Making the first move


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ViperSting is offline ViperSting Post #1  September 8,2009, 12:11pm
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Got a question for the ladies...

What signs do you give off for wanting a guy to make a move on you?

I have a hard time reading body language and other clues to know when to go for that first kiss, etc. Especially with someone I met on sites like eHarmony who I am just getting to know. Some girls like to move faster physically than others, which is cool with me (to a point), but I don't want to make a move too soon and give the impression that I'm just looking for sex. Plus, misreading a girl and getting shot down just sucks.

Also, if I ask you over to my place after a date and you say yes, can I take that as a clue that I can make a move physically?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #2  September 8,2009, 12:20pm
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First off welcome to the forums ViperSting.

I think you are right, this is always a tough question. First off I will tell you that you can't assume that if you invite her over to your place and she accepts that this is a go ahead to advance anything in the physical realm.

Secondly, you have to take things at a pace you are personally comfortable with. I mean maybe you aren't just looking for sex but perhaps you want to be physical earlier on that some of your recent dates, perhaps you need to find people who also feel that physical chemistry early on is important.

You will get better at reading body language as time goes on. As you are saying goodnight does she lean in for a kiss. Does she insist on long hugs? there are actually very simple things that can help you determine if she is into you and wants to be more physical with you.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  September 8,2009, 1:05pm
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ViperSting wrote :
Also, if I ask you over to my place after a date and you say yes, can I take that as a clue that I can make a move physically?
Unfortunately the answer to that is not, not necessarily. While most women realize that if they are going over to a guy's house where they will be alone and in private and that that environment will lend itself to progression to some sort of intimacy, there are also a whole lot of women who will presume that you will continue to respect her space and not make any moves whatsoever.

As for what clues do I give the guy.....that's a really hard question to answer because it's not so much about time spent together as the feeling of comfort and attraction to the guy. I guess ultimately it involves a combination or flirting with some sexual inuendo, body language - meaning touching his arms, or hands, etc. - and the overall timing and mood of the situation. For instance, if you are talking about quantum physics and you suddenly lean in for a kiss.....well...you will get shot down since the kiss is far away from her mind and to her it will come completely from the left field. However, if we've been flirting and there is a sudden quiet, kind of a romantic moment and he leans in for the kiss, it will be well timed and well received.
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #4  September 8,2009, 1:11pm
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Wait till she stops talking, but keeps looking at you.

Then, either shoot, or get off the couch.


- Saul
 
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Icarus_rw is offline Icarus_rw Post #5  September 8,2009, 1:23pm
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This is one of the great mysteries of dating it seems. I would say just let it happen and try not to force it. Have fun and try not to think of it. When the time is right I'm sure you will know. All I can say when it is that time don't stick your tongue down her throat and definitely don't get too sloppy with the first kiss. Keep it simple and memorable!

~I
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #6  September 8,2009, 1:41pm
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DancingFool wrote :
For instance, if you are talking about quantum physics and you suddenly lean in for a kiss.....well...you will get shot down since the kiss is far away from her mind and to her it will come completely from the left field.
But talking about quantum physics is such a turn on for me!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  September 8,2009, 1:43pm
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stevex wrote :
But talking about quantum physics is such a turn on for me!
lol...well...me too...but for most people.....
 
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kindofaquirk is offline kindofaquirk Post #8  September 8,2009, 2:32pm
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I like to think that I am a pretty typical girl, and I know there are some definite ways to tell if I want anything physical. Just pay careful attention to little things. Does she stand closer to you than your friends do? The closer she sits or stands, the more comfortable she is with you and the better your chance of a kiss at some point. Does she find excuses to touch you (i.e. brush arms while walking, put her hand on your knee while sitting close and talking, picking lint off of you)? These are all ways to slowly invade your space. And don't worry if she isn't doing them. She may be shy. If she isn't giving you anything to go on, do these things yourself. Stand or sit a bit closer to her. Does she move away to re-establish her personal space? If yes, hold back for a bit and try again later. If not, find an excuse to touch her (not in a sexual way, per se, just something harmless). Does she let you linger or does she pull away? Again, these will tell you how comfortable she is with you.

If all of these signs are there, then a kiss should be a fairly simple feat by the end of the night. If you can somehow put yourself in a position where you are facing her and within 12" of her, make some eye contact, and then go in for the kiss. Trust me, if you're that close to her and she doesn't step away after the eye contact, she's waiting for it.

One tip though (at least for me), DO NOT try to kiss me at the end of a date if you haven't been doing the other flirtatious touching throughout the date. I hate when a guy will go the whole date without so much as accidentally brushing my arm while walking and then he'll lunge in for the kiss. I need some build up, some anticipation...


Good Luck!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  September 8,2009, 2:54pm
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Something that I've felt very comfortable doing that gives a woman plenty of opportunity to let you know if she's not interested....is, while we're both standing up, I'll just come up quite close to her...like maybe 6 inches away. Actually I think my body is closer than that....almost touching her...but I still have the 6 inches or so between our faces. I'll just stand there looking down at her for 5 or 10 seconds with my arms hanging at my sides. I may even slowly continue the conversation there. During the seconds in that position you'll know if she wants to be kissed or not. I like this because it feel a bit forward or aggressive...but she has every opportunity to move away if she wants. I've usually done this while we're playing some kind of sporting activity....like squash or pool and have been joking around a bit.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #10  September 8,2009, 3:46pm
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jayjay wrote :
Something that I've felt very comfortable doing that gives a woman plenty of opportunity to let you know if she's not interested....is, while we're both standing up, I'll just come up quite close to her...like maybe 6 inches away. Actually I think my body is closer than that....almost touching her...but I still have the 6 inches or so between our faces. I'll just stand there looking down at her for 5 or 10 seconds with my arms hanging at my sides. I may even slowly continue the conversation there. During the seconds in that position you'll know if she wants to be kissed or not. I like this because it feel a bit forward or aggressive...but she has every opportunity to move away if she wants. I've usually done this while we're playing some kind of sporting activity....like squash or pool and have been joking around a bit.
...umm, yum. Take a lesson, men.

JayJay tested.
MCM approved.
 
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