Do you know his name? Force yourself to ask.

Dear Emdet,

Welcome to eHarmony Advice and thanks for posting.

Most of us have been where you are at one time or another in our lives and what you're experiencing is very common!

It helps to understand that he may be every bit as shy as you but is simply more practiced in overcoming it.

One can overcome it. The secret is this: Focus on the other person and not on yourself. When you do this, you won't be thinking about yourself and how shy you are but will be genuinely interested in the other person and what he or she has to say.

Start by giving the person a nice smile with appropriate eye contact. Say something like this when you see him,

"Good Sunday morning. So good to see you. I have a confession to make . . . . I'm a bit shy and I hope I haven't come across as snobbish because of it. I'm working to overcome that. What did you think of the sermon this morning?" (Or you could mention whatever point caught your attention from the sermon).

Then find something you liked about the sermon and share that such as something like:

"I particularly like that passage from Ephesians 6: 10, 'Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might,' and the putting on the full armor of God verses that follow. Do you have a favorite Bible passage or book of the Bible?"

It's important for you to volley the conversational ball back and forth with him. Think of it like this. Every time he volley's you a conversational ball, if you just say not too much more then, "Yes," or "No," then you're dropping the conversational ball on the person you're speaking with.

Respond back and then ask him something which requires more than a "Yes" or "No" so that he can volley the conversation back to you.

Shyness is being too self-conscious and thinking the other person is looking at you. Keep in mind people do think about themselves a lot and not so much about the other person.

The secret to holding a winning conversation is to genuinely inquire about the person and their interests while sharing some of your's along the way. Not in a 20 questions-kind of way, but with sincerity and sharing back in like fashion. It's very important to share back. That way, you're establishing some commonalities and things on which to build future conversations.

Remember, confidence is attractive. Even if you don't feel confident at the moment, you don't always have to reveal it or you can do so in a disarming manner such as apologizing for being shy in the example conversation above.

Again, the key is to focus on the other person, not on yourself.

Let us know how it goes. Remember also that being a good conversationalist is nothing more than a skill that anyone can learn. There are more people than one would think that appear outgoing on the surface but who are actually quite shy inside; they've simply learned how to overcome it.

The more you practice, the better you'll become in the art of conversation.

JavaJava5