Was he just about the physical?


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Questioninggirl is offline Questioninggirl Post #1  September 10,2009, 10:46pm
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I met a guy while out with friends at a small dance place on 80's night. I never go out and drink but I drank a little and we danced. He kissed me and at the end of the night asked for my phone #. He called and met me 2 more times in the next 3 days. We were both leaving the area soon after.

Each time we met was brief and the 3rd time we became more physical than I planned. I told him I was a virgin and I couldn't have sex. He said that was fine, he understood and he had dated someone for a long time without having sex.

But he didn't call after. I texted him and asked him if we could talk and he called. He said he was truly interested in me but he didn't think it would work because we lived so far apart. I told him that when i am interested in someone I still want to get to know them and be friends even if its not going to work out and he said "that would be cool. what would that involve?"

He hasn't called since. Was he just being a nice guy and showing me that he is really not interested in getting to know me...beyond the physical?
Last edited by Questioninggirl; September 10,2009 at 10:49pm.
 
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tom1385 is offline tom1385 Post #2  September 10,2009, 10:48pm
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Yes, he was not interested in a long relationship and he was just interested in a quick lay.

(Ok, there are probably more variables, but on the bright side at least you dodged this guy for now).
 
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winn is offline winn Post #3  September 10,2009, 11:13pm

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Could be. I had the same kind of situation, quickly physical but no sex involved and he became just as quickly, elusive.
I would suggest forgetting about him and moving on to someone else who will treat you the way you deserve, ie. stick around for who you are, not for what they think you have to offer upfront. We are both better than a quick role in the hay.
 
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Questioninggirl is offline Questioninggirl Post #4  September 11,2009, 12:34am
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I may be excessively gullible but I asked him up front if he was a "clubber" and if he had a girlfriend or 10. He seemed to be interested in more than a casual thing. He even asked me questions about what I'd be doing the next 6 months.
He drove a long way to meet me the second and third nights too. Does that mean anything?
Could it have been that I freaked him out by telling him I was a virgin? Or by the akwardness from the end of the situation?
 
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tom1385 is offline tom1385 Post #5  September 11,2009, 12:41am
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Well, players are trained to give you the "right answer".

Of course he is going to lie and tell you he isn't a player if he is one.

Of course he is going to talk about the future.

Even if he wasn't a player, any guy would typically use those lines.

A real good player would have been much more aggressive and you probably would have fallen for him, so consider yourself lucky.

But like I said, there could have been other variables that would have made him honest.

I'm sure once you told him you wanted to wait, he just felt like it would take too long to get his satisfaction.

I have known people that drove across the country to get laid for a weekend (his car later overheated on the drive there). I have known people to fly to Canada for a one night stand. I wouldn't put it past this guy thinking he'd get lucky, but he just didn't want to put the effort in.
 
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winn is offline winn Post #6  September 11,2009, 2:23am

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I would be cautious about putting too much stock in his questions about what you are doing in six months or saying that he drove a long way to meet you. It's hard to know if someone is being truthful when you know nothing about them and anyone can say anything they want about themselves. The fact that he has kind of disappeared is a huge indicator that things weren't what he would have liked you to see and believe.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #7  September 11,2009, 3:25am
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Questioninggirl wrote :
I may be excessively gullible but I asked him up front if he was a "clubber" and if he had a girlfriend or 10. He seemed to be interested in more than a casual thing.
They always do seem interested in more ...duh ...because, think about it, would you have given him the time of day if he had come right out and said, "no, I'm just interested in getting into your pants tonight"?

You sound young, so listen to your first lesson from Uncle BikerBeagle ...trust a guy by the way he acts, his behavior towards you, not the drivel coming out of his mouth. This guy was showing you what he wanted from the get-go by shoving his tongue down your throat after only a dance or two. Did you think that was romantic or something? ...like it was out of a movie where you have met your true love one special night? ...wake up, girl, smell the coffee.

Questioninggirl wrote :
He drove a long way to meet me the second and third nights too. Does that mean anything?
Yes, it means something ...it means that a guy will drive a long way for the possibility of getting sex. *boggle*

Questioninggirl wrote :
Could it have been that I freaked him out by telling him I was a virgin? Or by the akwardness from the end of the situation?
lol ...no, you 'freaked him out' by telling him you wouldn't have sex with him. At that point, the wheels started turning in his head, the hamsters started running, and he started calculating whether you were worth his time and effort to - eventually, someday - have sex with you. He obviously decided it wasn't (but look for him to 'return' some day and, if he does, he hasn't changed ...he's just hoping that some other guy did the legwork for him and you are now open to having sex).

The thing you need to learn here is, some guys will decide it's worth it and continue 'playing' you ...the only way you can weed those guys out from the guys who are honestly and truly interested in you? ...look at the way he acts and behaves towards you! If a guy seems way more interested in you physically - always wants to be alone, making out, pushing the envelope getting to the next base - he is just interested in you physically. Guys who are interested in you otherwise? ...yeah, they are going to do this too, but they are also going to take you out, meet your friends, have you meet his friends, etc and so forth.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  September 11,2009, 4:52am
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Questioninggirl wrote :
I met a guy while out with friends at a small dance place on 80's night. I never go out and drink but I drank a little and we danced. He kissed me and at the end of the night asked for my phone #. He called and met me 2 more times in the next 3 days. We were both leaving the area soon after.

Each time we met was brief and the 3rd time we became more physical than I planned. I told him I was a virgin and I couldn't have sex. He said that was fine, he understood and he had dated someone for a long time without having sex.

But he didn't call after. I texted him and asked him if we could talk and he called. He said he was truly interested in me but he didn't think it would work because we lived so far apart. I told him that when i am interested in someone I still want to get to know them and be friends even if its not going to work out and he said "that would be cool. what would that involve?"

He hasn't called since. Was he just being a nice guy and showing me that he is really not interested in getting to know me...beyond the physical?
nice guy? dont know where you get that but yeah he thought you would be easy and uncomplicated because you lived far away.

good for you in standing your ground.
 
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Amethyst_Kim41 is offline Amethyst_Kim41 Post #9  September 11,2009, 5:12am
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I agree with BikerBeagle - he has made it a bit easier for me with his bluntness, but I believe he has it right In my experience it can be absolutely amazing what a guy will do if he thinks there may be a chance of sex. And it definitely includes driving for miles!

It is very true to look to and think about your guy's actions in this situation, and not just wonder about the truth of his words. The truth is that a man who is genuinely interested in the lovely young lady you are will demonstrate it unquestionably with his time, attention and caring manner when he takes you out. It also includes showing you the utmost respect, and that doesn't include expecting sex only 3 dates in. I wonder if this guy thought your sweet nature may be naivete.....? Show him he's wrong
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  September 11,2009, 5:31am
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Well I have had a girl tell me about the third date rule (don't personally subscribe) but it could have been that he really was not interested in a LDR. This may have been reinforced after making a long trip to see you twice.

But what would I know.
 
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