The Fatal Flaw for Almost Perfect


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notjustamuse is offline notjustamuse Post #1  September 5,2009, 7:43am
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I'm an 8 or 9 on the appearance scale, happy, friendly, down-to-earth. I do consulting work and make decent money. I'm a mother to a witty, intelligent three year old. I'm ambitious and I work hard. I'm not looking for a man to 'save' me. No, I'm looking for someone who shares my passions for helping others, laughing, and creativity. I'm looking for someone who won't mind that I play the piano and sing everything from classic to rock for 30 minutes a day and sometimes more.

I'm pursuing my dreams which include a return to school for my masters in a year or so. I would, obviously, pay for that myself and I'm able to. I'm not pampered but I know how to make things happen. AND I live with my parents. I'm a little wary of the last statement. People automatically assume that I am financially dependent on them. I'm not. I buy groceries, pay utilities and save a small amount in rent but really nothing significant. I make enough to provide piano, ballet, and private schooling for my daughter but I'm still hesitant to say that I live with my parents. I mean, I think the explanation might even sound lame: I came home temporarily to spend time with my grandma before she passed (again, something that my 'work' allows me to do and for which I have NO regrets). I decided to stay because I wanted my daughter to have a sense of family = security.

I've not been back in the dating scene for long. Do I move out simply to rid myself of the stigma? Is there a different way to phrase it so that I'm not immediately reduced to a 'struggling single mother'. The last thing I want is pity. Am I being too sensitive about this?
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  September 5,2009, 7:49am
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To me that sounds like you are lucky enough to have an available babysitter for whenever you want to go on a date! Sounds like a positive.

I will leave it to the men who are interested in dating single moms to answer about whether your living situation is a red flag to them.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  September 5,2009, 8:02am
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About half my partners lived with parents, and it was not an issue for me (I got drafted into fixing things in parents’ houses, but got also a bunch of good dinners out of the deal.) I’ve always had my own place, so I could be assured of having private time with my partners often.
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Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #4  September 5,2009, 8:06am
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Most of the world lives with extended families and that is the norm. We have cut ourselves off from so much that is good in family relationships that it is hard to even list all the things lost. My daughter had the opportunity to spend the first six years of her life with her great grandmother while we lived with her. This was to provide assistance both to her and us. After we were no longer able to keep her at home, my daughter would ride her bike to the local nursing home and visit with grandma. She gained so much. Don't be defensive about your living situation, make the most of it.
 
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RebornInFire is offline RebornInFire Post #5  September 5,2009, 8:10am
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It shouldn't be a red flag because you are financially secure. Some men may jump to conclusions though that you are living at home because your finances became a mess at some point.

I wouldn't reveal you are living at home in your profile, but it's probably something you can reveal when you tell your life story in person.
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #6  September 5,2009, 8:21am

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In my opinion, the question isn't whether or not your match will forgive any perceived flaws you may have... but rather if you'll forgive any perceived flaws your match may have.

Just as other people can't help being "short", fat, undereducated, color of hair/eyes etc, you can't help having traits that you or others find to be a "flaw".

I think this is THE one problem folks have understanding. Everyone prejudges other people, to a certain degree, but its interesting how these same people hate it when the same is being done to them.

People can't help being what they are. You either accept people for what they are or you move on. Like the saying goes: Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  September 5,2009, 9:18am
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I would say that you are being a bit too sensitive about a lot of things in your life.

There is no reason at all to mention that you live with your parents unless asked and hopefully that would not be asked until after several dates.

The same advice would apply to your returning to school for your masters. Now if when you return to school you will be moving to a different town then we may have a problem that you should be up front about.

Some of the other stuff about your job and decent money may be coming across as being too independent. And your thinking that you are so hot looking is coming across as being a wee bit arrogant. It is good that you are comfortable with how you look and have a good self image. But you need the guy to be telling you that HE thinks you are beautiful.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #8  September 5,2009, 9:28am
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You sound very self sufficient and intelligent and like nothing is seriously wrong with you.

In fact, I wish I had your situation. I lost my mom, don't have a kid and miss having family very, very much.

God bless.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #9  September 5,2009, 10:12am
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Disclaimer: Nothing said here is intended to upset, anger, pick on, pick out or make anyone of either gender mad.

Honestly speaking as a male your self image is nice, but maybe could be turned down just a touch. And the dollars should not even be in there. Just my opinion here, and your living situation doesn't need to be a concern either. If a guy has a concern, move on to "next" one.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  September 5,2009, 10:49am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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MelinCali wrote :
To me that sounds like you are lucky enough to have an available babysitter for whenever you want to go on a date! Sounds like a positive.
She could probably have the 'babysitter' even if she did not live with her parents, at least as long as she didn't live too far away.

This wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me...but I would think that as an adult you'd want to have the independence of living on your own and that this would outweigh the 'small savings' on rent that you mentioned. I think living with one's parents is likely to have some type of effect on a person....even if the parent-child relationships are good.
 
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