Are People on eH Seem Flakier Than People in Real Life?


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AsianW is offline AsianW Post #1  September 5,2009, 8:21am
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I'm cute, Asian, well-educated, and hold a high professional position. The truth is: I'm on eH because I'm not a great flirt in real life. When I see that a man in real life is looking at me, and I am attracted to him, I tend to avoid him, and not give any signs that I am interested. In fact, I think I tend to give him a cold shoulder. Don't ask me why I do that, I just do. I know, I probably need therapy, but maybe I've just never gotten over my shyness from childhood with respect to guys. I figure that with eH, it would be easier to connect with someone. So far, after about a month of being on eH, I've had pretty good responses. I receive about four to eight communication requests or communications replies a day, and have gone through to open communication with many of them. I'm finding, however, that men on eH are flakier than the men that I have met in real life. Is anyone else having this experience? Does the protection of communicating behind a computer make it okay for people to act flakier than they would in real life? This is the frustration that I have with being on eH. Men would sometimes disappear without an explanation. This never happens to me in real life.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 5,2009, 8:36am
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AsianW wrote :
I know, I probably need therapy

You came to the right place!

What you describe is common. Just ignore Mr. Flaky and keep working at it.
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #3  September 5,2009, 8:43am
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Hi, Asian Woman and welcome to the boards.

I think you may be right about some people (men and women) thinking it is ok to be flaky (poof or disappear, stop communicating etc) because communication is done by the computer and not IRL. Some people are like that in real life, too. But hang in there, you will find that the Advice Boards full of folks that have encountered the same thing. And there are responsible people out there on dating sites. Sometimes it just takes patience to find them.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  September 5,2009, 9:03am
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I will have to say that with all the communication activity you are getting you are certainly not in the norm.

You don't exactly describe flaky. If you are only talking about people poofing (disappearing) then that is quite common. If there is something else in your matches that you call flaky then you will need to describe what that is.

Hmm, go back and read your post. "When I see that a man in real life is looking at me, and I am attracted to him, I tend to avoid him, and not give any signs that I am interested. In fact, I think I tend to give him a cold shoulder." You are calling your matches flaky, is the pot calling the kettle black here? If you act this way in person you probably are giving off the same vibes online.
 
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AsianW is offline AsianW Post #5  September 5,2009, 9:31am
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Gr8Guyn2008: I don't think that I am giving the same vibes online as I do in real life, because whereas I am too shy to give a guy the green light in real life, I am not on eH because all I have to do press a button and respond to a communication request. Responding through written communication is easy for me. Staring back at a guy when he is looking at me, and smiling at him to let him know that I am interested, that's hard for me.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #6  September 5,2009, 9:52am
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Good morning from the "left coast". Just my 2 cents here and not trying to anger, criticize or offend anyone of either gender here or anywhere else for that matter.

OK, ask yourself if you are ready to do what you are saying you have trouble with in person. As of right now, if you had a positve contact, went thru the steps and were to meet that person this afternonn, would you be able to break out of your shyness and fully engae him???
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #7  September 5,2009, 9:53am
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Should be a resounding yes here.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #8  September 5,2009, 10:00am
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It appears you may be thinking on this one???
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #9  September 5,2009, 10:10am
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Yes, sitting behind a computer allows you to do all sorts of things you wouldn't IRL. Many of these people are probably in relationships they'll only leave if they think they've found something better. Many are lying about all sorts of things and just entertaining themselves.

And don't forget, when they're talking to you, they're talking to several others, and one might have caught their attention more.

I'm new too. In the month I've been on here it's been incredibly entertaining. There are many, many characters here. I've gotten to OC with about 40 people, and only 4 were of interest to me after emailing.

I have to say, those 4 were quality people Google searches showed to be real. 2 turned out not to be good lifestyle matches and I only felt the chemistry with 1 after meeting. So even those getting a lot of matches will have a ton of picking through to find a keeper.
 
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AsianW is offline AsianW Post #10  September 5,2009, 10:31am
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LaughingDaily: I don't think I have a problem engaging a man once I am on a date with him. In fact, I usually get asked out again when I do. I am articulate, well-educated, and sassy. The only problem I have is being shy about giving the green light to a man to approach me. Does anyone else have this problem? I'm starting to feel like a freak.
 
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