where would you like to meet?


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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #1  September 15,2009, 3:22pm

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It seems to me that, typically, my eh matches tend to want to drive to my area for a first date.

It seems a disproportionate number of matches of late (Who are mostly from match) ask me out, and then proceed to suggest places that are much closer to their location than mine. And I'm not talking about 5 miles....in one case a guy suggested we meet at a starbucks that was like 40 miles for me and probably 5 or less for him (I actually decided not to go -- based on this). Another first date was about 50 for me (that one I went to and we actually started dating, but took mental note of that...)

and a few guys will ask where I work and suggest something close to there. Others will just suggest something close to where they live (which is usually about 20-30 miles from where I live). Which, if I go after work is not a big deal, but that brings me to point (b) of my question.

(b) It also seemed that on eh, most of my matches would suggest first a Friday or Saturday night date...an actual date or a meeting for drinks on a night where I would have more time to leisurley prepare...you know, possibly drive home from work and change and what not.

This, lets grab a drink after work thing...well, it makes me feel a bit devalued. I understand we have never met but it makes me feel like it's just another interview....and the guy has had bad experiences and doesn't want to put too much effort into me at first...which doesn't give me a lot to look forward to really, except a rushed meeting after work with a guy that is already suspicious of me or who is somewhat expecting things to not work out.

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oh, and I don't date guys at all that in any way signal they are looking for something casual or a quick fling. These are the same kinds of guys I would date from eh.... I think maybe they have just come to do things differently and may not even be thinking about it. But it just does seem a bit odd to suggest that a woman should drive miles upon miles for a first date, especially when it seems to be more of just a 'quick first meeting'
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #2  September 15,2009, 3:31pm
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Hmmmm, interesting situation cp30.

Meeting after work during the week for a drink is a suggestion I encounter frequently, although I'm generally not thrilled about it either.

But I think it's odd for a guy to suggest you drive more for a first date and/or meet, unless your work is near where he lives. I'd see that as a red flag that he's not willing to compromise or accommodate.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #3  September 15,2009, 3:41pm

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lacedwithhope wrote :
Hmmmm, interesting situation cp30.

Meeting after work during the week for a drink is a suggestion I encounter frequently, although I'm generally not thrilled about it either.

But I think it's odd for a guy to suggest you drive more for a first date and/or meet, unless your work is near where he lives. I'd see that as a red flag that he's not willing to compromise or accommodate.

I tend to agree. But I can honestly say I think these guys were totally clueless, especially the one I started dating....as he seemed shocked about my reaction to it when I told him about it much later on!

typically, I do work closer to where most of my matches live, but not always.

It's not like it's a big deal, even on a weekend night -- at the most 30 miles on an interstate.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  September 15,2009, 3:42pm
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I always picked restaurants close to where I live, because I always meet at places I am familiar with. Personally, I only considered matches within about 20 road miles, so relative distance didn’t become a factor. One thing these men may be thinking of is that they plan to have a few drinks and are concerned about the length of drive.
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #5  September 15,2009, 3:43pm
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Sounds like they don't want to put too much effort in & are just going through the motions. Not a good way to make an impression at all.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #6  September 15,2009, 3:45pm

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but dlion....if a match contacts me, knowing my town is 20-30 miles away....does responding make me responsible for that choice he made to contact me?!

I think guys do like to pick a place they are more familiar with.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #7  September 15,2009, 3:46pm

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bigfincat wrote :
Sounds like they don't want to put too much effort in & are just going through the motions. Not a good way to make an impression at all.
especially if it's a freaking Starbucks... I mean come on. I'm not driving 40 miles to meet you at a Starbucks when there are at least 20 inbetween that would have been more equitable! I dropped that guy pretty quick....maybe he thought because he was a Dr. I would fall at his feet, or his time was more important?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  September 15,2009, 3:46pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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If a woman lives some distance from me I always suggest a first meeting place that is close to where she lives. I'll drive 30 miles or whatever to that location. It just seems courteous. As far as the day of the week....for a first meeting I generally do a weekday evening or during the day on a weekend and it's only for coffee or maybe a drink (they usually prefer the coffee). I'm sorry, but Friday and Saturday nights are reserved for actual dates, not just first meetings. I'm not going to tie up a whole date night with just a first meeting that lasts an hour (or maybe even less if we don't hit it off).
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  September 15,2009, 3:49pm
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lacedwithhope wrote :
But I think it's odd for a guy to suggest you drive more for a first date and/or meet, unless your work is near where he lives. I'd see that as a red flag that he's not willing to compromise or accommodate.

Which brings us to the right way to deal: I think you are fine if you were to take some initiative and counter his suggestion with one of your own. “Can we go to [name of well-regarded restaurant at around middle distance] instead? I’ve been looking for an opportunity. I know it’s costly, but I am happy to split it.”
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  September 15,2009, 3:49pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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cp30 wrote :
especially if it's a freaking Starbucks... I mean come on. I'm not driving 40 miles to meet you at a Starbucks when there are at least 20 inbetween that would have been more equitable! I dropped that guy pretty quick....maybe he thought because he was a Dr. I would fall at his feet, or his time was more important?
When men ask you to drive 40 miles to meet just a few miles from where they live or work I do think it's likely that they don't have any kind of serious interest in you. It seems sort of the equivalent of sending out an initial mass email that gets sent to a large number of women. Them not wanting to invest enough to drive a distance seems like continuing this low investment game.
 
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