First date... and it's done?


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h8eharmony is offline h8eharmony Post #1  September 10,2009, 6:34am
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I've been in OC with someone for around two months; because of conflicts with both of our schedules, we were unable to meet any sooner than this past weekend. She's definately my type of person, at least from what I've learned through talking to her online as well as our meeting this weekend... we went for a walk then to get a bite to eat - and she seemed to be enjoying herself the whole evening. At the end of the "date" we said our goodbyes, but I didn't want to push it or make her uncomfortable with a hug/kiss, so pulled a "drive safe, have a good day off tomorrow" etc. and we went our separate ways.

When I got home I sent her a quick message on EH saying something along the lines of "thanks for tonight, I had a great time, hope you did too."
The next day I sent another message answering a random question she had previously asked, as well as threw out that I was interested in meeting again if she was comfortable with it.

So skip ahead, it's now been four days since we met and still no response from her. I know she's been online, as under the "profile views" her name shows up as 2 days ago - also she added two new pictures from a trip she was on recently... does this mean she's not interested in me and is adding more pictures for other guys to see who she is? She told me a few weeks ago that she had turned matching off, as she was enjoying our conversations etc... so why new pictures?

I don't want to sound like a creeper, as I'm not that kind of person... I promise! I'm just wondering whether or not it would be appropriate at this point to write a third message asking how her week has been, or simply something along the lines of "I take it form your lack of communication that either you're more busy than usual at work, or you didn't enjoy the evening as much as I did - if it's the latter, is there any specific reasoning behind it, possibly something that I could work on personally?"

Not those exact words, obviously, but something similar...

So yeah, I guess short version - do I wait for her to respond, or do I write a third time and hope for a response? I figure since it's been 4 days now, I may be out of luck with this one



Sidenote: the username was somewhat a joke with a post I was going to do shortly after I joined EH - that never post happened, and the username is linked to my email address so I have to use it I guess.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  September 10,2009, 6:40am
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Do not e-mail her again. You've already done enough including telling her that you want to see her again. She knows, however she is not interested in you anymore.

Unfortunately this happens with online dating all the time - you can have great e-mails and great conversations but until you meet, you really have no idea if the physical attraction and chemistry will actually be there. Unfortunately in your case, you are attracted and she is not and there is nothing you can do about that except move on.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  September 10,2009, 6:54am
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h8eharmony wrote :



So skip ahead, it's now been four days since we met and still no response from her. I know she's been online, as under the "profile views" her name shows up as 2 days ago - also she added two new pictures from a trip she was on recently... does this mean she's not interested in me and is adding more pictures for other guys to see who she is?

Ding ding ding!! Yep.

She told me a few weeks ago that she had turned matching off, as she was enjoying our conversations etc... so why new pictures?

She's just not that into you.

{snip}
write a third message {snip} something along the lines ofe it form your lack of communication that "you're not interested?"
After the third message, it's time to close her out.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #4  September 10,2009, 6:55am
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h8eharmony wrote :
I'm just wondering whether or not it would be appropriate at this point to write a third message asking how her week has been, or simply something along the lines of "I take it form your lack of communication that either you're more busy than usual at work, or you didn't enjoy the evening as much as I did - if it's the latter, is there any specific reasoning behind it, possibly something that I could work on personally?"

Not those exact words, obviously, but something similar...
No, you do not want to write something similar.

It's true that she may have lost interest. Nothing you can do there. No matter what you write, you might not hear from her again. It happens. A lot.

She might be playing the 3-day waiting game with you, which some people see as necessary. If that turns out to be the case, you can let her know that you expect her to be more respectful of your time.

Or - she's still sorta interested but has cold feet and is looking for reasons to rule you out. You were in OC with her for 2 months, which was a mistake in itself, but you survived it which is unusual. Usually long OC/email exchanges result in one side or the other losing interest, or building up an expectation which the in-person meeting just can't satisfy. If you simply vanish on her now, that relieves her of any pressure to act and she can conclude "oh... it was him, not me". Don't let her get away with this.

If you are sure you want to try to see her again, you could send one final note. But be short and to the point. What you wrote above is rambling, and you've made up all her excuses for her. Come on man... you're apologizing for your own behavior, and you don't even know why. Is that really the image you want to present?

Here are the points I would make. I would not ask "how her week has been". Save that for the date if it happens. Otherwise, why do you care?
1. I'm sorry to see that you haven't responded.
2. I had a good time and I know you did too.
3. I would like to see you again. How do we make that happen?

If she is on the fence about you, this should push her in one direction or the other. Be prepared for either. (Or sadly, neither.)
Last edited by melman; September 10,2009 at 7:02am.
 
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h8eharmony is offline h8eharmony Post #5  September 10,2009, 7:03am
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melman wrote :

Here are the points I would make. I would not ask "how her week has been". Save that for the date if it happens. Otherwise, why do you care?
1. I'm sorry to see that you haven't responded.
2. I had a good time and I know you did too.
3. I would like to see you again. How do we make that happen?

If she is on the fence about you, this should push her in one direction or the other.

Good advice, I had planned to wait until tonight or tomorrow morning, as it's entirely possible that she's playing the 3day game. I agree, short, sweet and to the point is the way to go with this one, though yes, I do want to meet with her again if it works out that way.

I'll use your three points and hope for the best - and I agree that 2 months is too long for OC/email, but like I said, both of our schedules never worked out at the same time (work, out of the country, etc.)
Thanks.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  September 10,2009, 7:15am
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DancingFool wrote :
Do not e-mail her again. You've already done enough including telling her that you want to see her again. She knows, however she is not interested in you anymore.

Unfortunately this happens with online dating all the time - you can have great e-mails and great conversations but until you meet, you really have no idea if the physical attraction and chemistry will actually be there. Unfortunately in your case, you are attracted and she is not and there is nothing you can do about that except move on.
It happens IRL all the time too!
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #7  September 10,2009, 7:28am
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As said above she isn't interested- move on and forget about her.
In fact, send her an e-mail telling her you had a nice date but you feel the two of you might not be compataible. Turn the tables!

In the future don't spend more than about 1 week communication before a face to face meeting. Thats long enough to tell if you'll have a fun first date.

On the first date, be a man and kiss and hug her- hold her hand. Don't ask- just do it. That way you both get to "sample the pheremones" and see if you have compatabillity. If you get offered a cheek to kiss then again, likely not interested. You also need to realise a date is a two way process. When I'm on a date I consider that the woman has to make a good impression on me- for me to be interested as much as me impressing her.


it takes two to make a relationship.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #8  September 10,2009, 7:39am

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melman wrote :
If she is on the fence about you, this should push her in one direction or the other. Be prepared for either. (Or sadly, neither.)
I do agree with Melman that sometimes you need to push someone in a direction. However I do not agree with sending a 3rd message you already know the answer to.
[COLOR=black]
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; September 10,2009 at 7:41am. Reason: never going to win a spelling bee
 
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #9  September 10,2009, 2:07pm
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Please don't send her a third email. She's obviously not interested- at least not that much right now.
 
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nishatika is offline nishatika Post #10  September 10,2009, 3:05pm
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go see the movie "he's just not that into you" but turn it the other way around. She's not interested.
 
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