When did silence become an acceptable answer?


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Bishop is offline Bishop Post #1  September 16,2009, 8:44am
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I have both a rant and a question. When did it become acceptable to just ignore someone instead of telling them that you don’t want to see them anymore? A recent eH match informed me that she doesn’t close any of the men whom she is not interested in because they might be nice people. I almost lost my mind. What kind of a favor does she think she is doing these guys by leaving them hanging? I heard another woman say that she isn’t going to tell a guy who keeps asking her out that she isn’t interested because it would hurt him. I could not believe this.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  September 16,2009, 9:00am

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I can't really defend it, because i agree with you, but some people are either too passive or afraid of confrontation. those people probably mean well but fail to realize that it's more hurtful to ignore or brush someone off with excuses. same reason that people say "it's not you, it's me" when they break up with you.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  September 16,2009, 9:11am
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While it would be nice if my matches who I have been communicating with or had a first date with that they are not interested in me, most all just poof. I don't think that it is that it has become acceptable it is just what people do.

When dealing with eHarmony matches most will do nothing because 90% are non-paying, non-active members. When I was on Match and Yahoo! Personals and did not receive a reply to my e-mail I assumed that they were also non-paying members on those sites.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #4  September 16,2009, 9:18am
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I would find this horribly annoying as well.

You are right, the right thing to do is to not let them hanging. It's actually more kind and considerate.

But see, everyone is at different levels with social behavior and morals. You are on a different level. You are more mature and have more awareness. Just another indication that individual was not right for you because you don't match them in awareness.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  September 16,2009, 9:23am

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Bishop wrote :
I have both a rant and a question. When did it become acceptable to just ignore someone instead of telling them that you don’t want to see them anymore? A recent eH match informed me that she doesn’t close any of the men whom she is not interested in because they might be nice people. I almost lost my mind. What kind of a favor does she think she is doing these guys by leaving them hanging? I heard another woman say that she isn’t going to tell a guy who keeps asking her out that she isn’t interested because it would hurt him. I could not believe this.

Now, I understand that men probably do this as well. So, let’s not debate that issue. I would just like to know, at what point did it become acceptable, and even standard practice, to ignore someone instead of telling them how you feel? How can we get this practice to stop? I rant and rave about this whenever it comes up. I would just like to know what other people have to say. Can anyone defend this practice?

BTW, if you tell someone once that you are not interested in communicating with them and they don’t get the message, that is their fault and you have done your due diligence.
Yes, there are a lot of people on this site that lack a social grace or good manners and also blame other people for their poor behavior in social situations because they can not accept responsibility for their actions, ditto with people that break up by txt. msg. You pick up your ball and jacks and find a new game!

Harvey7.
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #6  September 16,2009, 9:24am
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I have had many guys poof on me and it is not a good feeling. I would prefer as well if people just told me they were not interested. I hate when people do it to me, so I usually try to tell the person I am not interested if I am not.
 
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singleman4803 is offline singleman4803 Post #7  September 16,2009, 9:39am
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I've had women do this in relationships. Nothing gnaws at me more than someone who refuses to respond to me.

So I don't let it bother me. People like this you don't want to depend on, anyway. So never invest time or effort with such people as they will only aggravate you when they take their time or just ignore you.

Like I always say, when dating always have another women available or in pursuit. It's that much easier to move on and not get hung up with the ones that play games.

The last thing you want to do is question what she's thinking. Don't say "she hasn't called, maybe she's shy, maybe she really likes me, blah". Judge her by her actions alone. If she says she's not interested, stop thinking and move on. She won't respond to you? Move on.

There are too many women in this world to get hung up on any particular one.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #8  September 16,2009, 9:56am
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It's not acceptable. It is another confirmation of the loss of manners (hello Kanye West) and the wussification of America. When I was in Little League there were winners and losers, now everyone gets a trophy.

Adversity and competition make you stronger, teach you to adapt and overcome, and prepare you for the fact that not everything will always go your way. If you're never allowed to lose as a child, you won't understand how to respond to it as an adult.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #9  September 16,2009, 10:46am
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hazmat wrote :
It's not acceptable. It is another confirmation of the loss of manners (hello Kanye West) and the wussification of America. When I was in Little League there were winners and losers, now everyone gets a trophy.

Adversity and competition make you stronger, teach you to adapt and overcome, and prepare you for the fact that not everything will always go your way. If you're never allowed to lose as a child, you won't understand how to respond to it as an adult.
+1

This reminds me a lot of the schools where they literally will not let students fail. They won't give them Fs even if they fail. What does this teach them about life? Nothing real, that's for certain.

Silence is not an acceptable reaction and it never will be, but it sure is a convenient cop out, isn't it?
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #10  September 16,2009, 11:26am
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singleman4803 wrote :
Like I always say, when dating always have another women available or in pursuit. It's that much easier to move on and not get hung up with the ones that play games.
Wow...what do you do with the spare woman if the first is cooperative? Does she know she's the extra?

Not starting an argument, but this philosophy is what perpetuates the cycle.
 
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