need advice if anyone has any?


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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #11  September 4,2009, 9:55pm

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and there is javajava...everyone is coming out of the wood work tonight. I had been wondering where you were java! Glad to see you are doing well!!!! sorry to interrupt...just happy to see so many familiar faces tonight!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #12  September 4,2009, 9:55pm
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lacedwithhope wrote :
"For some reason I always get a little nervous around you, although I'm really glad you came up and talked to me today"

This is interesting.

I think you should be prepared to resume speaking, though, if he is at a loss for words when you finish.

This one is almost forcing the subject.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #13  September 4,2009, 9:56pm

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ps. CP is ridiculously shy too around people she likes....
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #14  September 4,2009, 10:43pm
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D_Lion wrote :
This is interesting.

I think you should be prepared to resume speaking, though, if he is at a loss for words when you finish.

This one is almost forcing the subject.
Really? Would you be at a loss for words if a woman said this to you? D_Lion, I think that you should try this out (reverse the roles with you saying you're a little nervous) on 50 women and get back to us with your spreadsheet analysis of how you made out...
 
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targetgirl43 is offline targetgirl43 Post #15  September 5,2009, 1:08am

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Church is a great place to meet someone; you know you have the same beliefs and values.

You could make conversation with him about the lesson of the day or sermon.
Ask him his views on it.

Ask what he does during the week in between church services.

To get over the shy part, you just have to make up your mind before you see him that you ARE going to talk to him. It's difficult but you'll be better off and you'll relax.

Good luck.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #16  September 5,2009, 1:21am
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cp30 wrote :
and there is javajava...everyone is coming out of the wood work tonight. I had been wondering where you were java! Glad to see you are doing well!!!! sorry to interrupt...just happy to see so many familiar faces tonight!
Dear CP30,

Thank you so much! Was on a long sabbatical besides moving half-way around the country. Good for me to see some familiar faces too such as your's and hope all the lovely people here are doing well. Haven't been to any of the other threads yet. . . . The break has been most refreshing.

JavaJava5
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #17  September 5,2009, 6:08am
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Great advice, Java (welcome back too!) I agree that shyness often arises when you think too much about you're coming across to the other person. Instead of being self-focused, you should focus on the other person. Are you curious about him at all? What do you know about him? Do you know what part of town he lives, or where he's from? Anything about his family? What he does for a living? Activities he likes? Ask a few questions to shift the focus on him. Do you want to go out with him sometime? Why don't you just let him know that you've enjoyed talking to him and maybe you could meet for coffee sometime. Ask him if he'll be going to the church-sponsored Easter egg hunt or something like that. If you have some of these topics prepped ahead of time, you'll be less likely to have a brain-freeze when he comes up next time.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #18  September 5,2009, 6:29am
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D_Lion wrote :
Well, assuming you can’t fix the underlying problem, how about asking him something highly specific?

Either a subject you are truly interested in and knowledgeable about, or a situation who face that a man is likely to have some expertise on.

Perhaps how to repair something in your house, or how does a hybrid car work, anyway? The sort of question that leads to a thoughtful answer.

Also, I find it a good idea to think before approaching someone, to cover the logistics – wait until they are relaxed, not in a hurry, etc.
i like this
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #19  September 5,2009, 6:33am
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targetgirl43 wrote :
Church is a great place to meet someone; you know you have the same beliefs and values.
.
presumably. as a regular church goer i have found this to not necessarily be the case. caveat emptor.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #20  September 5,2009, 7:17am
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lacedwithhope wrote :
Really? Would you be at a loss for words if a woman said this to you?

I’d probably stumble on it, yes.
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