Rainydame is offline Rainydame Post #1  September 13,2009, 2:19pm
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at all after our first meeting. I feel horrible because he sent me an email already about how much fun he had and can't wait to see me again. For me there was absolutely no chemistry. How do I let him down easy? I really don't want to hurt his feelings but I need to be honest.......maybe I'm not cut out for this it almost makes me sick to think of hurting him
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 13,2009, 2:26pm
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Enough women have posted versions of “at first I was not attracted, but I liked his personality, and now I like how he looks” that you may want to at least think about what your issue is, and if it is possible you’d change your mind.
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sunseeker1973 is offline sunseeker1973 Post #3  September 13,2009, 2:33pm
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I agree....sometimes you have to give people a second meeting (especially if you are basing your attraction on purely physical characteristics. However, if it is character traits you are not attracted to, then let him know as soon as possible that you don't feel the chemistry is there. Send an email or call him. (do not just close the match) I know it's hard, but it's the right thing to do.
 
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Rainydame is offline Rainydame Post #4  September 13,2009, 2:44pm
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For me it was more his personality. 30yrs old, still lives with his mom, isn't settled with his life or job. I have 3 kids and I am pretty settled and secure in my life and I know that's on the top of my list as to what I am looking for. I feel bad but I would never just close the match, that would make me feel even worse....I guess it's not supposed to be easy.
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #5  September 13,2009, 2:53pm
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You need to have thick skin in this game. You can't pretend, just tell him as nicely as possible.

To avoid this screen better. Didn't you know he lived with mom?
 
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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #6  September 13,2009, 3:41pm
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This is the peril of online dating. Spending time emailing, texting, IM'ing, and even phone-calling, does not take the place of the F2F meeting. Which is why, now, I really prefer meeting as soon as possible.

You need to send him a polite email at once. Thank him so much for his time, wish him the very best in his search, but let him know (gently) that you just do not believe this to be a match for you at this time.

I'm certain that he will write you back and thank you for your honesty, and for your time.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #7  September 13,2009, 3:54pm
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At least he'll have his Mom there when he gets the bad news
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #8  September 13,2009, 4:17pm
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Tell him you just do not feel that spark. It is nothing personal, and you don't have to go into details.

When you hear the ambulnce roaring by, don't look where it is going!!
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #9  September 13,2009, 4:18pm

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whatever you do....don't tell him "your a nice guy, but..." because sooner or later we will find him here saying "nice guys always finish last"

I usually like to take the burder off the other person. Lying is sometimes appropriate in these cases. Intentions are clear (you don't want to or can't go out again) but they don't absolutley need to know why.

Though, in this case, I think it wouldn't hurt to clue him in a little.

I might say something along the lines of...I really enjoyed meeting you and getting to know you, but I just think that we are in different stages of life right now and I'd like to focus more on my children right now, and I wish you the best in your search, I just don't think we are a match right now (or something to that effect).

Your not going to break his heart. Don't take it so hard. Everyone has to learn to deal with rejection. In fact, by the way you described him, he probably would not be that suprised. He will live. This is an unfortunate side effect of online dating.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #10  September 13,2009, 4:22pm
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Rainydame wrote :
For me it was more his personality. 30yrs old, still lives with his mom, isn't settled with his life or job. I have 3 kids and I am pretty settled and secure in my life and I know that's on the top of my list as to what I am looking for. I feel bad but I would never just close the match, that would make me feel even worse....I guess it's not supposed to be easy.
If this guy is 30 years old, still lives with mom, and isn't on any career path, it's likely he's been dumped by other women...so this won't be the first time. He's probably anticipating it.
 
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