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pj33 is offline pj33 Post #1  September 6,2009, 3:34pm
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This effects my dating life in an indirect way.

I consider myself a Christian and try to live by what the Bible teaches. Some of my friends I think or believe are non-believers.

Anyways, the point of my question is do you hang out with Non-Christians. Where some of my friends or frenemies will say things like you are like are do#chebag. I get offended. I believe in the golden rule where as you treat others the way you want to be treated. They argue back with the argument did you ever see the move Gran Torrino. That is how men talk to each other.

I disagree. My father was definitely a man's man. He was in the Marine Core and never talked to his friend's that way and they never talked to him like that.

Another point is I play in a sports league, and my friends named the team after a porn site. I didn't know that until after I joined the team. Again, I am like should I stay on this team? They are my friends, but I do not like what they represent.

Anyways, I don't mean to babble, but my question is do you lose these toxic friends or do you stick by them?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 6,2009, 3:38pm
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I think it is fine to hold standards for yourself, and for who you have as friends.

I mean, imagine if I had executives from my workplace at my home; would I signal that I associate with lower classes?

I would not.

I want to associate with people I aspire to become.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #3  September 6,2009, 3:41pm
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If your "friends" exhibit behavior that makes you uncomfortable, and you've expressed your discmofort, then I think making yourself sparse in their company is a good idea.

If you still have "frenemies," I think they should be included in the aforementioned group. No one needs "friends" they also consider enemies.
 
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brownize916 is offline brownize916 Post #4  September 6,2009, 3:42pm
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What you consider "toxic" others consider the norm. If these people are good friends to you in a way that really matters (are there for you when you need them) then I can't see getting rid of them. That said, if you are offended by the things they do when they are being themselves then it may be a good idea for you to make friends who think like you do. If you want people to accept you for who you are, then you'll have to be able to do the same for them.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #5  September 6,2009, 3:52pm
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You can still be casual friends with people and not agree on everything or even most things. I have a few friends from work who are very heavy drinkers. They invite me out quite often and I usually say "Thanks, maybe another time." I've gone with them a couple of times, but it's rare, and I don't drink as much as everyone else.

Even though we are very different on that issue, I still think they are good people, and so they are my friends. They are the some of the first people to come to my side when things go wrong.

I don't see drinking as a "morality" issue, though. If they were cheating on their spouses or something like that, I would still be friendly, but I wouldn't consider them to be a friend. I do think there's a difference, at least for me.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #6  September 6,2009, 3:53pm
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Perhaps I'm a heathan, but I'm not clear why you've tagged them as "toxic" or "non-Christian." Is it solely because they have "potty-mouths?" Were they this way when you befriended them?

Nonetheless, if your association with them makes you uneasy, you should certainly seek out like minds. But good friends are hard to come by and as the previous poster mentioned, if you can count on them when it counts, I can't see getting rid of them.

Best of luck!
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #7  September 6,2009, 4:03pm
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There are as many ways to deal with this as there are people. It boils down to who you choose to be.

There is and old saying: You are who you associate with. This has little to do with any differences other than how some one may act when you are socializing with them for things other than work.

And this can be applied to work as well. I do apply this all the time. Makes things go pretty smooth and people that get to know you will respect who you are.

Just my humble opinion.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  September 6,2009, 4:29pm
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pj33 wrote :
This effects my dating life in an indirect way.

I consider myself a Christian and try to live by what the Bible teaches. Some of my friends I think or believe are non-believers.

Anyways, the point of my question is do you hang out with Non-Christians. Where some of my friends or frenemies will say things like you are like are do#chebag. I get offended. I believe in the golden rule where as you treat others the way you want to be treated. They argue back with the argument did you ever see the move Gran Torrino. That is how men talk to each other.

I disagree. My father was definitely a man's man. He was in the Marine Core and never talked to his friend's that way and they never talked to him like that.

Another point is I play in a sports league, and my friends named the team after a porn site. I didn't know that until after I joined the team. Again, I am like should I stay on this team? They are my friends, but I do not like what they represent.

Anyways, I don't mean to babble, but my question is do you lose these toxic friends or do you stick by them?
It depends. Are they influencing you to compromise what you believe or are you influencing them?

I have many friends that don't believe the way that I do but i dont consider them to be "toxic".

its totally an individual thing. i think its beneficial as a Christian to be able to hang out with people that are very different from you, in fact i am thankful for my Christian friend that hung out with me when i was an atheist and in spite of the things i would say about God (and believe me they were pretty bad).
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #9  September 6,2009, 4:53pm
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Funny, none of Non-Christians I know talk to others the way you mentioned about those Non-Christians you stated. In fact, there are some Christians who keep saying they follow Jesus' teaching but can't stop judging Non-Christians. They don't realize how toxic they are to others by being so judgmental.
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #10  September 6,2009, 5:22pm
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If you're like most of us you find yourselves thrown together with all manner of people - especially at work. Then you are expected to be reasonably friendly even though your coworkers may not be even close to the kind of friends you would choose on your own. Even if your sports team were named "The Apostles" there might be someone on it that you would not choose for a close friend.

In those situations it seems usually workable to set your boundaries and stick to them (politely). But while you are thus insisting upon your right to maintain your Dignity, you must also be dignified enough to not "preach to" or be overly critical of, the others. Your real option is to reduce or mute your interaction with them - and expect them to respect that.

Local opinion(s) may vary.
 
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