kmc1977 is offline kmc1977 Post #1  September 10,2009, 5:44pm
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Actually, "BAFFLED" is more the word I'd use. I could really use some insight here, mainly from men, but women, please feel free to give me your advice if you've been in a situation like this before. And I apologize in advance if this is lengthy, but I want everyone to have the full picture.

So, I met this guy about 2 months ago. I am a nurse and he is a marketer for about 44 nursing homes in a large area. I walked into this particular nsg home one day and there he was. Something clicked instantly with him, as he is very witty and sarcastic, as am I, and we bated back and forth a little bit. Over the course of the next 4 weeks, I just had this "urge" in my gut to go back. So, I went back approx twice a week (diff. days and times) for the next 4 weeks. I found out later that he is not always at this facility and that his schedule varies day to day, but he was always there when I went in. Seemed like fate..... I found out from one of the nurses that he is single. One day about 3 1/2 weeks ago I decided that before I left I would go sit down and actually talk to him, more than just the idle chit chat and flirting in passing. I was with him for about 20 mins and during this time he basically told me that he was interested...in a roundabout way. After I left, the nurse who told me he is single went in a talked to him, and he admitted to her that he liked me and was very interested. Actually, his words were "I think she's cute, confident, great personality, and I think we'd be perfect together." So, this nurse called me to get my phone number for him. 15 minutes later he called me and we talked for over 2 hours. There was not even a second of uncomfortable silence, and though some of the talk was silly and sarcastic, he would turn it serious, which was very nice. During this time he made this comment: "OK, so are we going to be one of those couples who gets together and just knows that this is it, so we end up engaged in 3 months?" I just laughed and said something like "you never know, I guess we'll have to wait and see." He told me that he had never really had the "butterfly" feeling with previous gf's bc they pursued him, but with me he felt like he "could vomit" (lol...this is how we talk/flirt) So about 4 days later we went out for the first time. We went to the park and were there for 8 hours. Just talking, listening to music, getting to know each other. He did kiss me, and we "played" a little...but nothing crazy....no sex or anything even close; just some light touching. The next day he texted me a few times from work to see how I was, and then I didn't hear anything else until 3 days later when he sent me a text that said "You disappeared." I asked what he was talking about and he texted me "I texted you twice yesterday and you never replied." So I called him and we talked for about 20 minutes. I told him I never got any texts from him, but that I was really hoping I would because I would have loved to do something with him the night before. He asked me why I hadn't called him, and that he was surprised I hadn't. Just a quick background on this guy...he grew up in foster care, and though he is a well-rounded successful person, he admitted to me early on that he has a huge fear of rejection. So, as the convo went on, he told me that he "liked having a crush on a nurse." (meaning me) and that I "make him smile." He asked if he could call me the next day and told me that I could call him anytime I wanted bc he liked hearing from me. We hung up and later that night I texted a goodnight message to him. The next day I sent him a text asking how he was and he wrote back that he was golfing with his buddies. He never did call. I didn't hear anything for 3 days, and then I texted him another "how are you" and he texted back, but still no call. Another 5 days passed, bringing us, to last week, and I was going crazy so I texted him this: "Have you forgotten about me already?" He immediately responded with : "shut your mouth, how dare you speak such nonsense! " This relieved me bc this was a normal goofy response from him. I called later that night and left a message, but he never called back...and still hasn't....10 days later. A couple of days ago I sent him a message on Facebook (we are not "friends" but you can still message someone) and it said "OK..have I missed something? I'm so confused. You told me to call anytime, but when I do, you don't answer the phone or return my calls. So, I guess I'll take the hint and leave you alone. I truly wish you the best." And that was it. Have never heard a word. I did find out from the nurse who set us up, per se, that she was told he would no longer be at that facility. She didn't know details, but I do know, from him, that he was not getting along with the other marketer in the company. My gut tells me that something happened with his job, but I don't know.

Guys, and ladies, can anyone give insight to me here? This guy came on really strong....not only to me...but he also told several people that he and I know mutually that he really really likes me. So, how come all of a sudden nothing? I know I haven't done anything. I haven't texted or called continually every day. I went 3-5 days in between, bc I didnt' want to be pushy. But now I'm just so confused and disappointed because....well, I hate to say it.....but something was SO different with him from the first moment I met him than I have EVER experienced. I have NEVER felt the urge to keep going to see someone, nor have I met someone whose sarcastic witty humor is just like mine. I'm very disappointed, and I don't want to be fretful....but I just wonder if I will ever hear from him again.


Sheesh.....thanks all for reading my novel. I really appreciate any advice.
God Bless~
 
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melman is offline melman Post #2  September 10,2009, 5:58pm
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Advice? OK.

Paragraphs are nice.
 
