Would you date a woman who said NO to premarital sex?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Adrienne89 is offline Adrienne89 Post #1  September 16,2009, 3:01pm
Adrienne89's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 17

See profile

Would you date a woman who said who insisted upon waiting for marriage before having sex?
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  September 16,2009, 3:01pm
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

Absolutely not!
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  September 16,2009, 3:17pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,659

See profile

Almost absolutely not, let's put it that way.

As I get older, I get less prioritized around sex, but there are a fair number of issues remaining:

I do not entertain religious conservative types, which seem to be most of the "waiting" women.

I do not accept attempts to use sex, the frequency or manner of sex, etc, as a device to manipulate me (Machiavellian games aren't a good strategy against me.)

I am sufficiently concerned about the quality of sex after marriage, that I doubt I would accept this condition.

I do not accept her "rules" as being more valid than mine, and since mine is to have sex soon, this is s stalemate.

I do respect a woman with regard for her safety and strategic choices, so long as she can defend them with data and logic, without inappropriately weighting certain variables.
 
  Reply With Quote
YYsmiley is offline YYsmiley Post #4  September 16,2009, 3:26pm
YYsmiley's Avatar

...Kiss me Mama

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2009

Toronto/ Canada

Posts: 51

See profile

The question is so outdated and shallow...Make sure you and I won't cross the path.

If you or her is that religious, they won't bother to think about this. Being considerate and kind is the first thing a good Christian / Catholic is. They pass through the temptation by praying.

If a girl say No on blah blah blah... she is just too bossy.

You think too much Read the bible, check the religious websites and asking a priest to help you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #5  September 16,2009, 3:53pm
Jacquesne's Avatar

knows the answer...42

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Reno, NV

Posts: 1,356

See profile

I suppose it depends on the reason and the extent for me. As D_Lion mentioned if it's a form of control or religious intolerance I probably wouldn't (and the lack of sex would have less to do with it than the incompatibility of values).

If it's a personal choice, or out of respect for the person she will eventually marry, that's different to me. Virginity holds a high value in many cultures and to many people and "saving" it for the one they plan to stay with for the rest of their life can be seen in a positive light as a symbol of that commitment.

That being said being in a relationship ups the hormone levels and can also really make a guy feel unwanted. My own desires aside the nagging doubt that she's not having sex with me because she isn't attracted to me or doesn't every plan on going anywhere with the relationship is hard to handle for long periods of time.

This topic is difficult for me because of my own perspective on it. I personally see a disconnect between modern society and the society in which the "no sex until marriage" idea was born. In older societies, even a little over a hundred years ago, marriage was early by today's standards. A girl's "Sweet Sixteen" was important because it symbolized her arrival into American adulthood, or marrying age (the Hispanic "Quince", or fifteenth, birthday party is basically the same thing). Likewise men tended to marry around their 18th birthday, or their arrival into "manhood," which is where we get our voting age, military age, etc. Older societies married even sooner, with women being marriageable basically as soon as their first period (early teens) and men typically around fourteen to sixteen.

This situation makes "no sex before marriage" a rather easy vow to keep. For men you're waiting at most about six years (from puberty to adulthood...more realistically it's only about four years) and for women two to four years from puberty before having sex. Keep this in mind.

In modern society, however, people often wait until their mid twenties to early thirties before marriage. Even people as old as twenty-one are often considered still "too young" to be tying the knot. This extends that four year maximum wait into ten to twenty years. Such a feat was virtually unheard of in pre-modern societies without a vow of celibacy (and that led to its own problems but I won't get into that).

I'm not saying it's impossible. It is, however, really hard. But that's just the way I see it.

For me it really comes down to this...does "no premarital sex" equate to "no premarital intimacy?" This is an important distinction to me. If I had to wait for intercourse I could probably do it (but I might be a bit grumpy ). If it means I'm going to have to deal with a girl giving me dirty looks every time we make out like I'm the bad guy I probably won't be able to put up with it for long. So I guess it heavily depends on her attitude about it. There doesn't have to be a home run but I'll probably want to get around the bases a little bit .

