jayjay is offline jayjay Post #21  September 15,2009, 2:08pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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LizziePooh wrote :
Is it just me or are the definitions of commitment pretty similar between posters?? Maybe a better question is at what level of commitment does it mean forever??

(And do you even want forever??)
OK...this is where we start to diverge. I hate to break it to you....but you're not going to live forever. lol. But on a slightly more serious note, thinking this way regarding relationships being 'forever' is more on the romantic, rather than the realistic side. You know me....Mr. Cynic.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #22  September 15,2009, 2:09pm

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librarybabe wrote :
That's what I noticed, so far. Ok, Lizzie, I'll add it to the OP & then you can answer. Of course, not many are answering the other part of the question, what qualities in a mate they are looking that would inspire them to become committed. (Wait that didn't sound right.) Maybe that is too much like an Eharmony question to want to touch.
I'll re-read and see if I can come up with an answer for you. It will give me something to ponder while I get some stuff done today.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #23  September 15,2009, 2:10pm
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cardguy wrote :
Well, just speaking generally commitment has a whole range of levels, from "I will be there at 7 for dinner" to "I will pursue an exclusive relationship with you" to "I will spend the rest of my life with you through thick and thin". Different levels of commitment are appropriate to different stages of a relationship, but I don't think commitment is a switch that you suddenly flip from off to on overnight.

In the sense of the phrase "a committed relationship", I'd say it means something a little more than just exclusive dating, but I'd be hard-pressed to quantify it exactly.
Cardguy, you deserve partial credit with Lizzie for the change of the survey. Levels of commitment are something that not everyone recognizes when considering whether their partner is committed to the relationship or not.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #24  September 15,2009, 2:21pm
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jayjay wrote :
OK...this is where we start to diverge. I hate to break it to you....but you're not going to live forever. lol. But on a slightly more serious note, thinking this way regarding relationships being 'forever' is more on the romantic, rather than the realistic side. You know me....Mr. Cynic.
Well, if you define a relationship as personal feelings of warmth and happiness towards another person then you're right....emotions wax and wane, and while there will be more ups than downs in a good relationship, I don't know of any couple (not matter how long together) that has moved beyond downs. If a relationship is the commitment not to walk away during those downs but instead work through them, then yes I know that relationships can last to death, I've seen it myself. Love that lasts is based on doing, not feeling.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #25  September 15,2009, 2:25pm
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jayjay wrote :
OK...this is where we start to diverge. I hate to break it to you....but you're not going to live forever. lol. But on a slightly more serious note, thinking this way regarding relationships being 'forever' is more on the romantic, rather than the realistic side. You know me....Mr. Cynic.
Why? Because of those nasty divorce statistics or because even with happily married people one outlives the other? (unless they die in a car accident or similar.)

Was it you or someone else who posted somewhere on here a quote that a cynic is just a disillusioned optimist?

“A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.” Sydney J. Harris quotes

“There is nothing so pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.” Maya Angelou quotes

I am not sure how I define commitment. But I think optimism & hope are important ingredients in building it. - you can call me a Ms. Foolish Idealist who will learn better eventually. But I prefer to hope that I won't.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #26  September 15,2009, 2:31pm
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pds857 wrote :
To me commitment is a mutual understanding between 2 people, that we will stay loyal, we will not cheat, we will work through the hard times as well as we can, and in the end, if we dont want to be commited to this person, we will speak up, an take the appropriate actions there after. (whatever those actions may be)

To me commitment is where I give myself, all of myself to a relationship. Commitment to me is basically engagment or marriage, anything up to that is what it is.
Maybe at a certain level of commitment I could still agree with your definition. Speaking up and being honest rather than leading someone on is the decent thing to do. But once you go as far as marriage, if you are still allowing yourselves the out of "I don't want to be committed anymore" then I don't think I would consider it a committed relationship.
 
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pds857 is offline pds857 Post #27  September 15,2009, 2:33pm
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librarybabe wrote :
What would it look like to you? And what would you have to see in the opposite sex in order to be willing to commit to them (other than of course being gorgeous.)?

Lizzie's added question: At what level of commitment does it mean forever?
I didnt answer all the questions lol

Whats commitment look like to me? ... A happy balanced relationship with plenty of give an take.

What would I have to see an the opposite sex to be willing to commit to them? ... Nothing, Love is blind, an trust knows no limits. (corny I know) But really, the type of total commitment I want envolves a wedding band lol All the rest is jus what it is. I'll refur back to what gr8tguyn2008 said with that big word an all.

'forever' per se for me is from wedding vows on till my or his demise, which may or may not be untimely depending on the happiness level of the marriage jk kinda
 
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pds857 is offline pds857 Post #28  September 15,2009, 2:38pm
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librarybabe wrote :
Maybe at a certain level of commitment I could still agree with your definition. Speaking up and being honest rather than leading someone on is the decent thing to do. But once you go as far as marriage, if you are still allowing yourselves the out of "I don't want to be committed anymore" then I don't think I would consider it a committed relationship.
Ah but thats not what I ment, appropriate actions for me would be, talkin it out, getting help in the marriage and comprimising (however thats spelt)
I dont believe in divorce for Myself. An if a marriage ended that way
I'd feel terrible.
Now if he cheats on the other hand ... there are worse things than divorce ... right? lol
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #29  September 15,2009, 2:41pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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librarybabe wrote :
Why? Because of those nasty divorce statistics or because even with happily married people one outlives the other? (unless they die in a car accident or similar.)
Because nobody lives forever. The relationship will hopefully last for the rest of your lives, but it won't last literally 'forever'. I think people like to think and talk about relationships being forever it feels more romantic.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #30  September 15,2009, 3:04pm

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librarybabe wrote :
It was brought up in another thread that men and women may define commitment in a relationship differently.

So how would you define commitment? What would it look like to you? And what would you have to see in the opposite sex in order to be willing to commit to them (other than of course being gorgeous.)?

Lizzie's added question: At what level of commitment does it mean forever?
So how would you define commitment? What would it look like to you? Commitment is making a commitment to each other, to the marriage, to the family. What does it look like? It looks like my dad making us Mexican hats for breakfasts and us kids would be completely ecstatic (or so they say...I was too young to remember). We had no clue that a Mexican hat is just fried bologna and that is all that was in the fridge until payday. We just knew that my dad would put on a sambrero, sing and cook us up some yummy Mexican Hats. But that is what it is. It is making a commitment to something bigger than you or bigger than your spouse, it is an idea that is only as valued as the people that value it.


And what would you have to see in the opposite sex in order to be willing to commit to them? That is easy...respect. I have to have that. I have to be able to respect the man, admire him even, be proud of him and proud that I get to know him. That has got to be there.


For me forever, that is what I want. I don't know if I actually want to go through the process of getting there (lol!) but that is where I want to be going the next time my heart is involved.
 
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