I really need advice on this one!!!


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GEF2 is offline GEF2 Post #1  September 12,2009, 1:06pm
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I've been on eharmony and a couple of other dating sites for about 5 months now. I am 33y.o., and consider myself to be an attractive female and others would agree. I have always been in long term relationships, so I don't have too much 'dating' experience. My problem is that in the past 5 months, I've only been out with 7 guys-and one of them was someone who I met in person. So, really, 6 men from online. I do get a decent amount of men contacting me, but either they take weeks in between replies which tells me that their not really that interested, or if we do end up communicating, they start writing me 'novels' as though we're old friends, and they never ask me out! The ones who are brave enough to give me their phone numbers (I have no problem calling them) do the same thing. They will talk and talk and talk and we'll be getting along just fine, but they never ask me out. And this goes on for multiple phone conversations. These men seem good on paper and are college educated, have good jobs, etc, but they don't have social skills when it comes to the opposite sex. I didn't join DATING sites to become pen pals or phone buddies with people. I very much want to be in a relationship which I think I've made perfectly clear in my profiles. And, I do have multiple current pictures of myself up. I think the best way to get to know someone is in person, not via email or on the phone.

So my questions are: is there something different that I should be doing? Is it ok for me to ask a guy out? I just feel that I shouldn't have to do that but I will if necessary. What is wrong with all these guys? What are they thinking? I'm getting really frustrated.

I appreciate all advice, and I would love to hear guy's opinions, thanks.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #2  September 12,2009, 1:16pm
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Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

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From a male perspective it sounds like they are intimidated in some way. Keep sifting through until you find a match who has a stronger personality, and some self confidence..

And lots of patience.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  September 12,2009, 1:20pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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GEF2 wrote :
They will talk and talk and talk and we'll be getting along just fine, but they never ask me out.
Hi....I'm jayjay. Wanna go out?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  September 12,2009, 1:22pm
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One date / month is not horrible – it’s about what I achieved, and much better than some people (of course, that should be one / month with good, pre-screened people, many of which are good relationship candidates.)
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #5  September 12,2009, 1:25pm
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jayjay wrote :
Hi....I'm jayjay. Wanna go out?

Hold on, jayjay, I was here first!!!!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  September 12,2009, 1:30pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Laughingdaily wrote :
Hold on, jayjay, I was here first!!!!
You waited too long to ask. You snooze, you lose. He who hesitates...
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #7  September 12,2009, 1:37pm
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jayjay wrote :
You waited too long to ask. You snooze, you lose. He who hesitates...

Jayjay, come on now, you know I am just a little slow!
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #8  September 12,2009, 1:37pm
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is happy.

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jayjay wrote :
You waited too long to ask. You snooze, you lose. He who hesitates...

I can take her for dinner while you 2 are arm wrestling.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  September 12,2009, 1:38pm
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See now, this is exactly what I've been trying to tell Gr8Guy (who I think has me on ignore) and many others. Don't screw around writing the story of your life and spend forever in OC and email. Close the deal and meet the gal.

GEF, the problem is in the advice that is given to us clueless guys when we start in online dating. Dr. eH tells us to take our time, be considerate, let her set the pace, let her decide when she's safe. So we start out thinking that we have to answer every question asked fully and absolutely truthfully, whether it makes us look more attractive to you or not. We go into pen-pal mode because we think we can't "pressure" the gal for a date or meeting. This usually ends up with one side or the other (or both) either losing interest, or building up an unrealistic image of the other person that ends up being crushed if/when they meet for real.

Many of us grow out of this and come to our senses, but we also usually don't keep up our eH membership.
Last edited by melman; September 12,2009 at 1:47pm.
 
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tillygirl is offline tillygirl Post #10  September 12,2009, 2:49pm
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You're not doing anything wrong GEF2. The world is full of strange men when dating. I do the same thing as you. I do not call anyone even if they give me their number. I get along with most men but that doesn't mean I want to date them. Big difference.

You have to see the guy in person to get a vibe. Once we get to open communication, I suggest a lunch, dinner and if they don't want to, arriva baby.

There seems to be a lot of people (don't know about women since I'm hetero) who just do this for fun and stimulation and are not really serious about meeting someone. Or they are attached and are just seeing if they can "play with someone." Sad fact of life in today's internet driven world.
 
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