D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #31  September 15,2009, 3:11pm
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Jumping in having only read the OP so far ...

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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #32  September 15,2009, 3:16pm

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D_Lion wrote :

I have a hard time with the idea that “forever” is a decision made once: I prefer to think of it as a decision one must keep making.
Alone or with someone?
 
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Ciao_eh is offline Ciao_eh Post #33  September 15,2009, 3:22pm
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Hmmm... thus far there is an assumption of committment being equal on both sides of a relationship and certainly that is ideal. I think conflicts and relationship issues come up often due to an imbalance in views on, need for, and levels of commitment.

I have also found it can be one party is committed for the long term and the other is perhaps only committed to exploring whether he/she feels the same way. This imbalance in commitment levels only works if one side is not pressuring the other side to sign on for the long term when the other one is not ready. It takes a strong, centered person to declare commitment without any pressure on the other one to join in. It also takes clear, honest and deep communication to make this work toward unfolding.

Perhaps one could think of it as saying "I love you" with no expectation of it being returned immediately or, even perhaps, ever. The words stand on their own, without pressure. Rare I know, but it is most assuredly possible.

Nuff rambling here
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #34  September 15,2009, 3:33pm
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Ciao_eh wrote :
Hmmm... thus far there is an assumption of committment being equal on both sides of a relationship and certainly that is ideal. I think conflicts and relationship issues come up often due to an imbalance in views on, need for, and levels of commitment.

I have also found it can be one party is committed for the long term and the other is perhaps only committed to exploring whether he/she feels the same way. This imbalance in commitment levels only works if one side is not pressuring the other side to sign on for the long term when the other one is not ready. It takes a strong, centered person to declare commitment without any pressure on the other one to join in. It also takes clear, honest and deep communication to make this work toward unfolding.

Perhaps one could think of it as saying "I love you" with no expectation of it being returned immediately or, even perhaps, ever. The words stand on their own, without pressure. Rare I know, but it is most assuredly possible.

Nuff rambling here
It really does seem the real issue in relationships is not our definition of commitment but the level of commitment. You've said a mouthful here. Thanks for sharing.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #35  September 15,2009, 3:36pm
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jayjay wrote :
Because nobody lives forever. The relationship will hopefully last for the rest of your lives, but it won't last literally 'forever'. I think people like to think and talk about relationships being forever it feels more romantic.
Ohhhh. I am relieved that you are just fatalistic, not depressed about your prospects of finding a committed relationship. Ok. I don't have to give you a pep talk to convince you we don't all die. I'm not THAT foolishly idealistic!
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #36  September 15,2009, 3:45pm
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My commitment is to God, to myself (my happiness and well-being), to my partner, and to our relationship and to meeting my own real needs and my partner's and to giving to the relationship what it needs. It is in a committed relationship where we give and receive what we most need, which is healing. It is "that" that I am most committed to.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #37  September 15,2009, 3:55pm
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[quote=D_Lion;741009][COLOR=black]
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #38  September 15,2009, 5:16pm
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Committment = the ring
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #39  September 15,2009, 5:43pm
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This is a question I've struggled with for decades. I committed to a relationship that dwindled and died long before I recognized that it would never improve. After thirty years, I had to accept that neither of us was able to change and that we'd each be happier apart.

Now, I find myself second-guessing every step in my new relationship, and unsure if I am being recklessly over-optimistic to be thinking marriage (or too cynical and cautious in my reservations).

So far, I tend to agree with what most of the male posters have said. At this point, I'm not looking for a "forever" commitment; I'll settle for "good enough for now."
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #40  September 15,2009, 5:43pm
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Ciao_eh wrote :
Hmmm... thus far there is an assumption of committment being equal on both sides of a relationship and certainly that is ideal. I think conflicts and relationship issues come up often due to an imbalance in views on, need for, and levels of commitment.

I have also found it can be one party is committed for the long term and the other is perhaps only committed to exploring whether he/she feels the same way. This imbalance in commitment levels only works if one side is not pressuring the other side to sign on for the long term when the other one is not ready. It takes a strong, centered person to declare commitment without any pressure on the other one to join in. It also takes clear, honest and deep communication to make this work toward unfolding.

Perhaps one could think of it as saying "I love you" with no expectation of it being returned immediately or, even perhaps, ever. The words stand on their own, without pressure. Rare I know, but it is most assuredly possible.

Nuff rambling here

I really like this line of reasoning and am also going to take some time to think about this. Thanks for sharing, Ciao_eh!
 
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