 5 minute generic brush off answer. It gives me plenty of time to as questions and for the conversation to go on tangents. But I believe as a relationship progresses and two people get to know each other, the range of their conversations increase and these aren't so drawn out....unless the person has had a really stressful day or unless something really exciting and unusual happened. But as was stated previously, if a man is boring you, change the subject.

I haven't read these books, so I can't speak on what they say. But I know that if a man is attentive and talkative, he has my interest. And eye contact is good, but there's always that creepy sort like from a serial killer. I can't believe that the book would have meant that. Anytime anything is written there is the risk that it can be misunderstood or taken out of context.

But then again, as I said, I haven't read the books.
- September 18th, 2009, 06:47 am
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BILLGOLF BILLGOLF is offline
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I have read most of the Mars-Venus series of books and have found them to be very informative. We all make our own opinions on the validity of the contents so some folks will disagree with me. I wish I these books were available 40 years ago when I was 24. I doubt many men read these books, it would be interesting if I could do a check at my library to see how many men and how many women checked out these books.
- September 18th, 2009, 07:03 am
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6dle899 6dle899 is offline
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singleman4803 wrote :

Nothing like having a dead fish on the line and trying to start a conversation only to have that fish snap back at you for the lousy job you're doing as a conversationalist.
Where do you fish? What bait do you put on the line?


I would *LOVE* to get one of those on the hook !!!!!

wow!
- September 18th, 2009, 07:18 am
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