Why Manners Matter

Why Manners Matter

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Why Manners Matter


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blueshoe is offline blueshoe Post #1  September 9,2009, 8:55pm
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Great article. I think about this the older I get. As someone who hasn't alot of real serious relationship experience I am always a bit surprised and shocked when I see how people treat each other badly. Spouses in marriage barely speak over dinner.
Even common courtesy in public for people who work in customer service. The hositility on my job is terrible even amongst co-workers.
Wierd how when you want to marry you hear people bad mouthing their spouse(s). Or if you want to have kids but never will are surrounded by people who complain about theirs or don't want them.
Anybody else feel that way?  I mean I just want one thats all ! I would be greatful. If I start feeling negative I check out my heart . Sometimes it's a warning. People who have hx of domestic violence can tend to repeat the behavior. Our culture also tends to treat 'us'( men and women) esp singles like were some kind of meat market and I get tired of that too.
 
 
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #2  September 9,2009, 9:01pm
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Yeah, I think about it a lot, blueshoe. And if I understand you right, I think the conclusions you're drawing are pretty darn true.

Discourtesy is disrespectful. Being disrespectful of someone devalues them. And making them small and unimportant can be a first step in all kinds of transgressions, including abuse.

Assuming a person deserves courtesy first, and treating them courteously even when they are discourteous to me--may not make them nicer, but at least it'll keep me honest.
 
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jtkdp is online now jtkdp Post #3  September 10,2009, 3:34am
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Rudeness seems to have always been part of dating life. I've had a number of people in my 25+ years of dating, and relationships, just break off communication, without a word. One happened just this week!

I understand moving on with life, and new events may make a further relationship awkward, or impossible, but treating a person that you've been talking to, as if they don't even exist anymore is RUDE! A kind explaination would be polite, and I don't think it would be cheating, if you've moved on, because obviously, you were talking to them while you were talking to me...double standards are not good either!

However, seeing rudeness early on is probably a good thing, and a warning that should be heeded...imagine what they may pull on you later on in a relationship, yikes!!
 
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PatrickNeal is offline PatrickNeal Post #4  September 10,2009, 7:00am
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i hate it when you go on a date and they never call you or write again! people can be such cowards!
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #5  September 10,2009, 7:17am
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Rudeness just doesn't apply to the dating life but to life in general. Yesterday I was shopping at the big discount warehouse and walked past a fellow who was in his cubicle selling cellphones and cellphone plans. It was his tone in how he said,"hi, how are you" as I walked past him. I could feel the irritation, he projected displeasure at being rejected by another customer. At that moment I thought, I'd hate to be in a relationship with this guy. He probably feels his life is so devalued and has zero job satisfaction. I bet he carries that home with him everyday.

Rudeness comes in many forms and I think our technologically advanced society has contributed to it in a big way. I can't tell you how many younger people at the university level come to order food while on a cell phone and refuse to hang up. They point to what they want and continue their conversations. I had one student once with a blue tooth in her ear (which I had not noticed) and after she ordered from me, she said, "you are such a biotch!" I said to her, "excuse me!" and when she saw the expression on my face, she said, "oh, I wasn't talking to you." Now how rude could that be? At the Dr.'s office the other day, I paid $130 for a brief moment of his time and not once did he look up from his computer screen and from his typing to acknowledge that he had heard a word I said. I find that very aggravating and RUDE! For all I know he could've been answering e-mail, going on Facebook, whatever. In essence rudeness comes at all levels of society. No wonder we love our pets so much, at least they give us attention.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #6  September 10,2009, 1:37pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Saw the title was just gonna add my 'manners maketh the man' concurrence.

Then, I read the posts. It made me wonder if it was happening to anyone else. I think it's about rudeness & a lack of manners. so I hope it isn't off thread.

I'm 41 single and childless. I spend my salary on holidays and clothes. Why not, right? I work with a woman who has two lovely daughters whom she adores on but money is tight for them.

