A lesson in relaxing preferences and dating with disabilities


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  September 4,2009, 11:56am
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This really belongs in the Success Story forum, but I want to post it here because it deals with a couple of issue that we discuss so frequently here in Dating: dating with disabilities, and preferences and whether or not we are willing to "relax" them.

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This is a really interesting and I think heartening read. I learned a lesson and I hope you find it inspirational and insightful as well!

It also made me wonder,

Have you ever dated outside your normal preferences, and if so, how did it turn out?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 4,2009, 12:16pm
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I would say that everyone I met fell outside of my preferences.
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Spider is offline Spider Post #3  September 4,2009, 12:27pm
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Well, it wasn't something outside of my normal preferences, but something I just hadn't anticipated. Hope that counts.

I was matched with a great guy in May of '08. His profile was very frank about his highly visible difference (he's a Little Person, or dwarf). I was a bit surprised, to be honest, but the profile was so beautifully written, and he hit all of my buttons as far as men are concerned, that I initiated communication. Things went very well after we met.

My main concern was distance - 100 miles and 2 1/2 hours between us. That was soon addressed when he packed up and moved here. We're extremely happy and I don't foresee any problems that would keep us from spending many, many years together.

In brief: don't worry so much about the externals. Give yourself the opportunity to get to know someone rather than dismissing them just because they're different from your preconceived notion of the perfect match.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  September 4,2009, 12:29pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Have you ever dated outside your normal preferences, and if so, how did it turn out?
Not with respect to disabilities.
 
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Robert_inSD is offline Robert_inSD Post #5  September 4,2009, 5:31pm
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I did date a (slightly) disabled person. She found the light of her life, and we are now good friends who encourage each other. I'm delighted for her, and she knows it. Hearing her bubble with joy encourages me when I need it.

You can meet a lot of great people if you remain open to some differences.
 
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whatalife1683 is offline whatalife1683 Post #6  September 4,2009, 5:51pm
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I myself is a person with a disability. I am in a wheelchair. If I talk to someone online, I tell them when I am comfortable. I don't like to be judged and have pity upon me. In person, I can ask almost any girl out. However, I do not know if she says yes because of pity or because of me personally. When I have talked to people online, they get to know me. I tell them after the first day or two, and I never had a problem. I tell them it is uncomfortable to just come out and say it. I do not pity myself, but I like for someone to like me for myself and even looks haha. From my experience, I can meet any girl. However, I prefer to get to know them a lot better. The main reason I do not tell people online right away is for one reason. When I tell them, the first question is about SEX hahaha. I encourage them to ask though, and do not hold back. I can talk to a person about SEX for hours after telling them. I swear it sometimes seems that some girls have a fantasy of sleeping with someone "different" haha. Hey, it benefits me in the long run hahaha. As I was saying, I like to tell them about my SEX life when comfortable. I know it is on a females minds, but I rather them know me a little before asking. Oh by the way, it does help me a lot that I am independent. I live on my own, and my family helps me if I ask. I only ask if I need to do a lot of grocery shopping. However, I live on my own and have my own money (not from disabilty checks or SSI). The only difference is I cannot walk.
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Purpleroses4u is offline Purpleroses4u Post #7  September 4,2009, 6:46pm
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I am also a person whom most people would consider outside the norm... I had spent over forty years of my life being beaten either by family members , husbands or or hurt on the job working with violent mentally handicapped. I had also been abused in several other ways when I was a teenager. i have suffered several physical handicaps over the years due to the traumas.. But I have overcome all but two I am still legally blind but can still see straight ahead. and as far as my other disabilitiy it will soon be fixed by a great surgeon. I have had to build my strenghts up on my own and have overcome many obstacles. I have never held back as to what I have or what I am to anyone. I always tell it like it is so that they can take me for what I am . You see what you get and you take me as I am . As I would take anyone.. I always respect a person for how they treat others . Their character is the most important to me next to their forwardness I like someone who is direct I hate beating around the bush... Purpleroses4u
 
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