Why Do They Keep Trying?


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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #1  September 16,2009, 8:23pm
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I have had 2 matches that went to open communication, and after a few emails I've told these guys that I don't see a match. One has a young child and I'm not interested in helping to raise one, the other has a work related lifestyle I wouldn't enjoy.

Yet they just keep on writing, trying to make a case for themselves. In truth I like them and would casually date them, but both made clear they're looking for LTRs.

What would you do?
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #2  September 16,2009, 8:29pm
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Beachgirl, I take it you are communicating off the EH site, otherwise you could just close them.

I would just be firm and say that you are looking for something different and you feel it is best not to pursue something that doesn't fit with what you are looking for. You have every right to say that you are not interested and they should respect that. Politely wish them the best and then focus on looking for the match for you.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #3  September 16,2009, 8:40pm

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yes. close. I've had guys like that....that just seems to make them want you more. sooner or later they will poof when they see what you see.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #4  September 16,2009, 8:40pm
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yoga_gal wrote :
Beachgirl, I take it you are communicating off the EH site, otherwise you could just close them.

I would just be firm and say that you are looking for something different and you feel it is best not to pursue something that doesn't fit with what you are looking for. You have every right to say that you are not interested and they should respect that. Politely wish them the best and then focus on looking for the match for you.
+1

I would add that I would cease to communicate with them after that. It's easy enough to block emails from personal accounts, so once you wish them well, there's nothing wrong with going that route, as well, if they continue to contact you.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #5  September 16,2009, 8:43pm

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Why do people do that? Try to make a case for themselves? Wouldn't you feel silly if you did that - try to convince someone that you never met that no...really...you would really like me. lol!!

I don't think it is very attractive in a person and it would just serve to reinforce my decision.

Yes??
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #6  September 16,2009, 9:01pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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LizziePooh wrote :
Why do people do that? Try to make a case for themselves? Wouldn't you feel silly if you did that - try to convince someone that you never met that no...really...you would really like me. lol!!

I don't think it is very attractive in a person and it would just serve to reinforce my decision.

Yes??
I agree with you, Lizzie. And if someone has said, "I just don't see it happening," why would there even be a desire to meet that person? Desperation is never an attractive quality.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #7  September 16,2009, 9:31pm
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Yeah that can be a big problem, there are a lot of people out there who are either offended that they don't get two votes in whether or not you go out, or they think if they keep trying then you'll change your mind, fall in love and live happily ever after.
A lot of the time it's because they have had little or no success elsewhere and have invested all their hopes on a new try, any time someone does answer them they read way too much into the fact that they got an answer at all and so can't take no for an answer when it doesn't pan out.
There's not much you can do about it other than stop communicating with them.
 
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AsianW is offline AsianW Post #8  September 16,2009, 10:32pm
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beachgirl5 wrote :
I have had 2 matches that went to open communication, and after a few emails I've told these guys that I don't see a match. One has a young child and I'm not interested in helping to raise one, the other has a work related lifestyle I wouldn't enjoy.

Yet they just keep on writing, trying to make a case for themselves. In truth I like them and would casually date them, but both made clear they're looking for LTRs.

What would you do?

I agree with everything everyone else has said thus far on this thread, but I just have a question about why you went to OC with a guy that has kids when you are not interested in raising other people's children? Didn't you know from his profile from the outset that he had kids?
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #9  September 16,2009, 10:38pm
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No, no mention in the profile! He downplays his role in the young child's life, which is creepy. And this is a guy on the other side of the Country. Do they all think the woman will move?
 
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AsianW is offline AsianW Post #10  September 16,2009, 10:49pm
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Well, I look at your eH advice profile, and you are a woman with an impressive educational background. I haven't seen your picture yet, but if you are attractive as well, maybe you are too irresistible. Consider yourself one lucky woman.
 
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