Short answer: I would date a woman who said "no" to premarital sex if the reasons and attitude are right. I respect self-control and self-respect. I don't respect prudish, judgmental, or manipulative people. There's a difference.

Jacquesne
 
  Reply With Quote
hogrally is offline hogrally Post #6  September 16,2009, 4:50pm
hogrally's Avatar

when it rain its pours.... menzzzz

Virtuoso

Joined: Sep 2008

East of Haines Junction

Posts: 4,948

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
Almost absolutely not, let's put it that way.

As I get older, I get less prioritized around sex, but there are a fair number of issues remaining:

I do not entertain religious conservative types, which seem to be most of the "waiting" women.

I do not accept attempts to use sex, the frequency or manner of sex, etc, as a device to manipulate me (Machiavellian games aren't a good strategy against me.)

I am sufficiently concerned about the quality of sex after marriage, that I doubt I would accept this condition.

I do not accept her "rules" as being more valid than mine, and since mine is to have sex soon, this is s stalemate.

I do respect a woman with regard for her safety and strategic choices, so long as she can defend them with data and logic, without inappropriately weighting certain variables.
Oink Oink Boink Boink
 
  Reply With Quote
The_right_way09 is offline The_right_way09 Post #7  September 16,2009, 4:52pm
The_right_way…'s Avatar

THE REAL MEASURE OF A MAN'S WEALTH IS WHAT HE HAS INVESTED IN ETERNITY.

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Boston

Posts: 17

See profile

Jacquesne,... I am utterly amazed at your ability to remain open minded and to analyze this thought so thoroughly. I think it is rare that a man under fourty is able to look at such an issue so open-mindedly. Your perspective is great.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  September 16,2009, 5:38pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

From my perspective I am thinking that the likelihood that I am going to be dating a virgin in my age group is a wee bit slim.

Let fantasize for a moment and suppose that there is such a person. I am thinking that there is not an arctic parka made that could stand up to that level of frigidity.

Now let me put the frivolity aside.

I don't believe in introducing sex into a relationship until it has reached the stage of exclusivity and a monogamous commitment, however long that is going to take. But at some point I do think that it would be wise to evaluate the sexual compatibility prior to the wedding night.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  September 16,2009, 6:01pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
From my perspective I am thinking that the likelihood that I am going to be dating a virgin in my age group is a wee bit slim.
Doesn't matter Gr8....some of them get the idea into their head that somehow they're becoming virgins again if they go without sex later in life.
 
  Reply With Quote
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #10  September 16,2009, 6:12pm
tbesq's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,536

See profile

I would entertain the idea if I really believed she was the one for me, and I recognized the potential for that during the very early stages of the relationship. Otherwise, no.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Defending Himself | Dating | When did silence become an acceptable answer? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date? JustSomeGuy12 Dating 158 October 15,2011 7:55am
No second date yet.......I feel so stupid. itsabeatutifulday Dating 36 April 16,2010 7:06pm
Men: Date Woman With More Money? beachgirl5 Dating 34 September 7,2009 7:03am
Men Want to Date an Easy Going Woman outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 1 May 27,2009 7:47pm
To Date or Not To Date 4ever29 Relationships 2 May 18,2009 8:50am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Ingy - I'm not sure what you're reading, but I've consistently said he was totally my type. Yes, I have said he wasn't a looker, but I have also said I was relatively certain I would warm to him ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“OP, do you have celiac disease? If not, I hate to burst your bubble but there's no health benefit to giving up gluten. Gluten is problematic only to people who have reactions to it, and you'd know ... ” –  jimmyh452

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“ Most folks don't want to see matches that don't fit within their preferences. I know I didn't. That's why they set their preferences! ” –  FairOne

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Yeah, this article was pretty disgusting. Not surprising how many women try to justify such tactics. The woman in the article clearly cares more about getting married than about who she marries. A ... ” –  jimmyh452

Join the “How to Get the Proposal You Want...Without Asking For It” discussion

“LOL....Yet another thread started by a "newbie" who is gone after one post just to rile up the community.....” –  Ingytravel

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“ I did try to follow a comic book series once. It was called Starfire and she had a costume change due to her outfit being caught on a nail. It was similar to something that people found ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Avengers” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:24am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0