Ladies - do you look for a man who blows your mind and body or something else?


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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #1  September 6,2009, 11:55am
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I consistently go over where I went wrong in a past "relationship" While we always meshed well, had a good time, had like ideals, according to her, one key ingredient was missing. She said she was looking for someone who got her exciting beyond belief when she was around him. A man who would blow her mind and body every time. Now, on my hand, she was the first lady that I had no problem kissing on the first and subsequent dates. I really found a connection, that at least I thought, was pretty strong. This was a few months ago already, and yes, in part, I have moved on. But, I just do not understand or comprehend this blows her mind and body issue. I mean, that sounds more like a lust feeling and not something that could not last. Plus, while this issue happened, I was going through some work issues and a possible layoff (which never happened). So, I may had been a bit sidelined on that issue. Never told her, as I did not think it was right to put that burden on her. I am also a bit shy, so making a move towards sex was not really my strong suit. Still isn't. I guess, in retrospect, cause she do not want to discuss this further and said it would be best to breakup, even though she could be making the biggest mistake of her life (her words, not mine - all through text messaging), she was going with her feelings in her heart, would mean that she did not care enough about me. I guess it would had been easier on me if she said this in a the first few weeks and not drag a relationship on for over a few months. Since then, my confidence in women has basically dropped to a ridiculous low always second guessing situations and being very hesitant (check my other posts to get an idea). Anyway, babbling here... Just really confused on this. Ironically, on the last day we did something together, she was very touchy feelly and we kissed several times that night. So, when I left, I thought everything went well.

So, there it is. Been asked a few times why I second guess ladies and their motives; as well as always accepting the worst possible outcome even before it happens. This has probably killed other date's I've been on before they've actually transpired.
 
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three_eyes is offline three_eyes Post #2  September 6,2009, 1:05pm
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What you said about accepting the worst possible outcome before it happens hits very close to home for me. I don't know if this is exactly the same, but I have a strong need to control things in my life, and I've found that doesn't work well when combined with dating and relationships. I always find things that I feel won't work out or I tell myself that it won't work out for some reason or another without actually giving it time to play out. I don't know if you do it for the reason I do (need to control), but I've found that to really experience life and relationships, even if I make some mistakes along the way, or the person I'm dating makes some mistakes, I have to let go a little bit. I have to force myself to go with the flow more and not let my mind shut down to all the possibilities out there.

Give yourself a little time to get over this girl, and STAY away from her, don't try to be friends, but then move forward and try again. It's the only way to grow. If you really, truly want to find the right girl, you have to keep looking and putting yourself out there.

One other little bit of advice - don't hold back on sharing information with women. I'm a firm believer that sharing the good times AND the bad times makes you stronger as a couple. And you might find that helps in the whole "blowing your body and mind thing."

Lastly I'll just say that I wouldn't worry too much about what one girl says about what she needs and why you weren't what she wanted at that moment. What I find most women want is a man who will share himself with her, good and bad, ups and downs. The really good women want a real partnership and everything that comes with it. If you can give that to someone then just keep putting yourself out there and you will find the right person who appreciates it.
 
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tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #3  September 6,2009, 1:23pm
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joeyjoe, It sounds like this woman really hurt you especially since everything seemed to be going well. It must have come as quite a shock. I think everyone goes through the soulsearching and a bit of unavoidable turmoil from time to time when a relationship ends. Not all women have "motives". Give someone else a chance.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  September 6,2009, 1:39pm
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Holy shot Joey you have written my exact experience.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #5  September 6,2009, 1:51pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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once your mind and your body have gone ~ what's left to blow?
 
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joeyjoe is offline joeyjoe Post #6  September 6,2009, 4:03pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
once your mind and your body have gone ~ what's left to blow?
Donno. Guess she likes internal explosions within her body.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #7  September 14,2009, 9:19pm
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joeyjoe wrote :
She said she was looking for someone who got her exciting beyond belief when she was around him. A man who would blow her mind and body every time.
Please don't feel bad about this. This is about her, not you.

I think what she said was really weird. She wants to be "excited beyond belief"? Everytime?

She sounds like she is kind of immature and has no idea what a happy love relationship is. It's sounds high school...truly.

I am in love now. To me, love isn't about being "excited beyond belief". It is quieter than that..sometimes loud but most often quiet, at least for me. And to expect my bf to blow my mind? Well he does but it doesn't happen all the time, 24/7.

Please do not allow this woman's unattainable ideas to influence how you feel about yourself.
 
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QAKittyCat is offline QAKittyCat — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  September 14,2009, 9:23pm
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HappyandLight wrote :
Please don't feel bad about this. This is about her, not you.

I think what she said was really weird. She wants to be "excited beyond belief"? Everytime?

She sounds like she is kind of immature and has no idea what a happy love relationship is. It's sounds high school...truly.

I am in love now. To me, love isn't about being "excited beyond belief". It is quieter than that..sometimes loud but most often quiet, at least for me. And to expect my bf to blow my mind? Well he does but it doesn't happen all the time, 24/7.

Please do not allow this woman's unattainable ideas to influence how you feel about yourself.
Nicely said.
 
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odogmuzak is offline odogmuzak Post #9  September 14,2009, 9:54pm
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Yeah, this sounds pretty typical. I just had this discussion with a woman I met on EH. In other news/relations...she was probably not interested in the first place...I've met plenty who would make out and not get back to me. Sometimes they just want the ego boost that someone WOULD want them and act on that, not taking into account how the guy might feel about it in the aftermath. Don't waste you're time. When a women is genuinely inerested, (few and far between) the signals will be obvious and hard to get wrong. Good luck!
 
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