How to use "that question" to the blokes’ advantage.


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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #1  September 14,2009, 6:30am
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Or an alternative topic of discussion aside form, so where do you work, ages of children, favourite book, etc.

Question from guy to date.” So when was last time you had an STD test?”

I feel the answer to the above questions says something about ones' attitude to sex. And can even confound the situation. For your date it won’t be an unexpected question. This is even if they've thought little about such or have conservative views on sex. In fact women will be relieved you ask such a question. They've assumed you wanted to have sex with them, so you've saved them needing to bring up the subject. In fact they'll likely be so relieved that they won't have notice you've turned the question from your attitudes and toward them.

Oh you're best to have sought such a test yourself within past 3 months (more on that later)

Now if answer is not at all or more than 6 months, we can suppose the respondent is unlikely to be currently sexually active, or have other issues that need to be explored (skip this for now).

Guy’s retort

“I imagine that you’ve not been particularly sexually active of late.” (you are confirm what you suspect – their body language will likely ensure you’re assumption is correct) “No issue. Many folk prefer sex within committed relationship, and lifes' hurly-burly doesn't have pursing such a priority. (show empathy)

"However, for me I last sought a test "x" weeks ago." (disclosure)

Note; you're not claiming to have had sex of late, and you should refuse to answer such a question. This is in deference to privacy of any other person. You might deflect challenge but observing you wouldn’t tell anyone else if for sake o argument you had sex with your date. )
Regardless, your date will a) assume you've sexually active (why else might one seek such test b) you're considerate to any sexual partner re: their health c) you're open/honest.

Further discussion, eg, offer.

" I' m sure I'm far from alone in liking sex. My choice; no one else’s' - certainly not suggesting its yours. Only you are responsible if you have sex or not."

Ie, you've no expectation they have sex with you except if they want to (sub text; you don't need a sexually relationship with then; merely open to such. This true whether you believe it or not, as it is most unlikely you're so hideous that no one else will have sex with you. Think on this; you're being honest. You might have had sex with others recently. And no one else can disprove this.

Further remarks.

"I'm not that interested in any long term relationship with someone who doesn't like sex for its own sake.” What you getting to is don’t accept sex as something to be traded. Ie, not something that someone prefers with a committed relationship, but something to use to acquire a committed relationship. BIG DIFFRENCE! DANEROURUS ATTITUDE! You've at least challenged your date a) to state open they like sex too (who would not agree) and b) they don't see sex as something to be traded. This has actually subtly shifted ground to any negotiation about sex only being about sex, and nothing else.

You might offer any clarification, but best to leave issue open, and for your date to fill in what they feel. You given them liberty to express themselves without such being linked to any question of sex with you. If they do not express themselves you’ve learnt some important things about your date that you well to have learnt now rather than later. Mostly, if they don’t talk you well advised not to date them again. They’ll most likely be poisonous any relationship.

Now to focus matters on you; your expectations.
“I feel anyone who hasn't been sexually active would not be compatible with me in a longer term commitment.”
You’re challenging them. While their values are appropriate to them; you have different values.

At this point they may well comprehend what you’ve said, and possibly end date. Good! You wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them. In fact they would have ended it shortly anyway. But more likely they seek to explain their position (the focus is on them now, not you that it was a moment before). Oh, their values are certainly valid, it is just that you made the draw them clearly for you. They cannot retreat or change them. To reinforce the awkward position you led them to (which is you don’t care if you have sex with them – when they felt you did, it gave them strength in the relationship/control)

Next twist.

“It’s who you are. I wouldn’t want you to compromise your values! You made your decision. I wouldn't want you to change for me or anyone.”

Alternative.

I’m always happy to have sex with pretty/charming women. I'd imagine you'd be great in "the sack." (falterery) But only if that’s what you want. I somehow doubt that is what you really want. And you’re are not responsible if I have sex, any more than I you).

“I like you. Like to keep being friends. No other expectation.”

Continue circle. If you were interested in sex, you'd have sex. I'm not so special or unique that you should make an exception. You can't change what you've chosen over previous months.

How do you imagine this scenario finally plays out?
Last edited by Fleuellen; September 14,2009 at 6:32am.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  September 14,2009, 8:00am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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This post was written, produced, directed and starred in by Fluellen. ; )
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #3  September 14,2009, 11:33am
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Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

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Is there really something you may be trying to say in this post??
Must be that tiny print again.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  September 14,2009, 11:49am
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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Fleuellen wrote :
..... And can even confound the situation.
OK...I'm confounded.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #5  September 14,2009, 11:51am

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

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tweet37 wrote :
OK...I'm confounded.
I didn't know Lord Voldemort was a member here.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #6  September 14,2009, 1:03pm
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really wants a double dissolution in 2011!

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Fleuellen wrote :
**snipped**
How do you imagine this scenario finally plays out?
With me shooting through, due to believing he is a total fruit cake.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #7  September 14,2009, 1:12pm
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meri75 wrote :
Fleuellen wrote :
**snipped**
How do you imagine this scenario finally plays out?

