AirQuality is offline AirQuality Post #1  September 11,2009, 3:55pm
AirQuality's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

Okay so I'm a divorced 40-something man who's back in the dating pool after divorcing from a 19 year marriage back in May of this year. Fortunately, I lost about 40 pounds and got a new swimming suit!

So , I got a reply last month! WOOHOO! We hit it off fairly well, as in I shook hands with her at first, and was met with an enthusiastic hug & kiss on the cheek at the close. I should mention we're both in our 40's. We've been texting & chatting online with each other since that first meeting and decided on another meeting this coming weekend. We're both wanting to take things slow and not rush into anything being that we're both divorced. I don't feel like it's a case of "nothing better" because I get the feeling we both enjoy each other's company. I'm not miracle mind reader, but I could be wrong eh? It wouldn't be the first time a woman has lied to me.

Anyway, no sooner do I think I could spend some time with her, and I am introduced to this other 40something woman here on eHarmony and think... okay... she's also a lot of fun too, attractive and we're even more in tune with keeping fit and eating healthy. Keep in mind, I didn't take very good care of myself during my failed marriage so being healthy and in shape is important and will be for me for a long time. Ugh... it's feast or famine!!!! So... I like both of these women but have no aspirations of being a player and don't want to hurt either one. Oh, and in case you're asking, I think with the big head, not the little one so this isn't about sex. Fortunately, it's early on and nothing has happened yet where we couldn't honestly back out for any reason.

What factors should I be thinking about to aid in the decision process? I haven't been in the dating pool for over 21 years!!! Right now, the biggest issue for me is distance. One is less than 10 miles away, the other closer to 40 and in my mind... However, being somewhat sincere, I'd really feel badly about tossing the first one just because she's 40 miles away. They're both a lot of fun, neither seem crazy (though you never really know until the first big fight happens), both have kids, both have reasonably secure jobs, as well as being honest, sincere, and looking for a long-term relationship (which I am as well). Am I nuts here? Help!!!

Thanks in advance,
AQ
 
  Reply With Quote
Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #2  September 11,2009, 4:00pm
Laughingdaily's Avatar

Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 626

See profile

You may want to double check your emotions. Best to leave those at the door until you actualy see where either one of these may go..
 
  Reply With Quote
Seneca is offline Seneca Post #3  September 11,2009, 4:41pm
Seneca's Avatar

a Dios

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 230

See profile

Why on Earth are you "looking for a long-term relationship"? What good did the last one do you? What's wrong with giving yourself a breather?

If you were looking just for relationships - just to see what develops - you would find it easier to just be yourself and easier to "just take it slow". And just because you are not "looking for a long term relatinship" with every ounce of effort doesn't mean you are bad. It means you are looking for the relationship first and are open to sustaining a relationship if it is good and continues to grow.
And as long as you are "just looking for relationships", you can be fair with all of them and not have any pressing need to "choose" any of the relationships over any of the others. It is possible to enjoy Vegas withOUT rushing to put all your chips on Red 69.
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #4  September 11,2009, 4:45pm
neardc's Avatar

Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,050

See profile

Hmmm... it seems to me that you don't know either of them well enough to make that sort of decision at this point. You are just beginning to date, and there is certainly no reason that you shouldn't be dating more than one woman casually at this point. You aren't the same guy you were when you last dated, so you are still figuring out exactly what you want and need from a relationship (it's also been a very short time since your divorce and you are still adjusting to your new life as a single, available man).

Don't, of course, lead anyone to believe that you are exclusive with her if you are not. And be especially clear -- both for you and your dates -- what it means for your relationship if you decide to have sex. For some people that is going to imply exclusivity; for others, it's just a good date.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #5  September 11,2009, 5:57pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

You've been on one date with one, and no date yet (I think) with the other. You're putting the cart before the horse. Calm down a little.
 
  Reply With Quote
hummingbird2009 is offline hummingbird2009 Post #6  September 11,2009, 8:29pm
hummingbird20…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Somewhere out there

Posts: 93

See profile

Yep, you're nuts. Are you also on the rebound?
 
  Reply With Quote
kmc1977 is offline kmc1977 Post #7  September 11,2009, 10:17pm
kmc1977's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 6

See profile

Definitely don't make any quick decisions just yet. As you said, you are just starting to date again, and this is the time to get to know several different people, with no strings attached, to see who is the best fit for you. Go out with the second woman and see how things go, and just let things happen naturally. You will know after a couple of dates with each lady which one you'd rather spend more time with...if either. Just give yourself time to enjoy getting out there again.

Best of luck to you!
 
  Reply With Quote
Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #8  September 12,2009, 12:14am
Mokkesofie's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 8,463

See profile

It's way to soon for decisions like that. Go out there and have fun, get it out of your system.
I was married for 33 years and it took me over 3 years to even think about dating again.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  September 12,2009, 5:44am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

You should NOT be dating until at least a year after the divorce is final! Take time to heal and get right with yourself.

Then when you get back into the dating world go out with a lot of girls. Date to have fun and for the date itself, don't go on the date thinking that she is "the one". Date to learn about the other person. Date to learn about yourself, what you want in a match and what you don't.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Friday Night Roll Call--TGIF? | Dating | First date... and it's done? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
feast, thankfully the famine is over verylibra Dating 29 July 16,2009 5:01am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I do still eat and drink the things I shouldn't sometimes. I'd stop if I needed an Epi-Pen but none of my allergies are severe enough for that yet. I feel for you, Legend.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“No, this is the ONE, with the Domestic Man among men that I hunger for... New Twist Like the great philosopher Dr. Phil says, "When momma's happy, everyone's happy".” –  tweet37

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I think you are projecting that if you are the one paying for the first few dates that the woman is a "pay to play" woman and if you were to marry her she would be so irresponsible that you'd be ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“That's disappointing. You've gotten a lot of tips about changing your settings and I hope it pays off when you do.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“ Happy Faraday, Birth... um I mean... Happy Birthday, Fara. I blame harnomygirl... typing her name messes with your mind.” –  dmi

Join the “The End Maybe Coming” discussion

“I thought she took the safer route and met him here first. Now that she knows he's fun, they'll throw caution to the wind, but gently.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “a match wants to meet me in a foreign country” discussion

“ I wouldn't be so sure he was ready (the way you mean it) with this new girl. He was calling you testing the waters while seeing her, right? This may just be how he is in relationships- this may ... ” –  FairOne

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:53am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0