Has dating changed your idea of the effort warranted?


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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #1  September 15,2009, 5:50pm
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Melman wrote this and I wonder who else feels anything similar?
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clearlyoblique is offline clearlyoblique Post #2  September 15,2009, 5:57pm
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Warrants generally change my idea of dating.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  September 15,2009, 5:59pm
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God. Relationships are a risk! I dont get the fear of investing in it.

I try to look my best even when i am just going to meet someone for the first time. I dont go all out, but i want to look good. if someone looks like or talks like minimal effort it definitely puts me off. i'd rather they not meet me at all.

even when its not dating and i meet someone online and we eventually meet in person i am always excited about it. i think its fun to meet them, not a chore or an imposition
 
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melman is offline melman Post #4  September 15,2009, 6:02pm
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Let me sneak in the clarification from the other thread, that I am referring to eH meetings only. Which in reality are almost a blind date, arranged by Dr. eH and his minions, not by a mutual friend or relative. I am busy and I expect that my matches are too. If we wait until a time when when we are both suitably "prepared", it might take a week or two. But a meeting after work - where I don't have time to go home first and put on my puffy dating shirt first - that can usually be arranged with minimal fuss. This is not to show any disrespect toward anyone, or that I don't expect to have fun. I just don't make more out of it, than it is.
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #5  September 15,2009, 6:04pm
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I absolutely do not stress at all for a date. & yes... this may come off as uninterested if I am not aware of certain things. It can backfire.

I don't think of the money/effort of a date as being FOR HER. It is for me ...& her perhaps indirectly.

I also hope that her effort is for her & not FOR ME.

Hopefully, I will enjoy her & she me & the overall evening in general.
 
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clearlyoblique is offline clearlyoblique Post #6  September 15,2009, 6:05pm
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Dating doesn't change ideas of effort.

It takes effort to date but I don't idealize it.

I don't think it's warranted.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  September 15,2009, 6:09pm
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clearlyoblique wrote :
Warrants generally change my idea of dating.

How many have you accumulated?
 
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NikkiSixx is offline NikkiSixx Post #8  September 15,2009, 6:12pm
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If you're already going into something twith the mindset that what you're doing is simply not wrth the effort, I'm wondering why you're even bothering to show up at all.

This is like arriving at a job interview, wearing what you wore last night to bed and then wondering why no one's hiring.

If the women don't spark enough interest or enthusiasm on their own to get you revved up and looking forward to meeting and spending a couple of hours with them, do everybody a favor and just stop agreeing to meet. You don't waste anybody's time, and you appear less jaded.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  September 15,2009, 6:18pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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When I meet someone for the first time from the internet I now almost always meet for coffee/tea. I've learned through experience that the majority of the time I won't want to see them again and may not even want to spend very much time with the person. I don't consider these to be 'dates'....but rather 'first meetings'. A first 'date' would come after that if we both want to see each other again.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  September 15,2009, 6:18pm

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bigfincat wrote :
I absolutely do not stress at all for a date. & yes... this may come off as uninterested if I am not aware of certain things. It can backfire.

I don't think of the money/effort of a date as being FOR HER. It is for me ...& her perhaps indirectly.

I also hope that her effort is for her & not FOR ME.

Hopefully, I will enjoy her & she me & the overall evening in general.
I agree, it's fun for me ....it's not just for 'him' that I want to put in the effort.

But, this actually reminds me of a disagreement I had at work today. I think I am this way about all things. or most things. I'm a laid back person but I generally have pride in the things that I do....and I'm careful about my choices and actions.

In dating....If I'm going out with you, I've already decided your worth my time. I'm going to try to make a good impression even if I'm not sure of you -- because I generally want the other person to have a good time also and to like me, even if I'm not sure we are a match. We know that there are things we can do to make a person feel good around us....playing to the bare minimum generally doesn't make people feel good....and going into something thinking 'I can get out of this as easily as possible' is evident to both involved.


(I realize this message probably makes no sense and will revise at a later date when clarity hits me)
 
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