Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #1  September 16,2009, 9:30am
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I have had 4 dates with a guy whom I met at eH. He is very well-mannered, quiet but pretty easy going. First date was a coffee chat, second and the last were 2-hour dinner on weekdays, and the third date was at a museum then a sport bar for a college football game (from 3:00 pm to 9:30 pm), nothing physical yet. Everything feels good (at least on my side), except that he has never asked any question about my first marriage (not even if I have any kids), neither has he asked to go exclusive. But he did say he liked me. Yesterday night after dinner, he said he wanted to show me his house this weekend and he let me pick the day and time.

I do not want to pressure any guy into a committed relationship, but at least I would like to know what he thinks about us. Should I ask him explicitly or his behaviors have already indicated that we are in a relationship? Also, if I meet up with another match, I am really not sure how he will feel about it.
 
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vinlukin is offline vinlukin Post #2  September 16,2009, 9:41am
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For me I only ask for that right before we get to the point of having sex. I also ask about any STD's. I get checked after every breakup, I only ask for the same in return.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #3  September 16,2009, 9:48am
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Maybe he didn't ask about your first marriage because 1) he doesn't know you were married or 2) he's not sure how you feel about it.

I'm sure for some people, divorces are a touchy subject. Personally, mines not touchy because it was my choice and I'm happier...BUT...he is now married to my cousin. So on holidays (like thanksgiving and christmas) I still see him. Granted, there is zero feelings for him (good or bad...it's just kinda empty)...but I'm sure when I do meet Mr. Right, holidays might be awkward for him.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #4  September 16,2009, 9:50am
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What is the rush? It maybe too soon for him to know. Why not enjoy the process and getting to know him. You've only been on 4 dates. Give it a month at least and give him enough time to decide.

I don't think women should ask for exclusivity. Require exclusivity before sex but not demand. Big difference.

If I were you, I'd wait until sex comes up. When it does you assert your needs (note: do not tell him how to be in your relationship but tell him what you *require* to be sexual). You *require* to be exclusive before you are sexual. Then see what he says.

In the meantime, *ENJOY*! I think women make the mistake of making the end relationship the goal instead of the process. Keep it fun instead of constantly thinking about the future.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  September 16,2009, 10:19am
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Personal opinion but I would say that at only four dates it is way too early to be getting into an exclusive relationship.

When you have been dating for a month or two and seeing each other two or more times a week then I would think that it was time to be having the exclusive talk. Remember you are not exclusive until after you have discussed being exclusive and you BOTH have agreed that is what you both want.

And to give some more personal opinion on some of the other's posts. I would not bring sex into the relationship until you were in an exclusive committed relationship.

Just my $.02 with my standard disclaimer that I don't know anything about anything.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  September 16,2009, 1:20pm
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Do you have any evidence he is not exclusive anyway, by default? Does he speak of seeing others, or of continuing to receive matches?
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #7  September 16,2009, 1:30pm
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It's too soon to ask to be exclusive. You're just getting to know the guy. Take your time and see how things go. Enjoy the getting -to know- you part. Don't complicate it by being so serious. Relax and enjoy.
 
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Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #8  September 16,2009, 4:41pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Do you have any evidence he is not exclusive anyway, by default? Does he speak of seeing others, or of continuing to receive matches?

No, I do not have any evidence of such. He actually has mentioned multiple times that he doesn't have much going on in his life other than his work. I am not sure how to interpret it.

I guess you guys are right. I should just enjoy the butterflies in my stomach
 
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richey is online now richey Post #9  October 2,2009, 7:27am
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Agreed.. way too soon. As well, its' not just a "time thing" but your dates really haven't progressed to a point where things have happened to suggest you're at an "exclusive" point yet either.

As far as not asking you about your past relationships ~ well, that's actually a good thing. I think generally talking in-depth about past relationships is sort of a taboo early in the dating process (which this is).

If you want to know what he thinks about you 2 ~ asking for exclusivity is not the only way to figure that out. A simple, "so what do you think? how are you liking us so far?" would work too. Also, probably not a good idea to bring up "exclusivity" if you're potentially interested in meeting another match.

So ya.. relax. Enjoy. Don't be in such a rush to put labels on and define everything so quickly. Enjoy, get to know each other. It is that process that makes the rest of this stuff answer itself as it becomes more and more obvious as time goes on.

Good luck!
Richey
 
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