Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 6 of 6 « First 4 5 6
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,276

See profile

librarybabe wrote :
I think that is a crucial part of building lasting commitment - not rushing into long term commitment until you are sure that you are willing and able to stick with them through thick & thin, and then sticking to that decision come what may (with the exceptions you described).
For me there are varying degrees of 'being willing to stick with them through thick and thin'. The only time it becomes being completely willing to stick is when married. Before that the willingness to stick is probably increasing over time up to that point. Even at these earlier stages I'd still consider myself to be in a committed relationship....even if it isn't 'as' committed at what I would be in a marriage.
- September 16th, 2009, 09:31 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#51   Reply With Quote
Allie_gator Allie_gator is offline
Allie_gator's Avatar

Allie_gator Nom nom nom nom

Newbie

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 35

See profile

gothustartus wrote :
The way i think of commitment is exclusivity, planning for the future, being there for each other with mutual support and encouragement, keeping the relationship alive and not letting it stagnate...
All pretty standard stuff i suppose, my only real problem with it is when i'm with someone who thinks you're not committed if you're not mentioning it every five minutes. or knuckling under in every disagreement because if i was really committed i'd swallow any rubbish that's put in front of me for the sake of the relationship.
It sounds more like that person may have not been secured in the relationship, perhaps making them question your sincerity to the relationship. I think some women, not all, like their mates to make them feel secure in that relationship. Some need more security than others. Than again, perhaps that person was insecure in herself. Some women are like that and may need that verification, that reassurance that the relationship is solid. As for mentioning every five minutes, well, that's a bit too much.

A committed relationship to me, well is to feel secure in that relationship. Secure as in knowing that I trust that person not to cheat on me. To have honesty and great communication between each other through the good and the bad. Trust is very important. Some people may need to be with that person 24/7, but others, like myself I enjoy my space. I think trust, honesty, communication is only the beginning to any relationship. Committed, for me is when u know u don't want to be with anyone else but that person. When that happens? I think it is different for all of us.
- September 16th, 2009, 09:55 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#52   Reply With Quote
librarybabe librarybabe is offline
librarybabe's Avatar

librarybabe wird mit sehnsuechtige Liebe ueberwaeltigt!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 571

See profile

bigfincat wrote :
The one thing that differentiates your way of thinking from mine is that I have an additional stage.

I would use a year as a benchmark for love.

I will be committed but would have to live with her for quite a while before marriage comes into mind.

I still have much more to learn about her & us.

I had a 3 1/2 year relationship where we both would have said yes to marriage after 3 years & NO after 3 1/2.

I kind of like the 3 years before engagement timeline. That is not set in stone by any stretch especially as age may or may not be a factor.
The thing that comes to my mind with this additional qualification for the level of commitment in which you would consider marriage, is that the qualification itself (living together) may defeat the likelihood of reaching that level of commitment where you would marry. We all can be difficult to live with. A lot more compromises and adjustments have to happen in a relationship in order to be able to live together, as you well know. I wonder if it is too much of a strain on a lower level of commitment to expect people to put up with all that extra work that living with someone else requires?

Just to use you as example, if the first three years you both would have said yes to marriage, but the last 6 months put the kibosh on the deal, it makes me wonder if you had been married, if you would have mutually decided to tough it out and keep working on the relationship, even though neither of you were happy during that period. I don't know the circumstances or you & your girlfriend's personalities, I'm just using your situation as a hypothetical question.

Obviously, for people who look at marriage as a "let's give this a try and see if it works" proposition, then living together isn't really a different level of commitment than living together. But for those of us who mean "to death do us part" I wonder if living together first can really bring the results we are hoping for.
- September 18th, 2009, 08:12 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#53   Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 6 of 6 « First 4 5 6

Bookmarks

« I'm 20 and have never dated before, what's there to know? | Array | A Summer Rollarcoaster Ride »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Survey: First Open Communication MommyGetCoffee Using eHarmony 11 January 3rd, 2010 11:45 am
Sex survey for Men librarybabe Dating 126 December 13th, 2009 06:30 pm
have you received the latest survey pussinboots Using eHarmony 3 July 18th, 2009 08:36 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Email, call...etc same difference. She contacted you....(even when you did not contact her). Most people are not that friendly when it comes to activity group. Once you're gone, you're ... ” – PY_2

Join the “Met this girl at an activity group and confused once again.” discussion

“Sounds like a great guy. NEXT!!!” – MQRegan

Join the “The F*Bomb!! On a FIRST Date? Are we Cool like that!!” discussion

“This is not normal...please run...run fast.” – ami1uwant

Join the “is it normal? or traditional american culture?” discussion

“Moral of this sad tale: When it comes to FB and the person you're dating, neither a friender nor friendee be! I just made the idiotic mistake of accepting a friend request from a woman I've just ... ” – cp30

Join the “Female Facebook Friends. Need Advice.” discussion

“Yep, that message scolding me would make me lose interest, if I hadn't already, in someone I had only known a month... especially when I was putting in a lot of time at work, having to travel, and ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “Did I screw it up? Am I asking for too much?” discussion

“Giftwrap yourself in a bow tie lol. Just give him a card....just tell him you've been enjoying the time you've spent together, etc and hope to continue to get to know each other better (wink ... ” – PY_2

Join the “Should I get him a gift???” discussion

“height and body build/muscle structure... really strong jaw line... adamsapple must stick out.... smile and face(mainly eyes)... big hands are a plus...” – jsgj1

Join the “Physically, what's the first thing u notice on a man/woman?” discussion

“The ball is in who's court today? I never liked this analogy because on a real basketball court you play on a team with a coach calling out plays and there is structure in the form of rules LOL. ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “Why is he still talking to me?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:39 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0