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Lookingandlooking is offline Lookingandlooking Post #3  September 10,2009, 6:08pm
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This is hard to deal with - but sometimes people just don't call and explain what's going on. It drives me crazy. There could be a hundred plus reasons why he doesn't call - I've searched online about this A LOT!

It boils down to: he's not interested. If he was, he would call. He has your number, he can text you, you've made every attempt to contact him.

So, I'm very sorry to say - you need to let this go. And it's not fair and it doesn't make sense and it stinks.

Don't second guess yourself - it's nothing you said or didn't say, it's nothing you did or didn't do, it's not what you wore.

On the plus side, you got in some date practice!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  September 10,2009, 6:15pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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My guess is....he's messed up about relationships. Don't even think you're going to 'fix him'. Unfortunately, I think you just have to let it go. These kinds of stories usually seem to start out the way yours did...that things just felt 'so right'. Maybe it's that for things to feel that perfect....something has to be wrong. I don't know. Good luck.
 
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kmc1977 is offline kmc1977 Post #5  September 10,2009, 6:32pm
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Once again, I do apologize for the length of this post.
 
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centralillinois is offline centralillinois Post #6  September 10,2009, 6:35pm
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First I want to say that "melman" was incredibly rude to drop a dig about paragraphs after you poured your heart out. Nothing like someone slamming you when you're already riddled with angst.

Secondly, I think your new friend is the classic "player". His comment about being engaged in 3 months is a textbook player tactic. Be on guard whenever a man is that emotionally involved so early on. The witty, sarcastic personality also fits. Players know how to charm. Given that he was raised in a foster home might make him prone to have anger / hate issues with women - stemming from his mother, I'm guessing. I've been "played" before, too and it's a painful experience - mostly in disappointment with ourselves for being sucked in. Trust me, it's not you. You sound like a really neat person and, believe it or not, you've dodged a bullet with this guy. Consider yourself lucky. Run from this type in the future!

Good luck!
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #7  September 10,2009, 6:38pm
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KMC, am so sorry about this. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. It is hard to say without knowing more about him if this is a pattern of behavior (his interest in you or his confusing disappearance) or if he is just easily distracted. I know it is not easy but please do yourself the favor or reminding yourself that it is his loss and you deserve someone with the ability to back up all the nice words with sustained interest.

Best of luck@
 
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Eyepoke is offline Eyepoke Post #8  September 10,2009, 6:44pm
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Newbie,

I can see how this can be confusing...

My advice to you is similar to that of the guy above me, it's possible it's time to move on. It's sad to hear that things started so great for the two of you and it seems that you connected and had many things in common, but this doesn't mean he was totally in to you, after all he already told you that you aren't the type of girl he usually goes after, or gets together with. He may have been taken back by the situation, and realized later he likes his independance... or whatever it may be.

The reality is, maybe he DID lose his job, and believe me losing your job has a huge impact on your confidence. Since this guy seems like he was already a bit of a softy, this could have made him feel unworthy even though you could very well be the best thing for him during a time like that. Keeping his house, car, fridge stocked, etc might be more important to him right now than calling that cool gal and being all depressed on the phone, he might think he'll push you away, or that he's not worth you now. Maybe his job required him to relocate, and distance became an issue?

It's also possible that he's met someone else, especially if he's so "fantastic".

Really, the best advice i could give you on this situation is don't waste your time on someone who wont waste theirs on you. This might not be what you want to hear, but there's really no other option.

Hopefully this helps more so than "paragraphs are nice." Keep your head up.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  September 10,2009, 6:50pm
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Sorry, just way too long for me to read. Must have ADD.

From what I did read I would say jayjay is on to something. Looks to me like you had the instant sparks chemistry thing going on which can't be maintained. Once the fireworks are over then there is nothing left.

Time to move on.
 
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butterflywhisperer is offline butterflywhisperer Post #10  September 10,2009, 6:55pm
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It really sounds like he has some issues that he hasn't sorted out yet. One of my best friends was in foster care since she was two years old and went through seven different homes by the time she was in 3rd grade. From what I gather, either foster homes are good or horrific and if it isn't a nurturing home, he likely has bonding issues, depending on how long he was an F child and at what age. Those places can really mess people up and unless they seek help to work through it its likely he will continue this behavior. It is really sad, my friend raised herself and the abuse she suffered was uniminiagle. This may make some sense, when she divorced and custody of her daughter was discussed, she didn't bother to fight for her and when I asked her why she replied "everything I ever loved was taken away from me". Perhaps or not he has some of that as well.

Either way, these are his issues and maybe he wants a 'nurse' so they will be there and care for him that wasn't met in childhood. Its speculation but as you know, you cannot 'fix' people. Much as you want to, they have to do it on their own and in their own time.
 
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