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cp30 cp30 is online now
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cp30 is making big plans...

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and there is javajava...everyone is coming out of the wood work tonight. I had been wondering where you were java! Glad to see you are doing well!!!! sorry to interrupt...just happy to see so many familiar faces tonight!
- September 4th, 2009, 10:55 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is online now
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lacedwithhope wrote :
"For some reason I always get a little nervous around you, although I'm really glad you came up and talked to me today"

This is interesting.

I think you should be prepared to resume speaking, though, if he is at a loss for words when you finish.

This one is almost forcing the subject.
- September 4th, 2009, 10:55 pm
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cp30 cp30 is online now
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ps. CP is ridiculously shy too around people she likes....
- September 4th, 2009, 10:56 pm
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lacedwithhope lacedwithhope is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
This is interesting.

I think you should be prepared to resume speaking, though, if he is at a loss for words when you finish.

This one is almost forcing the subject.
Really? Would you be at a loss for words if a woman said this to you? D_Lion, I think that you should try this out (reverse the roles with you saying you're a little nervous) on 50 women and get back to us with your spreadsheet analysis of how you made out...
- September 4th, 2009, 11:43 pm
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targetgirl43 targetgirl43 is offline
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Church is a great place to meet someone; you know you have the same beliefs and values.

You could make conversation with him about the lesson of the day or sermon.
Ask him his views on it.

Ask what he does during the week in between church services.

To get over the shy part, you just have to make up your mind before you see him that you ARE going to talk to him. It's difficult but you'll be better off and you'll relax.

Good luck.
- September 5th, 2009, 02:08 am
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cp30 wrote :
and there is javajava...everyone is coming out of the wood work tonight. I had been wondering where you were java! Glad to see you are doing well!!!! sorry to interrupt...just happy to see so many familiar faces tonight!
Dear CP30,

Thank you so much! Was on a long sabbatical besides moving half-way around the country. Good for me to see some familiar faces too such as your's and hope all the lovely people here are doing well. Haven't been to any of the other threads yet. . . . The break has been most refreshing.

JavaJava5
- September 5th, 2009, 02:21 am
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Shelby Shelby is offline
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Great advice, Java (welcome back too!) I agree that shyness often arises when you think too much about you're coming across to the other person. Instead of being self-focused, you should focus on the other person. Are you curious about him at all? What do you know about him? Do you know what part of town he lives, or where he's from? Anything about his family? What he does for a living? Activities he likes? Ask a few questions to shift the focus on him. Do you want to go out with him sometime? Why don't you just let him know that you've enjoyed talking to him and maybe you could meet for coffee sometime. Ask him if he'll be going to the church-sponsored Easter egg hunt or something like that. If you have some of these topics prepped ahead of time, you'll be less likely to have a brain-freeze when he comes up next time.
- September 5th, 2009, 07:08 am
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Nanette Nanette is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
Well, assuming you can’t fix the underlying problem, how about asking him something highly specific?

Either a subject you are truly interested in and knowledgeable about, or a situation who face that a man is likely to have some expertise on.

Perhaps how to repair something in your house, or how does a hybrid car work, anyway? The sort of question that leads to a thoughtful answer.

Also, I find it a good idea to think before approaching someone, to cover the logistics – wait until they are relaxed, not in a hurry, etc.
i like this
- September 5th, 2009, 07:29 am
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Nanette Nanette is offline
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targetgirl43 wrote :
Church is a great place to meet someone; you know you have the same beliefs and values.
.
presumably. as a regular church goer i have found this to not necessarily be the case. caveat emptor.
- September 5th, 2009, 07:33 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is online now
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lacedwithhope wrote :
Really? Would you be at a loss for words if a woman said this to you?

I’d probably stumble on it, yes.

Since I have never been on the receiving end of such a statement, I would have to think of something (appropriate) to say. Even sitting here, with lots of time, I can’t figure if a funny answer or something in-kind is the best response? Or, a straight answer (“why is that?”)

For me, I would be fine to get an open-ended, but specific and detailed question, and have the conversation move over time into personal status / availability / interest in going out. The woman could say “what can I do about a water heater which is leaking,” or “why are they saying the unemployment rate is likely to get even worse, when they are also saying the recession may have already ended?”

Questions like that naturally conducive to slowing down, if necessary finding a quite space, and getting mentally into a mode of spending time in a conversation. Also, it plays to a feeling of accomplishment to display one’s knowledge, so I think there is a high probability a man will feel good about the encounter – and that’s a good start.

D_Lion, I think that you should try this out (reverse the roles with you saying you're a little nervous) on 50 women and get back to us with your spreadsheet analysis of how you made out

You realize that I have not had anywhere close to 50 women approach me in my entire life? That could take a very long time!

Also, there have been a fair number of threads about “why do men not approach me?” And the opinion from the women does seem to be consistent that timidity is not attractive in men.

I do like your idea, that it gets into the personal status discussion quickly, so you are not potentially misleading the man. Still, if we hold to the idea that a woman wants to be asked out, and rarely does she simply go and ask a man, the goal for her is more complex.
- September 5th, 2009, 08:17 am
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