foreverautumn is offline foreverautumn Post #1  September 8,2009, 6:42pm
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I've experienced three of these after deciding to meet for the first time. Instead of a phone call, I receive an email. Is this the latest version of "it's not you, it's me?

I am thinking about laying off the computer it is nothing against you or anything you have done I just am not sure what I want to do right now. I am not sure if I am ready to start all over again with the whole computer dating.
You seem really nice, but I just got so I hated it I felt like I was continuously going on a blind date that always turned out bad.
Please don't be mad, but I think I am going to bail and just wait for love to find me .
I have did this way too many times with no success.
Please forgive me.
I was not trying to lead you on or anything I just am not ready for this I'm sorry.

Thanks for any insight.
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #2  September 8,2009, 7:04pm
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It could be "It is not you it is me" and you will probably never know for sure.

I think a lot of people would be grateful to receive an email stating that there is not any interest instead of just disappearing or being vague. As to the communication being email, if you have only met the one time I think that is entirely appropriate.

Be grateful you can focus on other matches and move on. Best of luck.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #3  September 8,2009, 7:04pm
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Wow...3 times already...I might be wanting to get my chakras realigned or something
I doubt it is what you are communicating because they already agreed to meet with you. Obviously you know the right words to inspire interest and confidence.You might want to study their profiles together to pick out the similarities in these 3 and then avoid women that are so timid or exhausted from the online dating experience. If you felt any of them were really worth it, I would persuade them to set up another date in a setting of their choice that they would feel so comfortable in that they would not even sense any pressure of it being a "date " Really stress your genuine interest in wanting to get to know more about them and having some nice companionship on a sunny afternoon. I'm not a mind reader either so hopefully whatever advice you get from this thread works out for ya
 
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foreverautumn is offline foreverautumn Post #4  September 8,2009, 7:57pm
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Thank you both.

We never met...the emails came just before we were to get together for coffee/coke/lemonade the first time.

I guess I'd better mention that I'm female.

I checked their profiles again...similar in some aspects, but nothing I could really tie together that would send up a flag.

Well, I'm ever optimistic!
Last edited by foreverautumn; September 8,2009 at 7:59pm. Reason: Left out a sentence
 
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Waterbaby100 is offline Waterbaby100 Post #5  September 8,2009, 8:39pm
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They had second thoughts and weren't willing to put in the time and energy to get to know you better. Sounds like they were superficial lookers on the site and not really wanting to meet the right companion.
Keep communicating and who knows what the future has in store for you.
 
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kryswriter is offline kryswriter Post #6  September 9,2009, 2:39am
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I had a lot of what I call "chicken outs." They emailed (and some called) and set up the date and then flaked. I think some people get nervous or scared. I know I do. I had some "maybe's" that didn't overly impress me in the profile, but seemed like they could be good guys. Those were the ones I was more likely to want to cancel on. But I would go and give it a try. Some people find it easier to just back out. Or maybe they do meet so many bad ones and just say "enough"and cancel the one that could have been a good one! Their loss.
 
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foreverautumn is offline foreverautumn Post #7  September 9,2009, 6:15am
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Thank you, waterbaby and kryswriter. I guess I'm hoping from this point forward that the "nervous nelsons" (for lack of a better word at the moment) would stop initiating contact and someone who would at least like to have a bad cup of coffee would screw up their courage. Onward and upward everyone.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #8  September 9,2009, 7:02am
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*nervous nelsons,* that's funny. that's something one has to just suffer. there are a lot of nervous nellies / newbies out there. the net gives 'em the willies and they haven't gotten over it yet. my dad was a fortran programmer in his day, but when the net came around, he'd just freak out in front of the computer. he'd call me and say things like "i broke the internet." i'd be all like, for the love of betsy, you're an engineer!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  September 9,2009, 7:43am
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foreverautumn wrote :
Thank you both.

We never met...the emails came just before we were to get together for coffee/coke/lemonade the first time.

I guess I'd better mention that I'm female.

I checked their profiles again...similar in some aspects, but nothing I could really tie together that would send up a flag.

Well, I'm ever optimistic!
Hmm, now I have had a couple of my matches (women) say something about not being sure that they are ready to go with online dating in Second Questions or in the first Open Communication e-mail. I just go real slow and try to put them at ease, follow their lead and see where it goes. I have even met a couple after going slow with them.

I have never had one bail out with this type of "cold feet" after agreeing to meet.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  September 9,2009, 7:47am
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kryswriter wrote :
I had a lot of what I call "chicken outs." They emailed (and some called) and set up the date and then flaked. I think some people get nervous or scared. I know I do. I had some "maybe's" that didn't overly impress me in the profile, but seemed like they could be good guys. Those were the ones I was more likely to want to cancel on. But I would go and give it a try. Some people find it easier to just back out. Or maybe they do meet so many bad ones and just say "enough"and cancel the one that could have been a good one! Their loss.
My philosophy is that I will go out with almost anyone at least once. Who knows it might be fun and I might learn something, about them or about me
 
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