A Summer Rollarcoaster Ride


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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #1  September 16,2009, 7:12am
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So I've come to realize the type of men I've attracted over the summer. Four men I've dated. One had good income, a job, dressed nice, seemed nice...used me and left. The other three either had 1) no car 2) lived in a trailor (which I have nothing against) or 3) no job. And those guys seemed more genuine then #1.

I have yet to date someone who is stable and a decent guy. The guy who wants to meet tonight has a form of autism (which I've never dealt with, so don't know how that'll go) no car, no job and supports himself with SSI. He's going to school and but I don't think it's for a career path. If anything, I'll make a new friend out of this.

But it really makes you take a look at yourself, realizeing the type of people you attract. Though overall, the ups and downs of the summer, it's more progress in dating then I've made in years.

Have you noticed you attract a certain type when it comes to dating?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  September 16,2009, 7:26am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I don't know if it's a matter of what type we attract. What you described may just be what the dating pool is made of. That might even be an accurate ratio of each type as well.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #3  September 16,2009, 7:31am
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jayjay wrote :
I don't know if it's a matter of what type we attract. What you described may just be what the dating pool is made of. That might even be an accurate ratio of each type as well.
I really hope that this isn't all that the dating pool consists of.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  September 16,2009, 7:53am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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islandrain80 wrote :
I really hope that this isn't all that the dating pool consists of.
Well....besides you and me.
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #5  September 16,2009, 7:55am
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Good thread! I feel your pain, hon. I hope it goes ok with the new guy, but just keep your eyes open. Didn't you say earlier he had a form of Asperger's ? I don't really understand much about the condition, but it seems as though that might make for a difficult relationship should something develop.

Well let's give a rundown of the guys I've dated over the summer:
1. Good job, self-absorbed, lots of money, very attractive. Didn't hear from him for nearly a month, then got two desperate phone calls from him while I was on another date. (the voicemail: "I'm in your town tonight, where are you?" )

2. Good job, self-absorbed, not as attractive. Disappeared for a few weeks right after it seemed we might get serious. Then popped up like nothing had happened. Had no clue why I was upset with him, asked me to go out with him that weekend, then flaked out the day of our supposed date, but it was no problem becuase I had a backup date with...

3. Good job, not quite as much money, short, but fit & sexy. A little bit redneck but very nice and NOT self-absorbed. Not a genius, but I always have fun with him and I am still seeing him occasionally. Somewhat self-absorbed. He did forget my birthday, though I did remind him this weekend.

4. Good job, attractive, Tall , very very much in common with me as far as interests etc. I would marry him tomorrow if he asked. But he's very flaky and inconsistent, and being going through a 'personal crisis' so I've pretty much written him off. He did call me in the middle of the night last night (12:30 am ) and left me a voicemail. Weird. And Self-absorbed.

5. Nice guy, recently laid off (but always pays when we go out and never acts like money is an issue), short. Madly in love with me. Treats me wonderfully, so of course I am not as attracted.

What have I learned from all this? I generally attract, and inexplicably attracted to, the self-absorbed. Sigh. However, the more time I spend with this nice guy, the more attracted I am to him.

Yes, I agree the dating pool is a shallow one. We should be careful when diving in head first.
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #6  September 16,2009, 8:08am
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I've done the jobless, dreamless, SSI dependent, mental illness guy. I don't ever want to go down that path again. Much more trouble then it's ever worth. That and I seriously lack the "Messiah Complex" required to take on such a person.

Yea, the dating pool may be full of these people (I'm sure it's not limited to just men). Fortunately they're also not all that's out there. I've been able to find a good man with a job who loves to make me happy. There's plenty more out there, you just have to wait for them. If you're lucky, they'll find you.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #7  September 16,2009, 8:12am
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Are you talking about the type of men you attract online, or IRL? I would only worry about it, if you see a displeasing pattern in real life. The rest may be sorted out with tweeking your profile or just plugging away till you find a keeper.

If it is IRL, it could mean you are only acting like your true attractive self with men who don't intimidate you because you aren't interested in them.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #8  September 16,2009, 8:14am
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Ms666 wrote :
4. Good job, attractive, Tall , very very much in common with me as far as interests etc. I would marry him tomorrow if he asked. But he's very flaky and inconsistent, and being going through a 'personal crisis' so I've pretty much written him off. He did call me in the middle of the night last night (12:30 am ) and left me a voicemail. Weird. And Self-absorbed.

The guy I might see tonight, called at 12am. What an odd time. Plus, I had to get up to work in 4hrs lol. Guess when he said "what's a good time to call" I should of been mores specific. But...he called...which is a step above the other guys.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #9  September 16,2009, 8:17am
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librarybabe wrote :
Are you talking about the type of men you attract online, or IRL? I would only worry about it, if you see a displeasing pattern in real life. The rest may be sorted out with tweeking your profile or just plugging away till you find a keeper.

If it is IRL, it could mean you are only acting like your true attractive self with men who don't intimidate you because you aren't interested in them.
Both. The ones I attract online I feel a bit more comfortable with because I can talk on IM and email, and get to know them a bit before meeting them in person. Being shy, a nice head-start is always good.
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #10  September 16,2009, 8:50am
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Maybe my guy #4 has some form of autism as well... He did admit to being ADD, which I am too; but I generally follow through on things when follow up is called for.
I've gotten more than one text from him in the absolute middle of the night. If I respond in the morning, I never get a reply. (Honestly, I suspect he has greater problems than the current illness in the family he's dealing with right now. I really do sense a little mental imbalance or even worse, a prescription drug problem. :cue sound effect of screeching tires: )
 
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