I'm not a showy person but if I turn up with a new skirt on she'll say things like "oh, we can tell who hasn't got kids" if I book a holiday she says "huh, it's alright for those without commitments".

I think she's appallingly rude. She doesn't know if I wanted children or if I even if I could have had them and clearly it's a bit late now. When she talks of her children I can't say "oh, it's alright for some who can be sure they're not going to die alone"

Does anyone else get this?
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #7  September 10,2009, 2:28pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
Saw the title was just gonna add my 'manners maketh the man' concurrence.

Then, I read the posts. It made me wonder if it was happening to anyone else. I think it's about rudeness & a lack of manners. so I hope it isn't off thread.

I'm 41 single and childless. I spend my salary on holidays and clothes. Why not, right? I work with a woman who has two lovely daughters whom she adores on but money is tight for them.

I'm not a showy person but if I turn up with a new skirt on she'll say things like "oh, we can tell who hasn't got kids" if I book a holiday she says "huh, it's alright for those without commitments".

I think she's appallingly rude. She doesn't know if I wanted children or if I even if I could have had them and clearly it's a bit late now. When she talks of her children I can't say "oh, it's alright for some who can be sure they're not going to die alone"

Does anyone else get this?
Can I borrow some money? Oh, I mean, may I ~please~ borrow some money. Gotta use my manners.

- Saul
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #8  September 10,2009, 2:33pm
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I pay very close attention to how a woman talks about her ex.

Here's an irony, though, that bothers me. Women will complain that their ex doesn't pay enough child support to her.

Then, I mention that my ex makes me pay child support, but she's a CPA, and the girl will usually pucker up and say, "What a betch."

That said, I do try to be a little bit crass with a woman, especially on the first few dates. I want to scare her off EARLY, not later.

So I'll curse. Maybe tell a dirty joke, or say something lewd.

If she thinks I'm rude, then she and I can't go much further.

If she laughs and adds to my sentence, "... in the bedroom," then she and I are good-to-go.

So, yes, good manners are swell and all, but it is important to BE YOURSELF.

Don't put on a show, or they'll find you out later on.


- Saul
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  September 10,2009, 2:35pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
Does anyone else get this?

All the time. From the same people who are spending my tax money.

They ought to bow before me, remain silent in my presence, and, when I pass, kiss the ground I walk on. For without my tax, they would not survive.

Instead, they express more unwarranted sense of entitlement.
 
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Valtyr is offline Valtyr Post #10  September 10,2009, 8:00pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
Saw the title was just gonna add my 'manners maketh the man' concurrence.

Then, I read the posts. It made me wonder if it was happening to anyone else. I think it's about rudeness & a lack of manners. so I hope it isn't off thread.

I'm 41 single and childless. I spend my salary on holidays and clothes. Why not, right? I work with a woman who has two lovely daughters whom she adores on but money is tight for them.

I'm not a showy person but if I turn up with a new skirt on she'll say things like "oh, we can tell who hasn't got kids" if I book a holiday she says "huh, it's alright for those without commitments".

I think she's appallingly rude. She doesn't know if I wanted children or if I even if I could have had them and clearly it's a bit late now. When she talks of her children I can't say "oh, it's alright for some who can be sure they're not going to die alone"

Does anyone else get this?
Your statement sounds like an example of two people who are very much not aware of the other. This is not so much a bad thing, but a chance to learn. To start, I do not think the lady is so much rude but more envious. If money is tight for her, then she will be under stress to take care of her daughters. Seeing you buying new things without care, and going on holiday when she cannot I imagine would make her feel very inadequate and at the very least somewhat jealous. You on the other hand, you have money and do not have the stress of raising children. Exacerbating the situation is the fact that taking things personally blocks any type of understanding through communication. So she cannot grasp that you might be lonely or anything about you because the door of understanding has not been opened.

I was reading around the boards and found another one of trixie1868 posts and found that she is a girl, I had been reading this in the context of a guy and girl. so there is the correction
Last edited by Valtyr; September 10,2009 at 9:23pm. Reason: new info
 
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