Why are women so shallow?


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theweave is offline theweave Post #1  September 12,2009, 8:57pm
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During last weekends free communication weekend, I managed to get through all of the steps with one match who happened to live near me (same city!).

We made it to Open Communication and she admitted that she was not a paying member. I had mentioned that I saw her picture and had like it, and she wrote back saying it was only fair if she could see mine and gave me her email address.

So I sent her a couple of pictures that I had of me, from vacation at Walt Disney World.

I get a reply back that she didnt' get "butterflies" when she saw my picture and was basically not interested in me anymore.

I wrote her back and told her that it was obvious that we had stuff in common (we never would have matched if we didn't right?) and we went through all the steps on EH and now she was not interested because of a picture???

I asked her this (a friend told me this once):

Which would you rather be with:

A) a hunk of a guy who treated you like crap
B) an average looking guy who treated you the way you should be treated

She never did answer my email back to her, so I blew her off and my search continues.

Why do poeple base stuff on looks without even meeting or talking to you? Shouldn't you get to know the person first?

Why are women so shallow?
 
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MansPOV is offline MansPOV Post #2  September 14,2009, 9:53pm
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First of all, don't blame women, men do the exact same thing! People do it to each other all the time.

I just experienced the exact same thing with this last free weekend. Made it through to open communication, had a lot in common, we exchanged numbers and chatted for a couple hours on the phone before she mentioned that she hadn't seen my picture. At that point I knew the chances of moving forward had dropped like a rock. I emailed her some pics that evening and POOF haven't heard from her since. Not even a "thanks but no thanks" email. At least you got the "no butterflies" speech.

You hear a lot of people say: I wasn't really attracted to them at first but as I got to know them, they became more and more attractive. The problem with getting to know someone without the visual first, is that people have a tendency to create a mental image of you in their minds that invariably surpasses the reality. That is to say, you've already BECOME more attractive to them, in their mind! However the reality is still the reality. Trust me, we've all seen that: "Oh, I thought you'd be hotter" look at one point or another.

That being said, YOU need to understand that looks are just one of the parameters of this big, fuzzy, online dating game, and you can't change that. So you either learn to accept it or log onto real life where people can see you BEFORE you meet them.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #3  September 14,2009, 10:26pm
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theweave wrote :

Why are women so shallow?
Please avoid the generalizations...you are talking about one woman who didn't find your pictures attractive. That doesn't mean ALL women are shallow.

When you posted this, you already knew what she looked like, but would you consider ANY woman who had as much in common with you as she, no matter what she looked like, how tall she was or what she weighed? Don't you know any women with some common interests to whom you are not attracted? It is not shallow to not be attracted to everyone you meet or are matched with that might have some degree of compatibility. It's just human.

It's too bad that she is looking for butterflies from a photo though--that's very high expectations since a lot of people look so much better in person (one of the downsides of internet dating). Although there is always the possibility there is something that she sees in your photo that she considers a deal-breaker or that really turns her off that another woman won't mind (mustache, tattoo, beard, earring, cigarette, beer, blond/redhead/brunette/bald, dead animal, gratuitous shirtlessness etc.)--who can say?
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #4  September 14,2009, 10:34pm
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Remember that dating show called "Next"? Yeah....guys are a LOT more shallow as a rule. I remember many times the women just coming off the RV/bus and the guy would just say "Next!" where as most women would at least get to know the guy. There are always exceptions to the rule....
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #5  September 14,2009, 10:46pm
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theweave wrote :
Which would you rather be with:

A) a hunk of a guy who treated you like crap
B) an average looking guy who treated you the way you should be treated
This has been addressed a lot on the various threads involving Chemistry/Attraction. Most men and women need to feel attracted to someone before they are interested in pursuing a relationship. That's not shallow.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #6  September 14,2009, 11:03pm
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theweave wrote :
I had mentioned that I saw her picture and had like it
Based on this, I'm not even sure if you yourself are deep enough that you would have gotten through all the steps with her if you had not liked how she looked.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #7  September 14,2009, 11:13pm
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Disclaimer time once again: Nothing posted here is directed at anyone of either gender, or anyone else for that matter, or to single out anyone, or to upset, anger, or irritate anyone of either gender or anyone else for that matter.

After reading the OP's story it sounds like there may be some high expectations from the OP about the so-called matching system. Reality is that any match sent may only be matched based on some secret computer formula that we pay for.

This does not and can not take any persons personal tastes in visual stimulation into account. That is one part each person has to judge for themselves on a case by case basis.

Humans are all different, that is what makes this world such a fun place. Some care more about looks first, then maybe other far more important things.

Other people are not as concerned about looks and focus more on who the match may be as a person. What matters most to me is who the person is first, then I can go on to other less important things.

Just my personal opinion based on 8 years and counting searching for a potential match.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #8  September 14,2009, 11:32pm
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Let's just say that EVERYBODY is shallow and go out and have some beers!
 
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tom1385 is offline tom1385 Post #9  September 15,2009, 12:15am
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Men are just as shallow. Most guys probably aren't looking for a women to support them, so they just want a beautiful (1) girl with a great personality (2).

Women are looking for a good looking (1), rich/successful (2) guy with a great personality (3) and who will lead them to adventure (4).

So basically both have a 1:1 ratio of superficial to deep traits that they are looking for.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #10  September 15,2009, 12:45am
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a picture is worth a thousand words. so she didn't feel the spark. that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. really, if you think about it, she saved you time and money.

you should pick up the latest Discovery magazine. the higher brain functions know what they're looking for. it only takes a fraction of a second for it to make a decision. the only thing that overrules this sort of thing is a rigid system of arranged marriages, where rule breakers are stoned to death.
 
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