How would you react if someone you like says they are married but separated?


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sadandconfused is offline sadandconfused Post #1  September 6,2009, 1:43pm
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Disregarding my old posts I would just like to know how men and women react when they meet someone they would like to date but that other person comes straight out to be honest and says that they are still married but separated...but looking. Does this repel most people because of the complications and the fact that a spouse is still involved with the person?

I suppose I would like to know because if you've followed any of my posts then you'd know that I'm more than likely getting divorced. We are going through a legal year separation in Australia before the divorce can proceed. At this stage I'm not looking for anyone else and probably still hanging onto the possibility of reconciliation which is probably unhealthy for me but a part of me is doing it anyways. So anyways, I'm just wondering how the above question goes if by some chance I do meet someone that I like and likes me back. I'm not "looking" but that doesn't mean that someone couldn't find me or whatever. Despite that I may not be emotionally available at the time, sometimes rebounds are the only thing that can make someone move on. Please admit that people...it may be wrong in some ways but if someone like me were to admit the current situation, what kind of reaction would you give? Walk away or try and date?
I would assume that telling the person you are separated should be one of the first things you do when you know you like that person to avoid hurting that person or giving their hopes up if you tell them late.

Just some opinions please, I'm not looking but would like to be prepared in the case something happens.

I suppose as another question, how do other people react if you tell them you just got divorced?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  September 6,2009, 1:47pm
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i wont consider dating them. separated or recently divorced. no matter what.
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #3  September 6,2009, 1:48pm
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For me... "divorced but separated" means MARRIED which means... NO THANKS, every time.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #4  September 6,2009, 1:48pm
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Depends on each individual relationship.

That would take a lot of time on your part to investigate what happened in the past.

Did that relationship actually end long, long ago?

For the most part, it would be a bad idea to get deeply involved for quite a while.

I know that my parents relationship ended long before the legal issues were complete. That was an amicable divorce so each one may be different. It took more than a couple of years from their actual divorce to get to their legal divorce.
 
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grneydldy is offline grneydldy Post #5  September 6,2009, 1:49pm
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I hope you are ready for the slew of disparate responses you are about to receive. I was separated for over a year (legally required here) and began dating around the 13th month even though my divorce wasn't finalized till the 16th month post separation. I was emotionally ready, but was completely unprepared for dating as it seems to have changed drastically from what I remember dating was like. Yes, some women will treat you as if you're a leper and wish to have nothing to do with you and some will give you a chance. Before you begin dating, please make sure that you have really thought about all you did to contribute to the demise of your marriage (no disrespect, but all of us from failed marriages are at least partially responsible, just to varying degrees.) and that you are completely at peace with who and where you are in your life. Know yourself and be honest with others. Good luck!
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #6  September 6,2009, 2:02pm
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Separated is married in my book. I won't consider dating or a relationship with a man who is separated because:

~ In my view he has not formally/legally finalised his marriage,
~ There is a possibility he and his wife might decide to give it another shot,
~ I do not wish to be named in a bitter divorce proceedings as a/the reason for the divorce. I don't know if this occurs, I just know that if it does, I don't want it to happen to me.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #7  September 6,2009, 2:57pm
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meri, you got my three.

OP, I'm sorry, but you indicated yourself in the post above that you are a liability in all of these areas.

Maybe a good thing to do might be to try not to be open to "something happening" until the last of the papers are signed. Spend the time in between doing a little self and soul searching. That way, when you emerge, you might be just a bit more ready to meet someone.

I posted on a similar thread awhile back--someone I met in the past was "separated"--he was falling asleep on the couch in front of the TV, while his wife went on upstairs to bed.
Um.
Yeah.

I like to believe you wouldn't do that to a girl, but in my experience, "separated" means "Married" equals "Move rapidly in the opposite direction."

Think of it as taking a sabbatical. :-)
Last edited by simplemind; September 6,2009 at 3:01pm.
 
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brownize916 is offline brownize916 Post #8  September 6,2009, 3:00pm
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For me, separated means still married, and I don't date married guys. Second, in reply to your comment that sometimes a rebound makes people move on. This is false. If you aren't emotionally ready to move on, getting together with someone else doesn't push you forward it just pulls them into your emotional mess. Just because a person is dating post divorce doesn't mean they are ready to be with someone else. It is for this reason that I don't even consider dating someone unless they have been divorced at least a year.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  September 6,2009, 3:03pm
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I've never dated someone divorced, and "seperated" is less divorced than divorced.

Three people in a relationship is ... (hold the jokes, please) ... one too many.
 
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Thaliana1981 is offline Thaliana1981 Post #10  September 6,2009, 3:10pm
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Wonders if she's revealing too much about herself too quickly...

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Due to the 'year separation' restriction (that turned into 18 months because I knew he wanted to remarry) I dated while 'still married'. He left me for another woman, and was engaged to her long before our divorce was final. So yes, if they're living apart, if it's obvious that the marriage is long over, especially if his wife is involved with someone else, then I might casually date the man. Key is, casually. Dinners, movies, even nights in, but not sex, no staying over, and definitely not moving in nor getting engaged. Separated isn't a deal-breaker for me, because it wasn't a deal-breaker for the men who dated me.
 
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