With me shooting through, due to believing he is a total fruit cake.
You snipped Fleuellen?

That's certainly not going to play out well!
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #8  September 14,2009, 1:20pm
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Fleuellen wrote :
...How do you imagine this scenario finally plays out?
i'm thinking you don't get many second dates.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #9  September 14,2009, 2:23pm
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"i'm thinking you don't get many second dates."

Yes, you would think. I don't get it myself. I put is down to folk getting boared with playing 20-questions on dates, and having something they had been thinking about to discuss.

And "fruit cake" Probabaly. Just so long as I'm not dull!

"You snipped Fleuellen?"

I have 3 strapping sons. You bettcha. That makes for another amusing conversation.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  September 14,2009, 2:46pm
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Fleuellen wrote :
Or an alternative topic of discussion aside form, so where do you work, ages of children, favourite book, etc.

Question from guy to date.” So when was last time you had an STD test?”

I feel the answer to the above questions says something about ones' attitude to sex. And can even confound the situation. For your date it won’t be an unexpected question. This is even if they've thought little about such or have conservative views on sex. In fact women will be relieved you ask such a question. They've assumed you wanted to have sex with them, so you've saved them needing to bring up the subject. In fact they'll likely be so relieved that they won't have notice you've turned the question from your attitudes and toward them.

Oh you're best to have sought such a test yourself within past 3 months (more on that later)

Now if answer is not at all or more than 6 months, we can suppose the respondent is unlikely to be currently sexually active, or have other issues that need to be explored (skip this for now).

Guy’s retort

“I imagine that you’ve not been particularly sexually active of late.” (you are confirm what you suspect – their body language will likely ensure you’re assumption is correct) “No issue. Many folk prefer sex within committed relationship, and lifes' hurly-burly doesn't have pursing such a priority. (show empathy)

"However, for me I last sought a test "x" weeks ago." (disclosure)

Note; you're not claiming to have had sex of late, and you should refuse to answer such a question. This is in deference to privacy of any other person. You might deflect challenge but observing you wouldn’t tell anyone else if for sake o argument you had sex with your date. )
Regardless, your date will a) assume you've sexually active (why else might one seek such test b) you're considerate to any sexual partner re: their health c) you're open/honest.

Further discussion, eg, offer.

" I' m sure I'm far from alone in liking sex. My choice; no one else’s' - certainly not suggesting its yours. Only you are responsible if you have sex or not."

Ie, you've no expectation they have sex with you except if they want to (sub text; you don't need a sexually relationship with then; merely open to such. This true whether you believe it or not, as it is most unlikely you're so hideous that no one else will have sex with you. Think on this; you're being honest. You might have had sex with others recently. And no one else can disprove this.

Further remarks.

"I'm not that interested in any long term relationship with someone who doesn't like sex for its own sake.” What you getting to is don’t accept sex as something to be traded. Ie, not something that someone prefers with a committed relationship, but something to use to acquire a committed relationship. BIG DIFFRENCE! DANEROURUS ATTITUDE! You've at least challenged your date a) to state open they like sex too (who would not agree) and b) they don't see sex as something to be traded. This has actually subtly shifted ground to any negotiation about sex only being about sex, and nothing else.

You might offer any clarification, but best to leave issue open, and for your date to fill in what they feel. You given them liberty to express themselves without such being linked to any question of sex with you. If they do not express themselves you’ve learnt some important things about your date that you well to have learnt now rather than later. Mostly, if they don’t talk you well advised not to date them again. They’ll most likely be poisonous any relationship.

Now to focus matters on you; your expectations.
“I feel anyone who hasn't been sexually active would not be compatible with me in a longer term commitment.”
You’re challenging them. While their values are appropriate to them; you have different values.

At this point they may well comprehend what you’ve said, and possibly end date. Good! You wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them. In fact they would have ended it shortly anyway. But more likely they seek to explain their position (the focus is on them now, not you that it was a moment before). Oh, their values are certainly valid, it is just that you made the draw them clearly for you. They cannot retreat or change them. To reinforce the awkward position you led them to (which is you don’t care if you have sex with them – when they felt you did, it gave them strength in the relationship/control)

Next twist.

“It’s who you are. I wouldn’t want you to compromise your values! You made your decision. I wouldn't want you to change for me or anyone.”

Alternative.

I’m always happy to have sex with pretty/charming women. I'd imagine you'd be great in "the sack." (falterery) But only if that’s what you want. I somehow doubt that is what you really want. And you’re are not responsible if I have sex, any more than I you).

“I like you. Like to keep being friends. No other expectation.”

Continue circle. If you were interested in sex, you'd have sex. I'm not so special or unique that you should make an exception. You can't change what you've chosen over previous months.

How do you imagine this scenario finally plays out?
I can see why you have so much free time on your hands.
 
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