Women who insist on talking about other guys. (and vise versa)


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stevex is offline stevex Post #1  September 8,2009, 12:12pm
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So let me begin, the first week of August I met a nice girl on OkCupid, we have gone on several dates since. There have been a few different occasions when she has felt the need to mention her ex who she apparently is still friends with. Now this I completely understand. I am good friends with an ex from high school and I occasionally will in conversation let mention of my most recent ex slide.

However, last night we were chatting and she tells me about a guy she went out with a month and a half ago on a single date was trying to get her to go out with him again and then she seemed to get upset with me when I didn't have any comment. I mean how do I respond to that? Why even bring it up?

I am sure guys do the same thing. But why?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  September 8,2009, 12:18pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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The way you respond to it is by telling her something like 'Wow...he really sounds cool. Why did you stop seeing him? I think you should give him a call and ask him out again." I'm serious.

When I'm with a woman I don't talk about other women I've dated or am dating...unless she asks why I'm busy on such and such a day.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #3  September 8,2009, 12:21pm
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I think you were supposed to get jealous and mark your territory. Sounds crazy to me, who the hell wants people whizzing up their leg?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #4  September 8,2009, 12:24pm
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jayjay wrote :
The way you respond to it is by telling her something like 'Wow...he really sounds cool. Why did you stop seeing him? I think you should give him a call and ask him out again." I'm serious.

When I'm with a woman I don't talk about other women I've dated or am dating...unless she asks why I'm busy on such and such a day.
Well I don't date other women when I am actively pursuing a relationship. If I am not happy after the first date I am not going to go out with her again while still dating other women.

As far as your advice for how to respond, she made it clear she wasn't interested in the guy. Perhaps it was a game to show me that she has other guys interested, perhaps she was being honest and just felt the need to tell me. I just thought it was a bit unusual.
 
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DanielJr82 is offline DanielJr82 Post #5  September 8,2009, 12:29pm
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Honestly, that's the reason I haven't called back the girl from my last date. She actually mentioned she's dating this other guy, too. Bleh.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  September 8,2009, 12:29pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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stevex wrote :
Well I don't date other women when I am actively pursuing a relationship. If I am not happy after the first date I am not going to go out with her again while still dating other women.
I understand. That's fine.

stevex wrote :
As far as your advice for how to respond, she made it clear she wasn't interested in the guy. Perhaps it was a game to show me that she has other guys interested, perhaps she was being honest and just felt the need to tell me. I just thought it was a bit unusual.
OK...so if she made it clear she isn't interested in him I'd just respond with 'Oh, it's too bad that didn't work out.' Yes, women oftentimes make these kinds of 'game' statements even if they aren't doing so intentionally. What I think is important is that you don't react in a way that is defensive, clingy or needy when she talks about another man.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #7  September 8,2009, 12:48pm
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I think it's kind of weird that she's mentioning other men. Unless you were actually discussing past relationships, what's the point in bringing that up?

I really can't stand head games, whether they're being played on me or someone else.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #8  September 8,2009, 12:48pm
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Disclaimer: anything posted here is not directed at anyone of any gender or anyone else for that matter.

My question here would be how you "read" this person?

This seems to be a frequent topic for people to bring up when meeting a possible partner.
My response depends on what other signals may be coming from the other person. This will help a person decide what , if anything may be a good or acceptable response.
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #9  September 8,2009, 1:46pm
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+1 for "I think it's kind of weird that she's mentioning other men. Unless you were actually discussing past relationships, what's the point in bringing that up? "
 
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tom1385 is offline tom1385 Post #10  September 8,2009, 1:58pm
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Maybe she is trying to make you jealous. She could also be trying to "boost" her self-esteem or her image in your eyes by making herself seem more desirable.

I call these things "games" and it is pretty typical with younger girls and I wouldn't look to play them. Next!

Usually I'm pretty upfront, so they know I don't play games and I'm not the type that likes to "read" into these stupid little things. I don't mind reading into things like "hey this would look nice on me". I'll say something dumb like "sure it would, but I think you'd look better without it on" then buy it for her months later... But games like "oh Bobby was flirting and trying to get in my pants the other day" - I wouldn't stand for that.

Stand up for yourself and put her in her place if she wants to try to do this to you - she'll respect you even more if you don't play those type of games (typically). Otherwise she'll just keep testing the limits and boundaries until you are completely emasculated.

(Unless you like games where you don't have to use a mouse and keyboard, keep playing!).
Last edited by tom1385; September 8,2009 at 2:05pm.
 
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